I miss not knowing I was different. I didn't understand polite lying, prejuidce, or stereotypes. Errr... all the people I know are abusive or at least unhealthy, most of society is I beleive. A good friend of mine is a know-it-all that tries to presuade be to be Christian, to go to a four- year school even though it's a waste of time, I I know I need skills, but a liberal arts degree is useless, I want to get a computer certificate. She has two baby daddy's and tries to tell me how live MY life. She want to know everything about my personal life and then she picks it apart and tells me what to do. I'm a 27 year old model and I'm terrified of getting older every damn day. I'm only now financailly, emotionally recovering throught the years of abuse my ex-husband and ex-father put me through and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Sure could it be worse yes...if I wasn't as active and didn't get the counseling and life skill education I could be homeless, being abused by another guy. I know I'm not failure because I've succeeded in a lot of ways, but some days it's so damn hard. "MY friend" yestersay minimized my aspieness and says "I'll grow out of it," B*tch, hearing SOMETHING on the news does not make you an expert on Autism..so shut the F$ck up." I refuse to talk to her when I'm depressed, but she's the only friend I have and I feel bad for her. If I didn't feel guilty or obligated I'd probably only talk to her a couple times a month. In some ways she helps me naviagate the NT world so I don't want to piss her off. Although I know I'd figure it out on my own, I always have done it ALONE. I don't know if being ALONE is so bad except it's scary when my car breaks down and I literally have know one to call, except for my friend who usally makes me feel worse. She says things that make me feel like I'm crazy. I think she could be an aspie, but she refuses to acknowledge it, if she got a dignosis I'd be able to deal with her better cause at least I'd know how to respond. Honestly, she's not the main issue. I don't like this world my main way is praying a lot because I know at least God doen't judge how I look he judges my soul and my motives. Can I move somewhere where there good, honest people? I feel like this NT society is so minipulative and conning. I wasn't f****d up in the head until everyone my former husband, former father, my "friends" used me and abused me. My friend may be a know-it-all, but she's the one person I know wouldn't use me or abuse me. I'm trying to become my own person after years of her "mothering me" when I was younger and I needed her opinions and direction, but I'm grown now and I need a friend not a "MOM" I just need support. Hopefully I'll find some of that here. I feel ashamed, I know that is an NT society thing to feel AShamed because society says being alone means you must be crazy and noone wants you, but I've happy being alone. I just feel so vulnerable because I am alone.
Last edited by ava777 on 07 Feb 2013, 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.