Rants

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Sigh. Not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair..


Childish? I don't think so really. All I want is a piece of contentment. All I want is a measure of peace. Why is it so elusive?

Life seems to be passing me by too fast.......... time is just, my worst enemy.

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The Canadian Football League - What We're Made Of

Feel free to talk to me, if you wish.

Every day is a gift- cherish it!

"A true, true friend helps a friend in need."

Today is one of those days when I ask myself if I'm lonely and then realize that I am not entirely sure what loneliness feels like.
Today is one of those days when I remember that I am more lonesome for the people I knew than lonely for people in general.
Today is one of those days when I shed tears thinking of all of the friendships, all of the wonderful, supportive, amazing friendships, that I've ruined with my awkwardness and clingliness.
Today is one of those days when I deeply consider posting one of those "What do you think of WerewolfPoet?" threads just to be assured that my presence isn't some ever-worsening blister upon the face of the Earth...or, if it is, that I finally know for sure so that I can shut up and stop being such an annoyance to everyone I come in contact with.
Today is one of those days when I deeply consider posting a thread that simply says, "Hug me--I'm sad."
Today is one of those days when I resort to posting in the Rants thread, half-hoping that somebody sees this and half-hoping that it stays buried beneath the pile of other posts, least I disturb anyone.
Today is one of those days when I desperately wish that I wasn't so afraid to say "Hug me--I'm sad" to someone, anyone, though the echos of yesterday, of "You're so overemotional!" and "Why you do always post/say such depressing stuff?" silence me into passive positivity.

Today is one of those days.

*massive hugs for werewolf*

I'm not the ghost of Christmas past. That feels quite f***ing dismissive. Rant over.

I'm fat
I'm ugly
I'm passive
I wish I was more assertive enough to talk to my friends when we go bowling. But I can never bring myself to do it because of my lack of social skills. I don't even know how they even put up with me; sometimes, I think they're better off without me.

My brother is right; I'm going to die alone.

I should probably give up on political debates online. It seems like the old saying applies: bad money drives out good.

Back in the day when states didn't claim a monopoly on money, various institutions issued currency, and money was actually made of precious metals, the value of money depended on the value of the metals in the actual piece of money. However, if you could trust a particular type of money to have a consistent purity, then that money had a higher value than money which did not have a consistent purity.

It's like the lemons problem: when you buy a used car, you won't pay the full value of a car that age because it may be a lemon. Instead, you'll pay the value of a good car times the probability that such a car will be good. Google Lemons Problem if my explanation doesn't suffice.

Back to the subject of bad money driving out good. Naturally, people wanted to save some money for contingencies, so they would want to save the best quality money on the premise that having built up a high level of trust it would retain its value. The less-trustworthy money would get spent. Hence, the money that changed hands most often, the money that was actually present in the marketplace, was the less-trustworthy money. Bad money drives out good.

Now, finally, back to the subject of political debates online. People talk a lot of smack, especially when they don't care about the average quality of their comments. If they don't care about honesty or engaging the subject, then they can really go all out. Comments in bad faith drive out good.

ETA: I find it hard to stop, though. Dagnabbit.

My dad called a couple days ago with some not-so-surprising news. He's taking two of my siblings for Christmas but not my brother (that is autistic). My brother is twelve and wants to know why his dad doesn't want to see him on Christmas. What kind of a man lets a kid down like this? It's clear my brother is sad about it and it kills me to wonder what he must be thinking. I don't even care that my dad forgot about me, but I can't stand seeing him do this to one of the only people in this world that I love. I'm embarrassed to say I'm related to this guy they call my dad. It's been over a year since we've even spoken and if i ever hear from him again it'll be too soon.

It's three days before Christmas and earlier today my dog died. Life's a drag...

^^^Sorry about your dog.

I forgot that "don't bring anything" means "totally ignore what I say and bring stuff anyway." At least I have time to scramble, but my family should know better by now.

I'm on the verge of wanting to commit suicide... I'm in "the happiest place on earth", and just feel like killing myself...

I have been miserable and sick for WEEKS on end, and it just seems that my parents don't give a s***! They never take me seriously, even when I know that something's very wrong with me... My mother and father are just really starting to irritate me, and it's driving me CRAZY! My mother also completely BLEW-OFF the appointment to get my results back from all that testing, something that I had been waiting FOUR DAMN WEEKS ON, and it just gets pushed aside...

My sister also got her picture taken with Belle, which was just an awful reminder of how prettier and more special she is than me... And I feel like a spoiled, selfish brat for typing that, but it's damn true! I HATE MYSELF! Everything about me just doesn't make me happy or satisfy... I'd rather just have someone pull the trigger on me to end it.

Angry
Withdrawn
Dismissive
Questioning

Insecure.

The constant cycle in the back of my mind. The only thing I can rest securely on is the fact I'm going to probably do something wrong, say the wrong words, or do something to unintentionally miff someone. I might as well do it now to clear the air, and get it over with. Or in a nifty reversal, desperately cling to any iota of acceptance.

On a last note, I really wish this kid would go to sleep.

I love my acquaintances/friends, I truly do. They have put up with me for over 2 years and I was a PITA at the beginning while I am somewhat decent at talking right now.

However things like this freak me out.

They had two parties I wasnt invited to on the basis that I have family here, so did some of the people invited... but that was a nice break I figured.

They just called me up from the second party and I wanted to murder them. Apparently they had began talking about my hobby and one person was interested on learning more so they just needed to call me up to set a meeting with this person.

Said person is offering to pay for my time and all but can you be a little more sensitive and bring it up some other time/give me her number/whatever rather than call me in the middle of said party, wish me a happy holidays, confirm that we are meeting later on, and tell me that this person just needs my help?

I envy the religious for the comfort and sureity it grants. I relish ownership of myself more, though.