scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-3 Dancing around the verge of wanting to contact her again, I can't get her out of my head. I don't want to. I wonder what she thinks of me, and what I should do, and I have to be forced away from her. I am not ready to let go. I am not ready to kill myself. All I can do is try to keep moving, but I all seem capable of right now is boring myself to tears with stupid video games. I am on medication that doesn't seem to work for me. I am so tired. I can't exert much mental effort right now. Everything is so dull, its like I am buzzed to the point of not caring as much. I don't like it. I want to beg for help, but how can anyone help me?

I feel blind and in the dark, like I do not know what to accept. I do not know why I should behave. It hasn't gotten me anywhere. I am just whining here, for selfish reasons, for attention. I want to just sleep the days away. I am not sure how to exist anymore.

-1. Time for new directions, but it's really hard to redirect. I feel some scales have been weighted unfairly. I am a worthwhile person, so f#ck those who don't see it.

-3

-5

My f***ing tooth is starting to hurt a little, but my dentist's appointment isn't until the end of the year. I could try changing it, but I seriously doubt it will happen.

1 is how I feel today. Don't even know why I even bother with all aspects of my life anymore....I'm not happy, then people can't bear to even look at me BUT if I'm actually f***in happy then its not good enough either.

My searing idiot of a mum triggered me worse when, like always, she starts minimizing my problems and how I'm feeling. She thinks I'm just having a bad day, when really I'm sick to the f***in back teeth of my NT partner and want to walk out (been together 9yrs, not that it really means anything anymore though).

-10

I just wish all this stress would go away and I could go back to a time where I was younger.

+5

Starting to feel a little better about everything. My fiancé and I got a rental car last week (a Nissan Altima) and even bought a 2015 Subaru Impreza together, which we will get soon. Plus, I found out a spot opened up at the dentist's office this afternoon, so I will get my teeth checked then.

+2, Metal!, listening to a Dark Funeral vinyl album I bought that I haven't had time to listen to yet, that is certainly the way to listen to black metal.

-4 I always mess up I don't know why i bother living.

-2 sleepless

-7

I wound up calling the office at my old flat. I felt irritable earlier on.

-5. Me and fella argued AGAIN. Felt tearful and down most of the day. Looks like I won't be getting to sleep at a reasonable time either (insomnia). I feel like everybody in my life (apart from my own kids) is a complete idiot, either cannot or refuses to understand me.

-2. Stressful work night on not enough sleep, but could be worse.

getting a bit sleepy, so I got a little ranty, felt off topic but I enjoyed writing, nothing left to talk about though.
+4

just be lords of the fallen too its a good game.

10- I swear I can't say anything right. My over sensitive idiot of a fella picks up on everything I say and uses it against me. I have even considered casting a spell to banish him so he will get the f*** out of my life or shut his stupid abusive mouth (I'm into paganism and astrology incase anyone got confused there).

-10

Bad karma follows me wherever I go. I had to take my fiancé to the ER last night due to a suspected leg clot. It turned out to be a muscle spasm, but I was still worried. His doctor drew blood and had promised to let us know the results about 45 minutes ago, so I am not happy about not knowing anything. And it didn't help that a Pearls Before Swine comic strip I read this morning didn't make me feel any better about my love life.