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25 May 2018, 11:20 am
AnonymousAnonymous
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Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,515
Location: Portland, Oregon
25 May 2018, 2:58 pm
25 May 2018, 6:16 pm
26 May 2018, 3:15 pm
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,515
Location: Portland, Oregon
26 May 2018, 5:21 pm
01 Jun 2018, 3:49 am
dragonsanddemons
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Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
01 Jun 2018, 2:44 pm
01 Jun 2018, 5:37 pm
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-10. Realizing I may well never be able to live on my own even if work/money weren't an issue, largely because of my depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Wondering what will happen to me if that ends up being the case. I poked around for assisted living options, but the vast majority of those are either for the elderly or for people who need far more assistance in everyday life than I do (like, help bathing themselves, getting dressed, etc.). If I mention the possibility of not ever being able to live on my own, my dad at least will be extraordinarily upset with me - I am so not looking forward to that. My parents don't want to be taking care of me forever, and I don't want to be dependent on them forever. I also really don't want to end up in a group home or something, but really, what are my choices? Absolutely nothing at all has helped with the self-harm - trying other coping skills, medication, hospitalization, ECT... and still if I was left alone with a knife and a guarantee of not being caught, I'd be using it on myself and probably end up killing myself, even if only accidentally. And to be perfectly honest, for quite some time now, I've only been continuing to live because of the effect it would have on my parents if I took my own life, and wishing I'd just die of something else already.
Big fox hugs. So you’d need to live somewhere where all knives are locked up ?
I think about killing myself but I’m not at any risk of doing it currently
AnonymousAnonymous
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Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,515
Location: Portland, Oregon
01 Jun 2018, 5:52 pm
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
01 Jun 2018, 6:07 pm
sly279 wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-10. Realizing I may well never be able to live on my own even if work/money weren't an issue, largely because of my depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Wondering what will happen to me if that ends up being the case. I poked around for assisted living options, but the vast majority of those are either for the elderly or for people who need far more assistance in everyday life than I do (like, help bathing themselves, getting dressed, etc.). If I mention the possibility of not ever being able to live on my own, my dad at least will be extraordinarily upset with me - I am so not looking forward to that. My parents don't want to be taking care of me forever, and I don't want to be dependent on them forever. I also really don't want to end up in a group home or something, but really, what are my choices? Absolutely nothing at all has helped with the self-harm - trying other coping skills, medication, hospitalization, ECT... and still if I was left alone with a knife and a guarantee of not being caught, I'd be using it on myself and probably end up killing myself, even if only accidentally. And to be perfectly honest, for quite some time now, I've only been continuing to live because of the effect it would have on my parents if I took my own life, and wishing I'd just die of something else already.
Big fox hugs. So you’d need to live somewhere where all knives are locked up ?
I think about killing myself but I’m not at any risk of doing it currently
Or where other people are present enough of the time that I'd be afraid enough of them seeing me hurting myself or noticing that I had a blade somewhere that didn't make sense unless that's what I was doing with it. I'm not really at risk of intentionally killing myself, at least so long as my parents are alive and clearly care about me, but I've been using pins to make myself bleed, the kind they stick in some shirts at the store before you buy them, and I've clearly hit an artery a couple times by sticking those into myself. Both times the wound stopped bleeding within a few seconds, but if I did that with a knife, at best I'd be headed to the hospital for stitches. And what really scares me about it is the fact that the gush of blood when I hit an artery didn't scare me, I just wanted to do it again once I knew it was going to stop bleeding so quickly.
01 Jun 2018, 6:19 pm
dragonsanddemons wrote:
sly279 wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-10. Realizing I may well never be able to live on my own even if work/money weren't an issue, largely because of my depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Wondering what will happen to me if that ends up being the case. I poked around for assisted living options, but the vast majority of those are either for the elderly or for people who need far more assistance in everyday life than I do (like, help bathing themselves, getting dressed, etc.). If I mention the possibility of not ever being able to live on my own, my dad at least will be extraordinarily upset with me - I am so not looking forward to that. My parents don't want to be taking care of me forever, and I don't want to be dependent on them forever. I also really don't want to end up in a group home or something, but really, what are my choices? Absolutely nothing at all has helped with the self-harm - trying other coping skills, medication, hospitalization, ECT... and still if I was left alone with a knife and a guarantee of not being caught, I'd be using it on myself and probably end up killing myself, even if only accidentally. And to be perfectly honest, for quite some time now, I've only been continuing to live because of the effect it would have on my parents if I took my own life, and wishing I'd just die of something else already.
Big fox hugs. So you’d need to live somewhere where all knives are locked up ?
I think about killing myself but I’m not at any risk of doing it currently
Or where other people are present enough of the time that I'd be afraid enough of them seeing me hurting myself or noticing that I had a blade somewhere that didn't make sense unless that's what I was doing with it. I'm not really at risk of intentionally killing myself, at least so long as my parents are alive and clearly care about me, but I've been using pins to make myself bleed, the kind they stick in some shirts at the store before you buy them, and I've clearly hit an artery a couple times by sticking those into myself. Both times the wound stopped bleeding within a few seconds, but if I did that with a knife, at best I'd be headed to the hospital for stitches. And what really scares me about it is the fact that the gush of blood when I hit an artery didn't scare me, I just wanted to do it again once I knew it was going to stop bleeding so quickly.
That makes me sad to hear.
Maybe you’ll find a bf who’ll care about and love you so you won’t feel like doing it anymore.
Guys exist who’ll date suicidial women.
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
01 Jun 2018, 6:40 pm
sly279 wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
sly279 wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
-10. Realizing I may well never be able to live on my own even if work/money weren't an issue, largely because of my depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Wondering what will happen to me if that ends up being the case. I poked around for assisted living options, but the vast majority of those are either for the elderly or for people who need far more assistance in everyday life than I do (like, help bathing themselves, getting dressed, etc.). If I mention the possibility of not ever being able to live on my own, my dad at least will be extraordinarily upset with me - I am so not looking forward to that. My parents don't want to be taking care of me forever, and I don't want to be dependent on them forever. I also really don't want to end up in a group home or something, but really, what are my choices? Absolutely nothing at all has helped with the self-harm - trying other coping skills, medication, hospitalization, ECT... and still if I was left alone with a knife and a guarantee of not being caught, I'd be using it on myself and probably end up killing myself, even if only accidentally. And to be perfectly honest, for quite some time now, I've only been continuing to live because of the effect it would have on my parents if I took my own life, and wishing I'd just die of something else already.
Big fox hugs. So you’d need to live somewhere where all knives are locked up ?
I think about killing myself but I’m not at any risk of doing it currently
Or where other people are present enough of the time that I'd be afraid enough of them seeing me hurting myself or noticing that I had a blade somewhere that didn't make sense unless that's what I was doing with it. I'm not really at risk of intentionally killing myself, at least so long as my parents are alive and clearly care about me, but I've been using pins to make myself bleed, the kind they stick in some shirts at the store before you buy them, and I've clearly hit an artery a couple times by sticking those into myself. Both times the wound stopped bleeding within a few seconds, but if I did that with a knife, at best I'd be headed to the hospital for stitches. And what really scares me about it is the fact that the gush of blood when I hit an artery didn't scare me, I just wanted to do it again once I knew it was going to stop bleeding so quickly.
That makes me sad to hear.
Maybe you’ll find a bf who’ll care about and love you so you won’t feel like doing it anymore.
Guys exist who’ll date suicidial women.
I guess you're right. Having a romantic relationship hasn't been a primary goal for me - I actually think I'd be perfectly fine never having one, but if it happens, that's also fine - but that would solve this issue - if I had a serious romantic relationship, I'd probably have someone around most/all of the time who did want to spend his/her life with me and didn't want me to hurt myself. Maybe living with someone who clearly cared about me so deeply that it felt like I was hurting them when I was hurting myself would get me to stop.
01 Jun 2018, 7:15 pm
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,515
Location: Portland, Oregon
01 Jun 2018, 9:21 pm
03 Jun 2018, 8:57 am
03 Jun 2018, 10:56 am
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