Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Hey C & R,

Sorry for any unintended hurt I've ever caused (I guess it's little consolation that it's never intended, as the effect is the same). I'm far too socially unaware and ill to interact with people in a social context, really. It's a comedy, really.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Hey you,

Once we talked and you let me know what you meant about the recent stuff, I was fine.
Even the most socially adept people misunderstand each other sometimes, as communication has a degree of ambiguity.

- Me

Oh, and a postscript: in my experience, most 'normal' people wouldn't have apologised for that misunderstanding; their response would have been along the lines of "Don't be stupid. " . Do you're already ahead of them in basic decency.

Dear Horrible b***h of a former friend,

I have not ever lied to you regarding the house that you moved into after I moved out, I told you I had neighbours from hell but evidently you don't seem to think anyone is the neighbour from hell until they are your neighbours.

On your statement that I have no friends and will never get to have a guy or get married because I'm annoying and have an awful high-pitched voice that squeals when I'm excited or upset, first look in the mirror, and second record your own voice and then play it back so you can see how truly terrible you sound, third, I have more friends than you do, in the church, although not so much out of the church because I want to spend time with people who aren't going to think I'm strange for not drinking coffee or tea. If it came to it and we had to ask who was on your side and who was on my side, you'd have loads of non-member friends, but not all of them because some would back me up, but I'd have all the church people.

In regards to your flat rejection of church teachings, you really are stupid. Do you really honestly think everyone thinks you're wonderful? and why do you make everyone look stupid when you say you believe but you don't act like you believe, you do not stay for the whole of church (I think you're only coming to church so you can be the centre of attention and show the baby off) you have been to the temple, maybe once but couldn't go in because you hadn't done the things you were asked to by Heavenly Father so you just went to the temple shop to buy a CTR ring, not because of the meaning of CTR (Choose The Right) but because it was pretty. You have no wish to really attend the temple, meaning that your husband and new son will miss out on the blessings that go with that.

It's bad enough that you accuse me of being a liar but don't stoop so low as to bring my family in to this. You've treated me like crap for nearly 3 years, Saying "You're supposed to be my friend" is meant to be my line, but now you're using it against me. I'm not the liar, you are.

Not only are you a liar, but you're paranoid too - Like I'd actually steal your husband. He's one of my BEST friends. I admit, I used to like him but that was SIX years ago, before any of my friends even knew of your existence, but I guess it doesn't help that his mother wishes he'd married me instead either. I have more integrity than that. I considered him again for about a week when I first came back from my travels, but then (it's a miracle) I actually understood some body language and realised that you liked him, so I left him to it, and besides, why would I steal him from you when I'm in love with my other best friend? not that I'm any closer to figuring out how that will work either, but I do not have feelings for your husband. I have too much self-respect to go after a married man... you on the other-hand got him when he was rebounding out of his first marriage. You remind me a lot of his first wife, maybe he has a thing for women who walk all over him.
The only feeling I have at the moment for your husband is pity, since I'm not allowed to be his friend anymore.

I never wish to speak to you again.
Me

Dear human race,

I don't want any part of you or to be associated with you in any way. Let's see how much better your life is without me.


Me

Dear D, I still love you, it still is with me. I will never forget the feeling of connection with you and how confused it all made me. I am so embarrassed about the way I fell apart. It's been years since I saw you. When I met you I had been married twice, "in love" (I thought) more than a few times, and being around you made me realize I really didn't know what love was. I now understand the "thin line between love and hate", and understand the songs and poems about the real thing. Crazy part is, (me crazy, the situation crazy, the two of us too much alike?) I know you felt the same way, we just were never in sync. When you tried, I was mad, when I tried you were mad.
We will meet up again sometime (God, do I sound like a stalker?), maybe in another life, but it will happen, and hopefully will have a better outcome.
I would so like to run into again, would love to sit and have a beer and just be friends for a few minutes at least. It would help me so much to somehow at least smooth over the rough ending even if we could never make it work. Mostly though, I would love to know if it is/was as real as I think or am I just nuts.

Dear you,

What do I have to do to make you be proud of me ? Really ? I've got a degree, yes its a 2.2 not a 2.1 but hell I worked so hard to get that degree and now it seems like it counts for nothing with you, I'm trying my hardest to get a job, ANY job I'm doing all you say to do - as much as I can remember anyway, which you don't seem to get. But I can only apply to whats out there, and what I'm qualified for - which isn't much, I don't understand how you can think I am using my disabilities as an excuse to not fill in job applications because you think I'm sitting around waiting for my perfect job - I know you don't think I'm as smart as some of the family but I'm not THAT daft, I'm applying for anything and everything. If you bothered to ask my opinion my only problem with job applications is that I put too much time into tailoring them and that I'm a disorganised mess (and trying not to be) so things don't nesc get done when I mean to.

Tbh I think I need a set of flash cards - when I say X - I mean X not Y , sort of thing but I doubt you'd appreciate that.

Love you anyway

Me (your daughter)

Dear Someone

One day I WILL see you.

And I'm still considering having a word with your school, because all this stuff they're making you do in your free time irritates me probabky as much as it does to you, because it means you're too busy to talk to me, and I can worry about you not showing up when you usually do. And it gets worse when you have to do it for over THREE HOURS!! And if you have so much now, I hate to think if you'll have ANY free time when you're a year 10.

Alright, so I was joking about the talking to your school bit. But I am annoyed by it. And like I said, one day I will come to your town just to see what it's like, and to lay my eyes on you. Sorry if I sound like a stalker, but I feel it's something I must do.

Jess

Dear friends and family

im too scared, too proud ,too stupid and too week to ask for help ....
but i really f*****g need it right now ....im scared and depressed and lonely and i dont feel there is anyone left i can trust anymore.

please ...someone ,anyone ,be smart enough to see though my fake smile and help me deal with this s**t!

i love you ,and im sorry

love, R xxxxxxxxx <3

Dear _

for gods sake,just STOP!! !!

I Know your having a hard time , and i know your struggling at the moment but thats no excuse to put other people down the way you do. Everytime i see you all you do is b***h and moan and give me exstesive lists of all our friends shortcommings. How they cant cope witrh this, are no good at that, are too imcomptent to do the other... Do you really think your in a postien to judge other people? Are you really so insucure that the only way you can feel good about yourself is to slag off other people?

I know we arnt as close as we once were, but i love you dearly and would do anything to help you feel better, all you have to is ask.

which is why it hurts even more when i hear all the stuff you say about me.

How you dont think i can cope , ( I CAN - Ive "coped" with more than you or anyone else will EVER know!! ) how you dont think im cappable of even the simplist task ,and shoudnt be living on my own how you dont even want me at your sons brithday, cos you'll think i will spoil the day

I helped you so darm much with him , espially when he was small ,why wouldnt you want me there?

And if you got issue say it to my face , dont go bitching behing my back to other people like a bloody 12 year old!

ive done so much for you, helped you with you son, comforted you when ex's have hurt or broken up with you ,suppoted you the best i can though your periods of depession when no-one else would ,defended you againest anyone who ever put you down - and i WANTED to , im glad to help , i ask nothing in return ,expet for a little honesty -is that too much???

please, mate sort it out!! !!

I do love you though , dispite everything dont forget that .I wish things between us could go back to how they were ,i miss having a real best friend

txt me when/if you need me

rox <3

I'm sorry for everything I've said. I know it doesn't sound sincere, but I've never been able to sound sincere before in my life. I wish I can show you that I care about you - if only I knew how. I wish I knew how to make your illness go away, but I'm not a doctor. I wish a million times that this had never happened, that I had been a good child, that I have sincerely been able to care about people. I wish there was a way out (or should I say "in").

You had every reason to lose faith in me. I wish I can take it all back. I wish I can pay for this with my life a million times over if I could.

....

Dear mind

I just want you to know that I love you, and even though you aren't always the easiest force to motivate, if we work as a team we can overcome any obstacle, and we can forge our own good future.

What do you say mind? Listen to me, take my directions, and we will live a good life together. x

Dear B,
How can u say u want more when u don't even seem happy with what u have now? I should be so pissed at ur lack of enthusiam. I
did something I shouldn't have and u don't even appricate it!
Danielle

......

Dear You,

Do you recall the stories of me as a baby? Nobody could calm me down but you. Your method was to stop everything, empty your mind and body of emotion and thought and just be.

When I am upset now, can you do that still?

When you are upset, I will too.

With Much Love,
Me