scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

Post Reply New Topic

-7

My parents got in an argument a few minutes ago, and I can't help but think this is my fault because I was concerned about getting my phone bill paid than my parents' problems. I wish I was more helpful.

-3.

Despite powder, dip, every brand of top-spot flea medication on the market, borax, and foggers, I still have a flea problem. I am, of course, perfectly certain that NTs do not get flea infestations, and if they do, they are able to deal with them efficiently.

The stupid claims adjuster tried to tell me that ice does not cause roof damage, and rather rudely denied my claim. When I told my husband about it, he proceeded to get angry, call our agent and complain, have me call our agent and complain, and then call the company and complain again. I really miss living in a falling-down 30+ year old trailer that I bought for $4000. It gave a lot less trouble.

My grandmother is coming to visit this weekend. And she's bringing the neighbors.

Grandma lives to do two things: brag about my wonderful accomplishments, and then get disappointed when my real life doesn't live up to her inflated versions of my wonderful accomplishments, and criticize and find fault with the best that I can do.

The neighbors are All-Around Wonderful People (TM). They really are swell-- I have known them since I was a child, and they know I'm "backward and awkward and generally strange." They have always been good to me-- laugh at my jokes, help Grandma out when she's in trouble, only lied to me A LITTLE BIT about how serious that intestinal blockage that she had last fall really was, fix my broke-down cars for a reasonable price (good Lord, the guy patched up the transmission in the falling-apart station wagon I tried to off-road in when I was 19, and it really wasn't his fault that the car from the auto auction that replaced it turned out to be a lemon-- it ran fine when he got it for me, and for about 30,000 miles after that-- it's just that the next 70,000 were s**t, and then the engine blew up-- and if I'd kept taking it to him instead of giving in to Someone's need to have a mechanic with a logo on his shirt, it probably would have run better and cost us less).

It's just that they're, well, All-Around Wonderful People. The kind of folks that are Great At Entertaining. They're always Hosting Church Socials and Everyone Loves Them. Tupperware Party People. With a house that looks like Better Homes and a yard that tacks on And Gardens. You'd think she keeps cute little canapés up her shirtsleeves. She organizes baby showers for the children of deceased friends, because she likes organizing baby showers.

And The Aspie is going to have these people over?? To her house?? For an evening, and a night, and the next morning too?? REALLY?? The girl who managed to overcook fried cabbage tonight by forgetting to turn off the heat while she ran to the toilet, and simultaneously forgot to turn on the rice cooker, thus presenting us with a meal of overcooked cabbage and raw rice??

My husband's response to me stressing out?? "They're ALL coming up here?? Overnight?!? Hell, no." "Well, you said it was OK two weeks ago." "We don't have beds." "Technically, yes we do." "I'm not throwing K out of her bed so company can sleep in it." "We did when your college buddies came over." "Tell them they're not welcome." "Um, I sort of need them to not hate me. At least until Grandma's dead and buried."

THANKS FOR BEING SUPPORTIVE, HONEY!! !!

And, yes, I STILL HAVE FLEAS!! !!

Oh, and-- these people are Grandma's medical and legal power of attorney.

I could probably do the legal. There is no way in Hell that I can live 100 miles away, raise four kids, and be available to make Grandma's medical decisions in the event of her incapacity.

So I kind of need to do a good job, and put on a good show, and be a good hostess. So these people don't hate me like my stepmom's sisters did, and I don't get kicked out of Grandma's life like I got kicked out of my stepmom's life.

I mean, she's 89. With hypoglycemia unawareness and erratic blood pressure and a paralytic ileum. Something is GOING to happen sooner or later. I really don't care if I get a couple of old washtubs, an ugly walnut hall table that's been in the family for three generations blah-blah-blah, and my mother's bedroom suite (it's pretty, but it's a full size, and Hubby and I really do fit better in a queen). I really don't care if I get my half of whatever's left of her estate (I tried to talk her into willing it to them or giving it to the church anyway-- there was another huge hissy fit over THAT). I JUST. DON'T. CARE.

I DO care that I'm able to be there for Grandma until the end of her life. Because, basically, that's what's keeping me from telling my husband to quit his horrible job, bailing on a social climate that I hate, and going back out West where the ticks were terrible and the summers were miserable but at least the people were friendlier and I could send my kids outside to play without being afraid of the neighbors.

....

+7

1 - I only found WP a few weeks ago, but came here on '1' days.to see if it helps. Today my oldest brother 'cc'd me an email to my sister where they were talking about what an "unpleasant" person I am. I like me. Still...

+3

Round about -5

- 1. I thought I was done with this type of pointless anxiety.

-2. It's at times like these, when you're just gripped by the dread of what life is gonna throw at you in the future, that you feel most alone.

......

-2.

-1

-3. Been considering "running away". I know I'm broke as hell but I still want to save money and do it. Go somewhere far from here.

-6. I feel alone sometimes, even though I have better than many. I can't talk about autism/anxiety/depression with my husband without him shying away and cutting me off. It's very hurtful.

+7 Had my psychiatrist increase my Abilify to 10mg. I really like the effect. It mellows me, makes things seem less fast-like for me. It makes me less vigilant and a little drowsy. But seriously, I need to chill out. Its what I want.