scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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8.

Confident about tomorrow, and keeping the cold at bay.

5
better, for some reason

+6

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Every day is a gift- cherish it!

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0

It started out good at first, but it started to have its ups and downs.

-1

-10 I am literally worrying myself sick. It is terrible. Next year will be dark. No light at the end of the tunnel. The storm clouds will come and never leave. It will be right over us and it will be bright and sunny everywhere else. The anxiety has been so severe that I have been regressing and dissociating with nearly all my knowledge gone. I have returned but it lasted several days. It wasn't another personality but I was as smart as a 5 year old. I literally couldn't read or write. My spelling was that of a child but I still knew my age. But the scary thing is that the first day I couldn't recognize anyone in my family. Still when I look in the mirror I can't recognize myself because its all distorted and alien. Once I looked like a monkey. When I was regressed, I didn't have a vocabulary of a 30 year old but more like a 5 year old or even younger. Next year my dad is thinking of moving to Seattle in a high crime area with a house like a dump. It is because his group at where he works is moving there. Its because the company is doing so badly. Their stock hasn't recovered yet and I have been waiting for over 10 years. My brother had an SSI hearing yesterday and it failed but we still have a small chance of it succeeding if my brother takes a class. Next year in the world will be overly bright with very few disasters and no war. But the hell will be with my family and of course a family here and there but most families will improve at least economically but not us we will get much worse off than the average person. My anxiety is getting worse every year. My depression is getting worse every year. My schizoaffective is getting worse every year. My autism is getting worse again after coming far out of it. Now there are times I go completely nonverbal and that never happened since I was a kid. I can't understand what others say when they are talking to me. Different words come out of their mouths than what was actually said. My dad actually said to me today that expect a LOT of stress for the remainder of our lives. Much more than in the past. And what's bad is the last few years have been immensely stressful. And it will get 100 times worse? Will I live much longer. I probably won't be able to enjoy the technology that will come out in coming years because we won't be able to afford anything exciting ever again. We used to be able to buy anything we wanted. Well not cars and stuff but I am talking about movies and games. Well a long time ago we did buy cars outright. We used to be able to afford ink for our printer and for the first time ever we didn't even buy it yet and its been months. We used to afford it with no problem. No every little thing is becoming to expensive while I read constant reports of record earnings from companies and the economy. I can't even be thankful for my family's health. My dad is getting worse with every health problem. Just a few years ago he was healthy with no surgeries or any noticeable health problems except obesity. Mom has near death experiences every year. Rushed to the hospital with extreme fevers. Right now we live in a dream house but it will be gone. That is all.

-8 beware of what you think and do, the Tommy knockers will be coming after you

-10
Been sick yet again, catching too often

2. I'm 30 in 9 days time. I'm just kinda blah about it because I should have achieved more things in my life by now. I feel like all my best years to do them are behind me and now it's too late. I don't feel like celebrating my birthday at all.

-2... Feeling cold, exhausted, and brittle. I've got a doctor appointment Friday morning, and I'm hoping whatever is wrong with me is easily fixed. Though I am worried about being ignored and mislabeled as depressed or as a head case. My former physician from years ago risked my life protecting his arrogant pride, and now I'm rather wary/scared of doctors. I'm just trying to relax and not focus on the appointment until I have to be there

-3 Life is grand at times not so at others.

+3. It was -3 earlier today, so I'm content with my feelings at the moment.

-10 nothing is going right. I think my dad is dying. He is struggling to stay awake during the day and so far its lasted several weeks. I mean even though he works at home, he needs naps throughout the day. He's NEVER done this before. Before he would be able to stay awake. None of my parents can drive at night anymore. I have a lazy brother who CAN drive but he only does drive if it is something he likes and never helps with the family. Just argues. My dad is showing early signs of Alzheimer's disease. His memory is getting worse with each passing day. Its hard for him to figure things out including math. When he was in school he was at the top of the school in math, in fact during a state wide test (I think) he got a perfect score in math. Its getting harder and harder to do his work. he also acts weird and more weird as time goes on. I am scared that I will lose both parents soon. On top of that then next year's insurance will be worse and more expensive from dad's work if he works next year. He is getting stressed out more easily. Thank you stupid Obamacare. I have NOTHING to look forward to. I just see horrible things in my future along with my family's future. We just have none.

+2 Made it through a very long band/choir concert at the school. It means a lot to my son for me to be there, so I braved an hour and a half of cramped bleached seating and someone's foot in my rear at regular intervals. Tomorrow there's a two hour Halloween party, but hopefully it's not as painful.

-5

-2. Still doing nothing with my life, felt crappy a few times this week, becoming even more frustrated in general, computer's suddenly going slower, and now Adblock isn't working. Ads piss me off!
...At least I didn't drink today.