scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Eh... -1. Not bad, just tired of being alone all day.

I am not sure. I am writing a letter that is going to burst open old wounds and i am not sure how it is going to be taken. I feel anxious but kind of in a good way. I am hoping i don't have to send it though. I think i'll give it a week.

0 - This could perhaps sum things up nicely:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp2unvNACZ8[/youtube]

-10 I am a pathetic peice of crap not worth the air I breath.

Sweetleaf, that's simply not true. Please stop beating up on yourself. You deserve better than this. Has someone been treating you badly?

bleh i got drunk and passed out at the movie theater, I think they were calling the cops on me or something when I came to. Got lost and wandered around downtown until like 2:30 until I found my way home, it was only like a mile or so but I went the wrong direction and made it like 10 miles I think. Nothing good happens when you drink, at least no one robbed me or anything I guess. -8

ugh, up that to -10. Hungover bad, I dunno why I did that. It was a complete waste of $8, I was out before the movie started and didn't come to until after it was over when they had security on my ass. I must of been pretty messed up still since I just wandered off into the night in the complete wrong direction, I had GPS on my phone and I was only like a mile or so from where I live but I got totally lost(phone died too so I was flying blind) and didn't get home until like 2:30.

0. i feel better now. i don't why i get so upset about the things i've lost.

-X

irreparable.

please, no response.

I know its not true....I was in kind of a bad spot last night and I think its more I've been treating myself badly rather than anyone else doing so. Basically I've been drinking too much and being sort of dumb about it, my brother confronted me about it last night and I was just feeling bad about that. But he only confronted me because he cares and doesn't want to see me hurt myself by drinking too much. I feel a bit better today, though just not too happy with myself about that issue.

9 today! Woke up and back pain had gone on holiday!! !! !! This is a rare event and I am feeling good

Sweetleaf, please take good care of yourself. It is all too easy to become our own worst enemy when things are getting us down. But you have to be on your own side. I am really glad that you are in a better space today. My wish for you: go from strength to strength today

-5, more arguing in my house...makes me anxious its stopped now so just trying to relax and what not. I have like a shot of vodka left somewhere in a mostly empty bottle which is tempting but I think the cup of chamomile tea I am drinking and getting some sleep is the healthier/safer option.

cat peed on my bed last night and my ps3 died for good 5 mins after that.
and now i'm feeling lonely and worthless cause I'm not good enough for women.
-6

-4 uhh, feel like I need to vomit because sometimes that happens when I have been feeling anxious, and am hungry at the same time and its almost 2 in the morning.

Zero so far. Have been up half an hour: the resident back pain, dysentery, milk spilt over kitchen floor, bouts of dizziness, eyesight blurred... not good this morning, the day can only get better, my friends. Could be worse, the cat hasn't vomited (yet).

Will improve a lot when pain killers kick in... it's Friday morning here in New Zealand, just after 8am. Almost Winter but not too cold. I miss those long long Summer days and nights. GABA is still helping me sleep well and mutes most of my anxiety.

Zero will probably climb to 8 once the pills kick in and if nothing else upsetting happens.

- 1. just realised (very belatedly) that my entire being is consumed by fear. Maybe I was too fearful to accept that. I'm too afraid to do anything. I'm stuck in a lonely place now.