scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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5.

Despite achy joints and a wasteful afternoon. All is well in the world of VH.

-10 no change avoiding high buildings, tomorrow will be better I hope.

-6, pretty bad, mitigated only by the 10mg of diazepam I have taken today.

-10, I'm a worthless f*** up, probably just beating myself up too hard again for making a scene with some family due to my misery and inability to handle stress.

+1.

-7 I want to have people around but I want to be alone with my thoughts. It's sort of an odd paradox. I am depressed because I am so alone but the people I could be around I don't want around me because I know nothing will come of it. Mostly I am depressed because of my lack of social possibilities that could lead to a romantic relationship, yet if the opportunity was there, would I know what to do or even recognize it before it was too late?

-4. I'm tired of this inner turmoil. I can't even put it into words anymore. f**k all those stupid things that remind me of everything. I guess I'll never fully be over the past ever. I wish it never happened. It must be nice to be someone who never knew, who never had and who never lost (it must also be nice to be the one who was given it all and then some). But what about the one who only gets one small taste before it falls to the ground in a mess, no refunds or replacements sorry. Maybe I should just feel grateful for the short moment that was, and I am (in a weird way). But in an immature way it's always going to feel sad and unfair as well. f**k all this stupid lovey s**t I keep seeing and hearing, why can't they remind me of something else? (or somebody else). I'd kill for an emotional distraction to sweep me off my feet right now.

Was 4-8 last month due to making ton of friends and pen pals around the world, writing big ass emails to each others.
Today 0 because I've almost lost all connection with them for reasons I don't even know/remember

I'm bad at keeping friends~
But I guess it's harder to do it online.

- 5

I'm being put into a position that I have no desire to be in. I will do what is required, but it is worse that I have to do it to family.
They should know better than anyone that we have nothing without these things, but right now they refuse to see it.
I don't want to be the one to do this, but I know that nobody else will because if we betray our most fundemental principles, we are no better than they are and there is nothing worth saving here.

If that isn't referring to me, disregard the below.

Sorry to argue when you're upset, but I'm sure I've said that I did have, briefly, before he decided that it was too hard. And, right up until the day when everything exploded, it was "I'd be with you if it wasn't too difficult". It certainly felt like a loss to me.
I'm sorry you were hurt, I'm sorry for the part I played in that, and I'm sorry you're still hurting now, but I was hurt too, and I don't like having that pain minimised by you whenever you get upset now.

+2

-6 about the same as yesterday. I woke up pretty hysterical today after having had a nightmare but have settled down a bit now. I'll probably be on a -2 or a -7 later on depending on the outcome of something which may or may not be happening today.

Can I just say everything in my life sucks?

5.

Tired, and the weather doesn't help, but positivity cuddles me, just as much as my S.O.

-3.

I'm still remaining positive! Mostly...

-10 ranked up a belt in Taekwondo should be glad but family stress has got me so down Its not funny.