scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+4, took my last dose of prednisone, maybe I should watch out for blaming everything on medication, but I home my mood swings stabilize from now on. I will have to se what the last drop does.

-5 struggling to find the light in all the darkness. Where am I going?

Prednisone is a pretty heavy steroid, hope you weren't on it for long. Hope something wonderful if coming your way soon.

I've just woken up, feeling a 5. Would be higher if cat hadn't just thrown up on the carpet (again!) and back pain wasn't making its near-constant presence felt (waiting for operation).

-7 feel like I don't even want my degree anymore

-5

Finally having my first day completely off prednisone and feeling great. Stuff has a really short half-life in the body according to Wikipedia, so as long as I do not become too dependent, which is why I was on a taper twice as long as the time I was taking it, I should be feeling much better from now on. Each dosage of the taper was a completely different experience.

+10, finals? Pft, bring em on.

+2 at least an asteroid didn't crash into my forehead

6 today after getting up, painkillers kicking in while having my morning coffee, have an appt to get my hair cut in an hour, otherwise would be an 8.5 today!

-3 straight anxiety attack for no apparent reason, it's directing itself somewhere however...

There's always a reason?

Today I am at 9! Woke up feeling great, even back pain was better than usual and cat hasn't been sick on the carpet (YET!) (He's old and has kidney disease which causes phosphates to collect in his bloodstream which triggers the vomiting).

I'm in a good phase, after months of being under the black cloud. Hope it lasts.

-X
If things don't start to change for better in the next few weeks, I'm rather certain I'll be ending this walk early. I've done everything I know to try and create change in my life, and nothing has worked to pull me free of my perpetual prison. I've even asked for help from family while at the bottom of this pit and have been continuously ignored. I cannot handle a simple solitary existence, and that appears my life sentence. I'll paint the walls with my mind before I let madness steal it from me.

I'm assuming this is a linear scale, rather than exponential, logarithmic or other.
-5, because I had a meltdown a few hours ago which I feel like I could have prevented (caused by anxiety and self-doubt, I think), and then cut myself because I felt guilty about it, then cried for an hour because I felt guilty about cutting myself. I feel better now, as I am 'writing it out' on WP, and listening to heavy metal, both of which help me stay sane.

[quote=Lace-Bane]If things don't start to change for better in the next few weeks, I'm rather certain I'll be ending this walk early. I've done everything I know to try and create change in my life, and nothing has worked to pull me free of my perpetual prison. I've even asked for help from family while at the bottom of this pit and have been continuously ignored. I cannot handle a simple solitary existence, and that appears my life sentence. I'll paint the walls with my mind before I let madness steal it from me.[/quote]
I know I am being a little hypocritical here as I am not exactly a shining example of mental well-being and happiness myself (see above), but I have improved since a few months ago. Seriously, try, try, try to help your happiness. See a psychiatrist if you're really feeling so suicidal. Exercise more (which produces endorphins). Try to find an activity you enjoy. Tell your family just how despondent you are feeling, even suicidal - perhaps they do not realise the true size and extent of the problem. Here are a few WP threads that might help you:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt70427.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt48840.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt256199.html

I've been working on improving my quality of life for awhile now. Healthy food, exercise, focus on my music studies, working with mindfulness, putting myself out around people, building my life/social skills, planning for future, and more. My ideation is not based off of depression, but miserable circumstances. I'm the type of person who's only real joy comes from being amongst other people I've become close to, helping others, and staying in frequent motion when it comes to new scenery. So being trapped in a solitary lifestyle and stranded on disability is quite agonizing. I also have health issues that are enough to make me pray for death as they keep me from being able to think clearly and even make me dizzy and very clumsy in movement during the worst of times which make me completely useless. My eyes are also failing at age 27, and it's only incredibly fortunate that I don't need eyes to play music.

I don't know how to better explain... I'm not sad, just mostly feeling weary, cornered and scared. I seem to have lost all interest in everything... hobbies, romance, and life dreams alike that used to leave me able to be content while doing my own thing all alone. Without anything I want, everything is a chore. Also, without having anyone wish to get to know me further than acquaintance including my family in real life for a couple years now, I've just started to grow more and more distant and lost inside to the point where I'm about to break.

As far as telling family, I mentioned I'm in critical condition and dealing with suicidal ideation to my father(only other family I have is my mother who's too far away to help in any way)... I think he would have to be incredibly dense to not understand what I was getting at, and that I was asking for tangible help. His response was religious and that I just need to give God time to work in my life. That kind of help does not help me where I'm at.

I'll likely try and see a few doctors once I get my insurance back, but I don't know how long the wait I have on that is... that's all I have the patience to hold out for at this point which is why I mentioned some few weeks at the start of my last post.

I'm not sure I sound particularly grateful as I'm rather low on rest(stupid RLS), but thank you for your concern.

I'm glad you are here. I've been where you are. Hoping something wonderful happens for you.

Lets say +8, I feel pretty good especially relative to how I've felt recently with the anxiety and panic attacks. Spent my first night at my own place, moved in and signed my lease yesterday. Finally being out of my parent's home is something I've waited a long time for. My parents are paying for it but this is hopefully my first step to being fully independent, I wasn't going anywhere living out amongst amongst the rural farm country and Indian reservations so now I'm up in downtown Phoenix. My place isn't very big, about the size of as dorm or so but I don't have to share it. The building seems like it has quite a few rules and is tightly controlled but I shouldn't have a problem following them and I guess it's good to be secure I guess. They don't allow any pets, not even fish, without a doctor's note which I think is kind of lame but whatever maybe I'll try to get one I dunno. I think I can do this, anything is better than my parent's house at this point. Going to try to schedule an appointment with therapist this week and get back to Voc Rehab, actually feel like I have a decent plan. I'm hoping to eventually go to school, ASU if I can but I think I'll have to go to community college first.

^^The doctor here gives people notes,it's not hard to get one for a pet.I know several people that have companion animals that got a note.If you have a regular Dr. ,You may could get them to call it in,or fax a paper without a visit.