scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Basically right now I have very little hope that my mental state will ever improve, or that I am the decent and lovable person he says I am when not in the grip of crippling anxiety and all that goes with it.

So far attempts to medically treat the anxiety have mostly served to suck the pleasure out of my life, without reducing the anxiety. Less hope. Hope is at its lowest ebb ever, with the exception of the year I spent slowly dying on Risperdal. It's getting close to those levels.

I have just enough hope left for the lack of hope to be very painful and very anger-provoking as I know that better is out there but isn't accessible for me.

It might be better to just give up. Life without hope of feeling better, expectation of help, or memory of pleasure just might be better than this hell.

Either that, or have some hope.

Not the kind that comes from inspirational quotes and reframing and making yourself pick yourself up and smile and act hopefully. Because I'm doing all that stuff, and well here I am.

The kind that comes from seeing things actually improve. Just a little bit. Just having a direction to go in that makes some small, incremental improvement.

Here's a tip dude.Work on yourself first then go for love and compassion, forcing it is never a good thing. But can I at least ask this and you don't have to do it if you think it's pointless. I think a positive post a day for you or something good that isn't involving something you're forcing like love and compassion and in real life think of something positive. I know it sounds hard but if you have the desire for love and compassion but not force it. Don't be so negative, people NT or not like forms of confidence as long as it's not narcissism. Also forcing love and compassion has no meaning if you're forcing it. From the sounds of it, is driving you into a crazy depression. Try not to force love and compassion so much and let it come to you. Plus being positive more in real life can bring better rewards for you. Just saying.

I don't understand what you mean by force love. I'm not forcing anything. I just want to date and give love a chance to happen.

Last edited by sly279 on 14 Jul 2016, 1:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wish there were people who were positive to me, liked me for whol I am and thinks there's nothing wrong with me. Instead I'm always told to change,get better(means I not good as is)

I was having a good ish day until I got on here. Despite my neck being super painful all day.
-4

Men are valued for their achievements. I don't think we can change it.

-6.5 Fed up with my therapist. So upset with her I actually thought about killing myself while I was in her office, but I didn't tell her that because I didn't want to go to the hospital. I am safe though.

+1 trying to be human

Anxiety is out of control.

I'm going off the rails.

Please pray for me. Please pray I don't miss something in this state that allows a child to get hurt. Please pray I don't go out in public or say something to someone that brings the wrath of the system down on us.

You have to be positive to yourself before anyone else can be positive to you. There probably are people who love/like you for who you are, but you might not see that. But maybe they might have a point of changing, I think just maybe try not to be so extremely negative all the time. But if people are telling you to change, it could be aimed at the extreme negativity vibe you might be giving away.

+2

A 7 I would say currently
a
2 Early in the morning

Glad to hear your fine M8

Okay, what I mean by "forcing love" is that you seem to want something that should happen naturally. I know you want to date and give love a chance(Who wouldn't want to?) I think the best quote I know is from RuPaul's Drag Race.



I just think you need to stop throwing excuses all the time and try to get help and help you navigate whatever happened. Cause I somewhat suspect something happened in your past. And looking at a bit of your posts, I kinda suspect PTSD. No offense.

...

Last edited by sly279 on 14 Jul 2016, 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whether you know it or not, I would say it's likely that you are better than you think you are.