scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-3

-5

-5 the pool seems stagnant and brackish. Time for a hike instead.

-4

0

+5, my kid actually has a playdate with a classmate from preschool. There is actually ONE PARENT who will allow their children to play with The Freak's kids.

+2, it's a really cool community-built park, with benches and shade. So even if we lose the other parent and his kids, we found ParkVana.

-2, the only parent who will let my daughter play with his kids only has sons. She's a girly girl. She's pretty mad that she can't hang out with the other little girls. How do I explain this to her??

-5, I'll probably blow it. And, did you catch the masculine pronoun up there?? God only knows what kind of disaster is going to come out of a stay-at-home MOM meeting a stay-at-home DAD at the park. Both of us being married isn't going to help when people decide they want to be lascivious little rumor-mongers.

I once had a guy who stopped by my house for coffee. He ran a business tending docks on the lake, and he got hot/cold depending on the season, and tired, and hungry. So I fed him coffee and water and PB&J sandwiches, and he paid it back in tending our dock for free when we were out of town and giving me 20 minutes of adult conversation every week or two.

My neighbor, who was pissed off because I kept rejecting his sexual advances, started a rumor that we were screwing each other. Most of town asked me if it was true and took my HELL NO for gospel...

...but the poor guy's wife left him over it. How f****d up is that?? As f****d up as folks.

I'll just say 0. But I'm not really sure how I feel. I know I'm not going backwards, being forced to swim against the tide, having to keep my head above water. But I'm not seeing progress either. I mean I haven't been able to effect significant change to my circumstances. I feel stuck. I feel like all those goals would be great to achieve and those rewards wonderful to feel, but there's no real way of actually getting there. It's like seeing a piece of land across the sea but knowing there's no bridge you can use to get there. i hope this isn't as far as i can go. Maybe it is, i don't know...

sill -4

A certain contentment over finally knowing what caused my bad relationship with my family (their irritation and frustrated expectations).
Deep sadness because I can´t go back and explain myself to settle their confusion about me.
-8

-6. I'm fighting a throat infection with antibiotics and hydrocodone and I'm feeling pretty lonely, to boot.

-1

Relaxed

-3

...

Put it at 0 right now I guess. I have some things to look forward but to everything seems too take longer than it should, I hope they work out because I need them to but I don't have high hopes. I usually always expect the worst to happen, it's a defense mechanism so I can handle it when it does. I wish things were easier, I just need to be tougher and more of a fighter if I'm ever going to get anywhere in my life.

-1

......