EF - Son of Ghost
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6DsRRCaitY[/youtube]
"It's so loud these days, try to remain calm - (All those fading whys.)
Letters that I wrote, words that you forgot (Pearls in shades of grey.)
I keep fighting time, keep on walking by (All those fading whys.)"
EF - Swedish musical act (emotional, progressive indie rock meets modern instrumental rock.) This song marks a fundamental part of my ongoing period in life.
It has done me much good, though I know it will not fit all of you. Nevertheless, I'm sure most of you will agree on the loudness of the modern age. Both figuretively, and literally speaking.
You know, I'm not sure how many of you will read this, or even listen to the song. I'm very rigid when it comes to songs that I've never heard before, don't know what it is - or if it will only make me feel worse, because the song might, in my humble opinion, suck. And so forth. Bla bla. The thing is.. I've felt a sensation of losing hope in mankind, it's the first time I encounter such a scepticism inside my inner world. But, I do know that with the media being very up-to-date these days, everything moves faster - and I might be surpressing stress, which generates anxiety - and most of us knows the result of an almost "invisible" anxiety approaching our sanctuary, our minds. Suppressing such reactions (= stress) is very unhealthy. I hope it's only me being too worried. I can't stand my own species. And the thing that really bothers me, is the fact that I come of as rigid and stubborn - YET (!), I have such great capacity in understanding that we're all very different, in colour, religion, sexuality, economical situation and so forth. And it freaks me out, for **** sake. It freaks me out to know that I can't, by any means, convenience the entire human race to call it a truce for just a couple of seconds. Just put down the guns, stop hating, stop fighting - stop harassing each other. In spite of our cultural differences and our different personalities, it's rather obviouos that the very foundation of each of our beliefs, sexuality, needs and wants, likes and dislikes and such matters come from the same source. Although, I will never - never ever - give up on mankind. But it's so very painful to see what we're doing to ourselves, to others, to our planet - OUR HOME. I might just be rigid after all, because I will never be able to understand the reckless violence we pursuit.
We need a break. We need to rest.
As much as I always feel like I'm not in the "real" world, I'm very much (almost too much) in the real word - and it hurts. Every day.
I have this dream of meeting our makers, celestial bodies smashing into the crust of the earth. In all sincerity, my fellow beings - I believe that knowing how the world ends, knowing that we cannot prevent it from happening, knowing we don't stand a chance against the vastness of our carrier (= our universe) - well, it may sound disturbing, but it brings me peace, a breath of calmness. And even though the breath itself may only be a fraction of what a fraction of calmness would be like, it helps me through the day. Along with the love of my life, the music, and my mother and two older brothers, and a cat named Ceasar - this life is still bearable.
While this text may be confusing to some, others will hear me without actually hearing me. To conclude the meaning of all, the meaning of my text, the everlasting wish channeling its energy deep down in my beings most sacred place - I could sum it up in one single word: Unity.
Also, concerning the dream: I do not mean to say that I know that how the world will end, or when, or under which circumstances - I have no clue whatsoever. I simply state the belief of how I will react knowing that end is in collision course with our home. It may sound weird, I know.. But I would be so very happy to have my existence erased under astronomical circumstances. But, NOTE THIS - I would not like if it wouldn't only damage us so much that it becomes a race for survival. It just seems so beautiful if all parts of the whole planet would come to an end, almost simultaneously. Although I would no long be able to reflect, or feel relief - it's but a wish. Until that day comes: I will take nothing for granted.
I'm certain many of you who loves calm beauty in music will appreciate this piece:
Ólafur Arnalds - Ljósið
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYIfiQlfaas[/youtube]
Please forgive the many linguistic flaws of my post. I am very, very, very tired.
02 Dec 2010, 6:49 am
