scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Was about a +8 earlier this afternoon, about a +5 atm. Good mood after morning sex.

5

I don't know what number I am currently at but I am going thru probably my worst bout of depression I've ever had, I'm going into the clinic tomorrow so maybe they will help I don't know. I've been so up and down lately, I don't feel like I have control over it anymore and I'm just wallowing. -10 I guess I dunno

I'm in my head 24/7

Probably a 1 with the progress I am continuing, highest I've been for many years which is nice, can't see it going above that for a while but it's better than being permanently hovering in the minus minefield.

well, i still have a goddamned bucket of syrup in the back of my throat, but i got my drivers license yesterday, experienced tongue kissing, turned 19 (groan) and i think i may have gotten a job offer.

interesting week.

6.

Congrats on the Driver's License!

Don't tell me you think you're getting OLD LOL

-5, probably headed down.

Listening to the same old tape of insults in my head.

If I'm careful about my interactions, then I'm withdrawn and about as much fun as a bowl of cold oatmeal.

If I'm not extremely careful, then I'm disrespectful and offensive.

If I make sure to put out, then nobody likes obligation sex.

If I don't, then I'm cold and selfish and not meeting Teir 1 needs.

If I tell the truth, then I'm broken and bad.

If I tell them what they want to hear, then I'm lying and I'm bad.

No matter what I do, it doesn't matter what I do. I'm bad.

Dying sounds good. I'm tired.

-1 right now. Which is darn good to be me lately.

+2.

I still hate me, myself, and the consequences of this goddamn disease. Yeah, it COULD be something other than a curse...

...and that just makes me madder, because it is what my society chooses to make it, and the people closest to me have made their choice painfully clear.

But I don't have a lot of housework, and there's some chips and salsa hanging around, and sour cream in the fridge, and I have two or three days alone with my Littles who I don't have to pretend anything for.

And right now my dominant thoughts are about pole beans, impatiens, and where I might be able to grow some hollyhocks, because they're really pretty and the mallow family is useful.

And then there's Apiaceae. Carrots are useful. Parsley is useful. Celery is useful. Dill is useful.

Of course, I note that Conium maculatum and the Cicuta genus are dead useful too...

I wonder if they count as native wild flowers.

-11

-6

I have 5 kids under the age of 10 in my house right now. Two of them have ADHD and major issues with volume control, and one is a little femme girl who shrieks every time she doesn't get her way. None of them even hear what I'm saying when I speak. I am having issues with noise sensitivity that Klonopin isn't even touching.

I am having major issues with frustration, rage, and feeling like it should be OK for me to say that I don't want to be sweet, sexy, and submissive. I know that feminism is Satanic, but I feel very much like I want to be liberated and empowered.

I think I'm going to stack a couple of beers on top of the Klonopin. Get a nice multiplier effect going. Oooommmm...

+2.

I love beer.

I'm also +2

-8