Rants

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I am absolutely FED UP with people calling me a "weeaboo" all because I'm into Japanese culture in a big way. I can't help it, okay?

And no matter what anyone says, I AM changing my name. Might be beautiful to you, but if you were a short-haired, dress-hating, flower-hating girl, you'd hate being named after a flower too.

there are many brick chimneys in sydney, and they are obviously not functional any more, and my attempts to find any information about them on the internet are in vain.

this one in north sydney is a complete mystery to me, and i can not find any information about it


if no one knows why it has been preserved then it should be demolished.

there is no such thing as a "brick chimney fanciers association" (which i would like to join if it did exist), so i want the chimney gone.

i like the chimney but i hate that i can not find any information about it.
every time i see it my mind collides with a barrier of non information and i am sick of always being disappointed that i know nothing about it.

Why someone cannot get up and simply go for a walk when the day is crying out for walking, I cannot understand. What a waste.

Comment removed, it was inappropriate. Sorry.

How comes that the day turned out kind of decent and then ended up in this state? Wheres the logic in that?

I should have taken more of my ADHD med today.
I had to go back home from school by bus today.
I can take three buses to go back to school: two of them bring me directly in from of my house, the other one brings me a little farther from my house and I have to do a part of the way back home on foot.
I was waiting for a bus to arrive. I got destacted for a few seconds, and the first bus (the one that could bring me directly in front of my house) passed, and I missed it. A few minutes later the other one that could bring me in front of my house passed, but the driver didn't stop, and I couldn't get on. Then, the last one passed. I thought "f**k, I don't care, I'll go back home on foot, I'm sick of waiting here". I got on and, just as the bus moved on, I noticed one of the buses that could bring me in front of my house behind the one I was on. But it was too late to go out.
All the thing was just ridiculous.

i had a whole lot of gay crap when i left lebanon and i knew my family would go through my bag so i decided to desguise them as a gift for my friends by wrapping them in paper. my mum went through my bag and took out the present and opened it and looked through it and saw the queer books and my diary which she then opened and read. she read my diary. what gives her the right?! she had no right to do that! it was personnal. i wrote all my feelings down in that book, i wrote about getting raped, i wrote about having sex, i wrote about gettting harassed, i wrote about thinking i am pregnant, i wrote about stds, going to the doctor at marsa clinic, i wrote about my friends, being queer, going to helem, moving house, conflict with my cousin, i wrote about my friends problems- i wrote everything. i feel so violated. i wrote my soul into that book. she has no right to do that. no right. i told her it was a fictional story. i couldn't think of anything else. knowing my mother i will probably have to deal with my dad knowing. who gave her the right?! how dare she?! the most personnal parts of me and she took the information without asking.

I feel like everyone is conspiring against me.

I wish the world would f*****g burn.

I miss not knowing I was different. I didn't understand polite lying, prejuidce, or stereotypes. Errr... all the people I know are abusive or at least unhealthy, most of society is I beleive. A good friend of mine is a know-it-all that tries to presuade be to be Christian, to go to a four- year school even though it's a waste of time, I I know I need skills, but a liberal arts degree is useless, I want to get a computer certificate. She has two baby daddy's and tries to tell me how live MY life. She want to know everything about my personal life and then she picks it apart and tells me what to do. I'm a 27 year old model and I'm terrified of getting older every damn day. I'm only now financailly, emotionally recovering throught the years of abuse my ex-husband and ex-father put me through and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Sure could it be worse yes...if I wasn't as active and didn't get the counseling and life skill education I could be homeless, being abused by another guy. I know I'm not failure because I've succeeded in a lot of ways, but some days it's so damn hard. "MY friend" yestersay minimized my aspieness and says "I'll grow out of it," B*tch, hearing SOMETHING on the news does not make you an expert on Autism..so shut the F$ck up." I refuse to talk to her when I'm depressed, but she's the only friend I have and I feel bad for her. If I didn't feel guilty or obligated I'd probably only talk to her a couple times a month. In some ways she helps me naviagate the NT world so I don't want to piss her off. Although I know I'd figure it out on my own, I always have done it ALONE. I don't know if being ALONE is so bad except it's scary when my car breaks down and I literally have know one to call, except for my friend who usally makes me feel worse. She says things that make me feel like I'm crazy. I think she could be an aspie, but she refuses to acknowledge it, if she got a dignosis I'd be able to deal with her better cause at least I'd know how to respond. Honestly, she's not the main issue. I don't like this world my main way is praying a lot because I know at least God doen't judge how I look he judges my soul and my motives. Can I move somewhere where there good, honest people? I feel like this NT society is so minipulative and conning. I wasn't f****d up in the head until everyone my former husband, former father, my "friends" used me and abused me. My friend may be a know-it-all, but she's the one person I know wouldn't use me or abuse me. I'm trying to become my own person after years of her "mothering me" when I was younger and I needed her opinions and direction, but I'm grown now and I need a friend not a "MOM" I just need support. Hopefully I'll find some of that here. I feel ashamed, I know that is an NT society thing to feel AShamed because society says being alone means you must be crazy and noone wants you, but I've happy being alone. I just feel so vulnerable because I am alone.

Last edited by ava777 on 07 Feb 2013, 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Me too, me too...

Just a miserable evening. I'm agitated before I even get to work. I get there, and ask to work in the back and no one would just leave me be for a little while, and people kept taking over what I was doing so I left crying and felt everyone staring like I was a zoo animal and ill be written up for poor attendance...again...
Drove home from work in the snow and snow plows kept kicking up snow on my windshield and I could hardly see the road as it was. Made a quick stop before arriving home, and someone I really like was there and I am messy and agitated and shaking..
Thank God this day is almost over. I wish I could make everyone understand. I wish I could hibernate for the next two months.

I'm having another panic attack. Mostly out of fear and confusion.

Why did I never commit myself to getting away from my obsession? Why did I always look for ways I could change the situation to my benefit. It was always my problem. Now I am inches from getting in trouble and I stopped myself. But I'm so scared. I might be paranoid right now, but I think I really just need to get away from her. I was too late to have the opportunity to pull myself together and say that.

And it wasn't like I couldn't see who she would be attracted to... not me...

I wish some of the bad things in life would disappear from my memory, for just for a second. A second is all I really need. I need a break from all of this. I can't handle it anymore. I want a moment of peace, a break.
I need a hug. I want to laugh and smile with someone. I want a friend, one who I can talk to when needed. Someone who'll get me.
I feel like people don't understand me, people don't understand my problems. People think I'm lazy, mean, and a drama Queen. Many refuse to even try to understand my situation.

I feel the exactly the same.

And to top it all off, wherever I go I'm treated like a genius, or occasionally a ret*d, when really I'm neither. I'm not actually sure which I prefer. All I here every day is "Hey, physicsnut, OMG you're like a supergenius!!". I can't take it. They think because I know what a quark is I'm the next Einstein. And there's absolutely no one who knows a thing about science, anyway, so lots of times I just feel like the world is naive, not me, and no one cares about anything. I've been in jail for years and there's no way out.

I cant decide what to do. I want to kill myself but i may not be able to if i go back in to hospital. I'm such a damn idiot, i change my f*****g mind all the time and others hate me for it. If i turn around now they may get suspicious and section me again.

HammorHorror, please ask for help if you need it. Hope everything works out ok for you. Do not be too hard on yourself and no one, not anyone is perfect.