dcj123 wrote:
I am not going lie I have in the last few weeks questioned if it would be less sinful to just kill myself vs living a life of sin. Seems to me that the lesser the number the better.
there is no such thing as an action without consequence. even the most well of intending gestures will be followed with undesired consequential repercussions. the best anyone can do, is to make decisions based upon choosing the lesser of undesired consequence from what they know in the moment. that is the fatal flaw in many's philosophy... trying to find pure benevolence of action in which there is none, has never been, never will be and is left at best an impossible errand of pursuit in a world that knows nothing of such innocent human sentiments. to bear and dwell upon such perpetually self condemning sentiments is to counter productively clad your own heart in glowing irons... we cannot know to do right, until we've learned to be wary of what can happen when we do wrong through having previously observed wrong. learn from the mistakes of your past, and use that knowledge to refine your spirit and actions in the present... reflection upon pains resonating from the past can serve no constructive purpose beyond that.
you are gifted in areas of electronics and computers in which you could certainly make contributions to the world through your displayed ingenuity. heck, you could probably come up with awesome toys to lift the spirits of tired hearts if you're not interested in engineering revolutionary inventions. you've posted video on lasers, shown pictures of your programming, flying drone, and other inventions... why have you no legion of charmingly witty droid minions?
your past too, certainly appears beyond hellish, however, it means you can touch deeply the hearts of those that fall hard in their suffering through the intimacy of having experienced such extreme hardships of your own. all the good advice in the world is meaningless if few will listen even to the best of it if they feel you've never set foot anywhere near their foot path.
when you are on your hands and knees prostrate from despair, the answers may be found there with clarity in such a state which you could not find if your head was carelessly veiled in the clouds. with sincerity, my hope is that you will find at least some peaceful comfort being amongst the living, and much sooner than later.
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