scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-8 so worthless and pointless and so alone :'(

- 6.5 . . . getting better. I went off my anti-depressants, not intentionally but with Easter holidays and my lassitude I missed them for 4 days, plus I ran out of weed at the same time. I forget sometimes how these things effect me. But recovering now. It really scares me how close I am to self-destruction un-medicated. (I did cut my arm, which irks me because I had been three years without self-harming. And now I know it's still inside me.)

-10 urges to just end. It

Please don't end it.

Treat it like an illness, there are ebbs and flows. Try to ride it with as little damage as possible. You're not alone in this.

Feeling pretty ok right now. My parents had a kitchen fire a couple of weeks back. No one wwas hurt and the damage wasn't too exentsive. So i've been going over there and helping repair what damage there was. It feels good to be able to do something valuable for someone.

I'm back to -5 how long it last idk weeks or days meh. Feel so worthless. Got test back and no diabetics of stds to which my two friends were like yay, but I wasn't happy, to which one pointed out did you want to have those. Idk Maybe I did deep in side, a way to death out of my control, all be it slow but faster then this 80 more years sentence I have now. I don't like pain, and fear death while also wanting it death not pain. Well its not really want I want but what I want is unobtainable. So I came closer to doing it which I hadn't done in over 2 years. 1" from death, one slip and could have accidentally done it. I always seem to stop there, too afraid to do it, So I went for a drive, which while dangerous in that mindset is safer then being in my room. One plus being I don't keep liqour on hand and tend to get this way after the store closes, so at least My mindset can't be altered to a point where the fear and reason is gone. the reason the side of me wanting death wants the whiskey. Helps to just get out be it a drive or walk, buys time, though It does seem to be the unavoidable destiny however I expect it 5 years down the road.

feel like this should be another post, but I don't know how to do that and have yous two see.

The thing with death is you never know when it's going to happen, but it is very likely to be unpleasant. In whatever form it takes. Even if you try to take it into your own hands, you don't know for sure you're not going to screw it up. Life is like a forced marched. With this threat looming all the time.

true. though some get to go painlessly in their sleep. I've had anxiety about having something kill me while i sleep, like poison .
Glad you didn't hurt yourself. We may not agree on some things, but you still seem like a nice person.

Thanks . . . I am glad you are feeling better as well.
Death is such a mystery. It may not even be an ending.

I don't even know where I'd put myself on a scale from -10 to 10 but I haven't been right for a couple weeks now, I've just felt non-stop anxiety since then. I hope this isn't the new normal because I can't live like this. I'm hoping to leave home soon and my parents actually seem to support the idea so hopefully when that happens things(we're looking at a place this Friday) will start feeling better. I actually have a plan of sorts and I'm really excited about it but if it doesn't work at this point, I'll probably be more devastated than I've ever been. I know I shouldn't get mind set on things and get excited, I realized this as these feelings were forming but I couldn't help it. It's quite a mood swing to go from the worst panic attack I've ever had to actually being excited about doing something. I have no patience and can't wait any longer, I'm a child and it's killing me. Things can't stay the same, either they get better or they get worse and I can't live with it getting any worse. I'm hoping to see a therapist or whatever soon, at this point I think pretty much everyone that knows me knows something is wrong but I don't think they realize how hard it is for me to ask for help. I've always had stuff going on under the surface that I never shared but now it's all bubbling up. I'm proud of myself for seeking help finally but it is a hail mary, that's the last card I have to play and if it doesn't work out after that I don't know. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan, by next week things will be better for me. I need to start moving or I'll start sinking.

-8, paralyzed with anxiety waiting for my grade

-2, rather weary and confused for now.

-6

-5 Rather tired, and pining.

-10 Having weird phantom sensations on my tongue and elsewhere. Overall, almost feel like I am having a mixed episode of some sort.