Rants

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I just completely lost it and behaved in a selfish and stupid manner. Only really serves to hurt. It would be nice to have some sane form of communication.

It's hard to really fit into a forum in a week... or a month. It's still a place to post openly and a lot of people will probably understand where you're coming from.

Why do I always feel so tempted to interact with you, yet I feel so empty afterwards. Is it always anger? Why do I feel like its always excuses or reasons you shouldn't bother caring and its all my fault. You do put forth some effort. It just never seems like the right effort to me. I end up being the one who has to lose in the end. We just keep standing in the way of each other.

I can learn some about interacting, and I can learn how to say what I need to say better and be more comfortable about it. Wouldn't be the same as it was. I can always try harder. I never really appreciated what I had.

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE THE OPPOSITE SEX SINCE I BEGAN TO LOOK FOR MS. RIGHT. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDRED OF MILLIONS OF MILES, IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR WOMEN. HATE. HATE.

I had planned to let myself down gently. Don't you love a good plan?

I don't need a rant, I need a rave

I wish I could read people's thoughts. I'm so sick of getting excited about something and then people f*****g me off because they were just humouring me all along.

I love working with other people but other people don't love working with me. I wish more people would take a leap of faith regarding me. I mean mainly in this musical project I'm doing, but also with relationships, friendships, anything creative, even work. I had to take a leap of faith in myself in order to go out and do anything, otherwise I'd just become a shut-in or kill myself. I really have no self-belief, but I force myself to have some in order to get anything done. The things I want to do mean it's not enough just for me to believe in myself, other people have to, as well.

I end up blaming my appearance and neurological conditions for people's apprehension about me, but I don't think it's either of those things.

I HATE it when I'm working with people in a group on a project and they start making all sorts of excuses for being late with their work, not coming to class, not doing their research, etc. It's especially difficult to encourage them by email, dammit! It's like they are okay and participate in class, but then totally zone out at home and forget all about it! Totally pisses me off, and that's why I'd rather work alone.

I just want to slap them in the face and command them to do their darn work, but I know that's mean.

When I make a mistake, I have a hard time running with it; I want to rip it up and start all over again.

I AM a mistake. So much about me is wrong but I wouldn't get a chance to do it over again if I aborted myself. I have to run with my stupid, mistakeful self.

Time to rip the bandaid off. It hurts.

Last edited by MjrMajorMajor on 15 May 2013, 12:26 am, edited 3 times in total.

I f..cking hate life no gf no nothing and I want to die

I am finding that I have no value. I can't get a job, I can't find a partner (and there's supposed to be so many aspie guys out there looking for women, but none of them want me.)
I've been fighting the Darwinian urge to kill myself for 33 years now, and I'm thinking . . . why? There is nothing here that makes me happy; I can't even function without massive doses of seroquel.
I've always hung in there because of my Mom, but I'm thinking if I was gone, she could just move on with her life. Maybe it would even leave her free of the burden of me.
I don't know. I keep thinking I'm going to find a place where I belong, but maybe not here on Earth.

Some people are aware of my difficulties and try to be kind. They might not want to give much of their time, but they care to a certain extent. Or at least want to think of themselves as "caring" and so make allowances sometimes.

Some are aware of my difficulties and keep a distance. These are the people who follow the reasoning "Don't keep the company of "negative" people, they will drag you down. Maintain your connection with the positive energy of the Universe by shunning people who don't add to your pleasure in life." Selfishness dressed up as spirituality. They still expect me to give sympathy when something goes wrong for them despite their unwillingness to lift a finger when something goes wrong for me.

A visitor to my home started spouting nonsense and I let him know I disagreed. When I tried to say why I disagreed he interrupted me and suggested to the others they should ignore me because I had a "dismissive attitude". Instead of listening to why I disagreed with him he encouraged others to dismiss me because I didn't treat him with sufficient "respect". He didn't want a debate, he wanted an unquestioning and admiring audience.
And he showed no apparent understanding of the contradiction in his statements.

Just when I think things are getting slightly better for the first time in weeks... I get news that makes me cry. FML

And if you are reading this... I'm sorry I was so abrupt and to the point in my message. You said it yourself neither of us are good with overt displays of emotion.
At the time I was hurrying to type it before things really hit me. I'm so sorry, I wish I could be there.

I really wish that for once, I would come into a group and just not hate so many people. Granted, I don't join many, or very often. I am sick and tired of being let down by people. Maybe my standards are too high but I feel like I'm hanging out with people who are normal-lite. I see few aspirations expressed here for anything better than arbitrary and hollow standards. I haven't looked long, but there's enough already that I want to drop this place.
I don't think I do communities of any sort, but this one is particularly irritating somehow.

Yeah... I'm going. I'm getting into a better enough situation in soon enough, that I don't need the crappy tradeoff for support or even interaction.

If this doesn't belong in rants, feel free to delete it or move it. I really don't care. I said it and I feel as better about it as I probably will for now.

So I guess it's not right to reply to a rant in a rant-thread, but you have expressed nothing that you want from people here as far as I know. You can't be personally let down until you've done that. Anyway, safe trip to another forum that suits you better!