Rants

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Here's a good one...

PEOPLE WHO MAKE ANIME VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE and use ANIME pictures in their avatars. I CAN'T STAND THOSE STUPID BUG EYED CREATINS and almost get a seizure from catching glimpses of any of the shows.

I find them rather tiring too...


I'm UNIQUE! I have NO avatar, and a signature that hasn't changed since I joined this board a year and a half ago!

deleted.

Last edited by Graelwyn on 24 Aug 2007, 1:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

removed.
Emotional expression is pointless and stupid.

I dont know how to change myself.
I have tried so hard over the years, and for times, I manage to be a decent caring person, but then I become selfish and cruel and unable to see anything but my own pain and needs.
And I utterly hate myself for this. And I do not see any way I can change it as it is so set in my personality.
I have no place in the world, nothing I can offer anyone, I can never truly love or be loved and that really does make it hard for me to find in myself any will or desire to carry on. One cannot feel fulfilled from DVDs and books and trinkets alone, nor from dreams and fantasies that can never be.
And in truth, I am giving up. I dont want any sympathy, I dont want anything but to be free and never to have to hear what a hateful person I am and never to have to see this dilemma inside me again.
I want to be dead and I will achieve this even if it takes me a while to get the courage.
I truly right now, cannot see any motive to carry on.
Not because there is no one there, but because I cannot bear to live with the conflict inside me of who I am.
The patterns I cannot seem to break.
The knowledge that I am an essentially nasty person.
And cannot even seem to motivate myself to achieve something worthwhile.

It annoys me so much when we're told we have to "change" - as if what we are just isn't good enough and the people who say so have more faults than us. I also hate how I've internalised these disapproving voices and engage in self-castigation far more than is healthy.

I join that club often. There's a lot of self-castigating I do that's actually good, but there's also a lot I do that puts too much weight on what other people think, and, consequently, puts that extra weight on MY shoulders. (Oh, what power other people have over us, which we don't even realize!) And that latter kind of self-castigating is stress that I don't need. Psychologists refer to "positive stress" and "negative stress". Trying to improve yourself equates to positive stress -- the kind that is healthy if somewhat painful, like an exercise routine. But, caring what superficialities you meet is negative stress -- the kind that has a lasting detrimental effect on your body and mind. Drawing starker lines between these two catagories might help. Taking the sage advice "Don't sweat the small stuff", figure out what sh** you're putting yourself through that actually IS small stuff, and throw it out of your life. I often ask myself, "Am I caring about something that's worth caring about? Or am I just beating myself up for others' pleasure?"

I would like to complain that my rave thread is not getting enough posts. Tis making me feel terrible.

give it some time
actually i didn't understand just by title , only when i opened it, and normally i never look at threads that don't give a clear idea about what it is before you click it, but that's just me.
it seems a nice idea,
but for later
cause right now i'm more in a ranting mood (although i'm more a 'rave'person in general)

but not able to rant about myself,or only just a little, maybe i'll answer someone else, it seems to be easier to take another perspective.
the point is i need a job and i just want to have it, not search it, that's such a chaotic business, talking to people i won't see the rest of my life but only for the sake of 'maybe' and doing that multiple times, i just hate it.
i wish i could just want a job, and have it

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Last edited by lemon on 27 Aug 2007, 3:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm too lazy even to read the rest of this thread! I feel like I should but not now!


I feel so jumpy! The argument with my mother somehow spun me around-- odd expression, but I feel so out of tune! Men with confident looks on their faces make me sick, they make me want to tear them apart! And I was talking to them, just having normal conversations, early today!

Academics make me feel lonely and fwightened... *lip trembling* *wimpering*
lol

They make me feel most vulnerable and I get scared because of such things.
I'm bored too... the girl I'm after can't be online because her computer is bust... hasn't been able to do anything online since the 21st... I don't know whether to pursue her through texting, or leave it, or what...

I thought that I was over it, but suddenly, just BAM!
And all they did to save my life: prescribe citalopram.
At first it made my giddy and it helped me to connect!
But then it stopped. I realized that's just a side effect!
The real thing it did to me was make me sleep too much,
which made me more depressed cause I was further losing touch.
People say I'm manic but I'm really just depressed.
The fact that they don't understand just makes me way more stressed.
The fact that life is so slow and my mind works way way faster
is the reason why the one thing I can handle is disaster.
I'm just a sweet, pathetic girl who never had a life.
So the best thing I can to to get people together is with strife.
I wish that you could help me. I hope that someone can.
Cuz the time is running out and soon the s**t will hit the fan!
I sometimes think of stirring s**t so I won't feel so dead
but I say this with my empty hands held high above my head.
I don't want to cause trouble and get thrown into a box.
Please don't do that; please have mercy; please no doors or bolts or locks!

Damn internet, I got on fine before I went to London, but now since Wednesday, it has been hellish to get on. I have an adaptor I stick out the window because my landlord's router is so far away now... I am lucky to even get on googletalk and rarely managed anything else. It is a nightmare and every time I fail to get on leads to a major, major attack of rage and angst. I hate being totally cut off from everyone, and that is essentially what I am without the internet. At the same time, I hate that it has so much power over me. I hate the idiots who are probably downloading loads of crap and therefore taking all the bandwidth.

Damn internet, I got on fine before I went to London, but now since Wednesday, it has been hellish to get on. I have an adaptor I stick out the window because my landlord's router is so far away now... I am lucky to even get on googletalk and rarely managed anything else. It is a nightmare and every time I fail to get on leads to a major, major attack of rage and angst. I hate being totally cut off from everyone, and that is essentially what I am without the internet. At the same time, I hate that it has so much power over me. I hate the idiots who are probably downloading loads of crap and therefore taking all the bandwidth.

Dear Graelwyn,

It's OK to say 'I give up', what makes us go on is oftentime beyond us...
I may not have been the best friend and I may not be very useful, but just to let you know that you have a friend here.
You are a significant person. Just like everybody else is.
Please hang in there, life has its good sides..
And if you please, tell me the same thing when I'm saying the same words of anger and despair, as you have done many times...