Rants

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Just being awake is painful. I find it hard to even move. I keep thinking about death. My mind feels like a used tampon.

It'll pass.

I am not sure I really understand how my problem works anymore. Learning little by little, its hard. Seems more complicated than it should be. A lot seems based on logical and causal progressions which I have to go back and fix and rethink. Need to avoid letting them build too much and acting too impulsively. Still questions regarding how, who, what, when, where, why.

The person who wrote the ad below is apparently successful enough to be able to hire someone.
F**k everything.

Don't you hate it when your executive functioning abilities take damage faster than you can repair them.

Why do extremely social NTs think being introverted is bad? Why do they think it is their job to socialize people whom they see as atypical? They think they are doing us a favor by getting us to be "normal". They think socialization is good for us by forcing us to go to loud party's to make small talk with people we don't know and will never see again. Do they not know that they are causing more harm than good? What is wrong with being a quiet thinker who appreciates the simple things in life? Don't they know that loud crowded places scare us and being forced to go into places like that and perform according to how they want is just plain scary to some people? How would they feel being forced to be quiet in a place with no one around?

I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK WITH THEIR EMOTIONS, NEVER WITH LOGIC. Why, why do they exist?! They're holding back human evolution. The books say no personality type is any better than the others, but what good are they except to muddy issues with their whining and crying? They ignore evidence if it makes them feel bad, warp scientific concepts to fit their self-centered, immature view of the world.

I have s**t genes. My parents were a pathetic couple of dice to roll in the first place and they rolled a very bad roll when I was produced.

I hated university because I felt like the biggest scumbag there. Everyone was so attractive and well-bred and I was this crude, ugly beast. I am screeching-at-the-stars insane.

I want a re-roll and I want different dice. Effectively, I don't want to be me. I need destroying. Someone destroy me. God, if you exist, I implore you to destroy me!

Arrrrrrrrrrghfk!

[quote="starkid"]
I HATE PEOPLE WHO THINK WITH THEIR EMOTIONS, NEVER WITH LOGIC. Why, why do they exist?! They're holding back human evolution. The books say no personality type is any better than the others, but what good are they except to muddy issues with their whining and crying? They ignore evidence if it makes them feel bad, warp scientific concepts to fit their self-centered, immature view of the world.[/quote]

Find the cryptic clue in human evolution and you'll soon be running for presidency

Just a vent to clear my head again...

It's obviously not about me, so disregard is my default. There was a heap of contempt and disregard. I wasn't frothing for male attention, and I don't compete for something so silly. The benefit of the doubt is obviously a foreign concept, and I have a feeling I was very two dimensional for you. You talked to everyone else, except for me. Why couldn't you ever just talk with me?

1. I can sympathize with you because your boss has been making you work overtime without giving you any overtime pay, but can you stop making "Do you hear the people sing?" your blog's background music because of this? Firstly, I have always been allergic to this song because it sounds so artificially cheerful to my tone-deaf ears. Secondly, yes, I acknowledge that your boss has been oppressing you, but no, I don't think that you are so oppressed that you have no choice but to identify yourself with oppressed French peasants who lived hundreds of years ago. Thirdly, you yourself aren't 100% pure and innocent. You have been making my life miserable through your passive-aggressive behavior, so you are some sort of bully/oppressor too, therefore you have no right to openly accuse your boss of being a bully/oppressor. (The pot is calling the kettle black.)
2. You equated socialization with speaking French. You said something like, "If people are bad at speaking French, then they should continue speaking French until they have perfected it..." Hello? If I mess French up, the very worst consequence is..nothing of significance. However, if I mess socialization up, sometimes people bear me a grudge that still lasts until today. Even when I'm genuinely apologetic, they still refuse to forgive me. That's why I avoid socialization whenever possible.
3. Oh my God, oh my God, why can't I just shut my brain up? Every time I ignore one bad memory, more bad memories will overwhelm my mind.
4. My pet peeve: Aspies on WP who jump to the defense of NTs as soon as any NT is criticized. Maybe your positive experiences with NTs outnumber your negative experiences with them, but for Aspies like me, our negative experiences with NTs FAR outnumber our positive experiences with them. When I criticize NTs, I'm not criticizing every single NT in the world okay, no need to be so protective, NTs won't be grateful to you for defending them from criticism anyway. I regard WP as somewhere safe enough for me to rant, if I can't rant on WP, I really don't know where else I can rant.
5. I hate you for turning any event into a competition for social status. I hate you for scrutinizing every move that I make. I hate you for robbing me of my self-esteem. When people say that I'm low in self-esteem, I just grin and bear with whatever they say. You don't make me feel suicidal. You make me feel MURDEROUS. I don't ever want to see you again. I would rather be locked up in an asylum than see you again.

whirlingwind had a point but some of which she wrote could have been stilted anyway.
[b][u]Passive Presentation of AS[/u][/b]
"Often amiable, gentle, and easily led. Those passive rather than aloof from infancy may fit AS. More likely than the aloof to have had a mainstream education, and their psych skill profiles are less uneven. Social approaches passively accepted (little response or show of feelings). Characteristic autistic egocentricity less obvious in this group than in others. Activities are limited and repetitive, but less so than other autistics. Can react with unexpected anger or distress. Recognition of their autism depends more on observing the absence of the social and creative aspects of normal development than the presence of positive abnormalities. The general amenability is an advantage in work, and they are reliable, but sometimes their passivity and naivete can cause great problems. If undiagnosed, parents and teachers may be disappointed they cannot keep a job at the level predicted from their schoolwork."

[b][u]Passive Presentation Asperger's[/u][/b]
-passively accepts social approaches as long as the other person initiates and keeps it going
-may enjoy social contact but does not initiate it or seek it out
-may or may not make eye contact
-social approaches from people are tolerated as long as they're not sudden/unexpected or intrusive/disruptive
-quiet, easy going, can engage in activities led by others

There is also this one which could apply to you:

[b]Stilted[/b]
Few, if any clues to the underlying subtle handicap upon first meeting. The features of AS are particularly frequent. Early histories vary. Normal range of ability with some peaks of performance. Polite and conventional. Manage well at work. Sometimes pompous and long-winded style of speech. Problems arise in family relationships, where spontaneity and empathy are required. Poor judgement as to the relative importance of different demands on their time. Characteristically pursue interests to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. May have temper tantrums or aggression if routine broken at home, but are polite at work. Diagnosis very often missed. Most attend mainstream schools. Independence achieved in most cases. This group shades into the eccentric end of normality

Glow

There is no such thing as more of a typical or non typical aspie regardless of age or status.
Whoevers been involved in helping to write this, needs to get a grip on reality and realise that
trying to make people take notice of your abject needs and desires is not going to make everything better,
in fact it will probably stir up more hatred and fear created in this society we live in today than create real
justice for anyone who's trying hard to make their own differences count in the modern day age.
We are all equal within our moral strata . For me, the term aspie is not just another word for excentric person.
If theres going to be a term for everything then it should be published in a dictionary, cos
the term non-typical is just another catchphrase to tell people well i am but im not.
You are what you are, regardless of foreign descent background or, whatever.
so, if someone is going to have any diagnosis at all about their lives they're going to want the facts,
not gibberish about their forgotten past and stuff. if theres a qst that needs posting it should be
find out where i am on the spectrum and not, where did it all go wrong or how my life came to this.
it just sounds depressing to even raise this to a satisfactory answer .
call it an nld impersonation or trivial resistance and then who would be laughing .
the point of having any asd is to focus on one point rather than many, and count yourself blessed if
anyone takes notice of you at all. there are no facts without some simple shread of cognital humanity attached
to someone with a degree of sense. the main outlook is not only the cognitive but positive under a possible conduct .
Usually aspies have a clear sense of whats right and whats wrong so pardon the intrusion into
debates by an alphabetical morse code club but shouldn't that be happening here as well?
i understand there is a need for everything in this life but one should never forget the life
that has been bestowed upon us by human creation and if i were a spartan my life would just be
nill poi im afraid, so look solely into your own grass roots first, and then take the first encouraging
steps into adulthood.

Replys are always acknowledged first via your own descretion.

All the things that are pissing me off today? Whoot!

- I can't get a job interview, even though I am qualified to do the work, because I don't have a Bachelor's Degree.
- The idiot boy who married my niece (a lovely person) cheated on her with a whore who makes amateur porn. Now he and niece are divorced, and he's off shooting innocent animals in the woods and f*****g his new whore. Hope you get a disease, jerkface. (Since his girlfriend will do anybody that moves, it's pretty likely he'll actually contract a disease.)
- Trying to find a place to post questions without receiving snarky answers from neurotypical women who are so snotty and smug. Would it kill them to act like a pleasant person and just offer help without a side dish of bitchery?
- I'm still pissed off at the local store owner who chased me down a sidewalk after we parked in a five-minute space outside his store, then ran to help someone we thought was having a heart attack. I had to deal with explaining to the owner while my husband tried to help the guy in the truck (turned out he was fine). No thanks for helping, no apologies from as*hole in the parking lot. So much for doing a good deed.
- My idiot sister (mother of aforementioned niece) who is a master manipulator.
- My brothers, who consider autism and related conditions "terrible diseases". Which is funny since one of them has it and the other one's eldest son has it, for sure.
- Let the gay people marry. Legally. Not civil unions. Not whatever goofy code-speak for "almost legally married, yet not"; married.
- My athiest "friend" who constantly puts down anybody who believes in any sort of god or religion whatsoever. You are on my last nerve, sister. You say you're a friend? When you dump on religion, you dump on my parents' beliefs. I listen to you talk about your athiesm. I don't try to make you believe or disbelieve anything. I give you the right of way to think as you please. Why can't you do the same for others?
- My husband, when he ignores things I am talking about because he isn't interested. You think I want to sit and listen to all of your special interest obsessions every single freaking day? I do because I support you, but seriously, please go make a new friend who shares those interests and blab about it with them.
- My mother-in-law. Thanks for being consistently negative. I don't want to hang out with you because the last time I saw you in person (other than at our wedding), you said I didn't get hired because I wasn't smart enough to do the job. Oh, helllll, no.
- Neighbors who let their kids outside to scream for hours on end, and play unfairly, which causes the youngest kid to cry. Every. Single. Day.
- Jerk neighbor guy who has noisy sex. SSSHHH.
- Jerk neighbor guy #2 who has noisy masturbation sessions every afternoon at 4 p.m. SSSHHH! I don't want to hear you, especially.
- Yesterday I had a neurotypical friend tell me that she knows "lots of people on the spectrum" and that a character on television whom I think does a pretty good job of portraying how bizarre life with AS can be told me that the character is actually a "lazy parody" of people with AS, and it was all I could do not to start yelling at her in an e-mail. I relate to him, so how is that "wrong"? Stupid..
- People who slam the metal gates in our complex. So noisy. So unnecessary.
- All the pregnant women online who find a way to rub their pregnancy in everyone's face. Not everyone can get pregnant as easily as you, okay, and not everyone can "just adopt" (as you apparently can) and not everyone can afford to "do whatever it takes" to build a family. So, please, try and have a little consideration.
- All the new friends who say, "Really? You're autistic? But you seem so normal!" Shut up.
- Idiots on the Yelp talk forums who make inane and sexist comments in response to my question.
- Companies that don't take any responsibility for their web forums.
- People who put their PayPal button up everywhere because they think everyone with a bleeding heart will just go ahead and pay for their cat's gallbladder operation or some celebrity's movie they want to see produced or, my favorite, "pay my bills so I can keep being a writer/musician/artist/student/beggar" and not actually work to pay my bills, the way YOU have to do.
- Strawberries that go bad two days after I buy them. Seriously?
- Bashing within the autistic community. It's a spectrum, and not everyone is at the level you're at, so please, try not to be an as*hole or jealous. "He doesn't have to work, why do I have to work?" :: sigh :: He can't handle working, okay? It's not a choice. Repeat after me: IT IS NOT A CHOICE.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I hate f***ing holidays, and I really don't want to go back to visit. I'm on the phone with my mom setting up Easter plans for five f***ing minutes and my sister is crying in the background, and my dad is hollering not to let the door hit her in the @ss on the way out. Maybe it's a good thing--a reminder why the heck I moved away so I only have to visit twice a year.