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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Marknis
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30 Aug 2018, 11:53 am

ltcvnzl wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Why is everyone ignoring me? :(


I'm sorry. I didn't meant to ignore you. I kind of understand this feeling of having artistic aspirations crushed by education.


The bad grade dealt a crippling wound to my self-esteem but I also feel that the anti-intellectualism I was dealt with in my developmental and teen years stunted me so those things had a hand in ruining me.



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30 Aug 2018, 1:04 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
-7

I have a sinus infection that's making me feel poorly physically (I have practically perpetual sinus issues from about August through April or so and am quite prone to sinus infections - it's really obnoxious, and I worry about the amount of antibiotics I end up taking over those months for said infections, about it leading to antibiotic-resistant bacteria and stuff). Also, looking at all the things I'd need to do/be able to do in order to live on my own (particularly transportation, as I don't know that I'll ever be in a position where I should be driving due to slow reflexes and attention problems (for example, if a bird flies across the road, my eyes will instinctively follow it instead of staying on the road, and there's nothing I can do about it (motion of any kind instantly grabs my attention - I joke that I have T-rex vision)), and the bus system around here is not set up very well or conveniently, because we're in a suburban area where it's expected that almost everyone drives) makes me go back to wondering if it's ever going to happen - and if indeed it is, it won't be any time soon, after all :( Plus I feel bad about giving in and self-harming last night, but at the same time, I want to do it again.


Fox hugs.
Most people will follow the bird with their eyes for bit then back to the road, they just won’t follow with the car. It’s normal human behavior when something darts out from nowhere.
Here we have a pretty good bus system but still expected everyone drives.



ltcvnzl
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30 Aug 2018, 1:14 pm

3

I finally got accept into something at the university – I'll be teaching assistant to the Introduction to Introduction to Architectural History and Theory class, I was so happy about it. Now, it was the day for my first task – I must plan a tour for the students to see our eclectic architecture, and arrange visiting inside some builds and I feel unable to do it. I already booked three places but I'm afraid one of them isn't properly eclectic, I'm afraid the professor will think I'm dumb and regret having chosen me.



Sahn
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30 Aug 2018, 3:38 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:
3

I finally got accept into something at the university – I'll be teaching assistant to the Introduction to Introduction to Architectural History and Theory class, I was so happy about it. Now, it was the day for my first task – I must plan a tour for the students to see our eclectic architecture, and arrange visiting inside some builds and I feel unable to do it. I already booked three places but I'm afraid one of them isn't properly eclectic, I'm afraid the professor will think I'm dumb and regret having chosen me.

Congratulations, that sounds like it could be a lot of fun.



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30 Aug 2018, 6:32 pm

-392828 i'm the biggest f*****g loser on the face of




hoW DO O STOP BEONG SAD



I CANT

STOP


FEWLING

LIKE


s**t


THERES NO ESCAPE


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לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.


cathylynn
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30 Aug 2018, 6:47 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
-392828 i'm the biggest f*****g loser on the face of




hoW DO O STOP BEONG SAD



I CANT

STOP


FEWLING

LIKE


s**t


THERES NO ESCAPE


i like your big number. it's creative like you.



Kiprobalhato
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30 Aug 2018, 7:25 pm

cathylynn wrote:
Kiprobalhato wrote:
-392828 i'm the biggest f*****g loser on the face of




hoW DO O STOP BEONG SAD



I CANT

STOP


FEWLING

LIKE


s**t


THERES NO ESCAPE


i like your big number. it's creative like you.


i'm glad you think i'm creative.


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הכי, הכי עמוקים
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וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.


ltcvnzl
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30 Aug 2018, 10:27 pm

domineekee wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
3

I finally got accept into something at the university – I'll be teaching assistant to the Introduction to Introduction to Architectural History and Theory class, I was so happy about it. Now, it was the day for my first task – I must plan a tour for the students to see our eclectic architecture, and arrange visiting inside some builds and I feel unable to do it. I already booked three places but I'm afraid one of them isn't properly eclectic, I'm afraid the professor will think I'm dumb and regret having chosen me.

Congratulations, that sounds like it could be a lot of fun.


it should be and it's great because I wanted to pursue an academic career, this counts on being accepted on a master's degree... but at the same time, I feel I'm not good enough and I can't just relax. I went to many places today and talked with many people... from the answer of the professor it sounds like I did too much, not sure if it's bad or not?

It's a thing I like and wanted to do, I have no idea why I feel so insecure.



cathylynn
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30 Aug 2018, 11:04 pm

ltcvnzl wrote:
domineekee wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
3

I finally got accept into something at the university – I'll be teaching assistant to the Introduction to Introduction to Architectural History and Theory class, I was so happy about it. Now, it was the day for my first task – I must plan a tour for the students to see our eclectic architecture, and arrange visiting inside some builds and I feel unable to do it. I already booked three places but I'm afraid one of them isn't properly eclectic, I'm afraid the professor will think I'm dumb and regret having chosen me.

Congratulations, that sounds like it could be a lot of fun.


it should be and it's great because I wanted to pursue an academic career, this counts on being accepted on a master's degree... but at the same time, I feel I'm not good enough and I can't just relax. I went to many places today and talked with many people... from the answer of the professor it sounds like I did too much, not sure if it's bad or not?

It's a thing I like and wanted to do, I have no idea why I feel so insecure.


too much is better than too little. now you know better what to do next time.



kazanscube
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31 Aug 2018, 5:51 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
-392828 i'm the biggest f*****g loser on the face of




hoW DO O STOP BEONG SAD



I CANT

STOP


FEWLING

LIKE


s**t


THERES NO ESCAPE


Your still human Kipro, really I may not have the artistic abilities you have, I have something that is somewhat pertinent, that being sense of unorthodox thinking style


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dragonsanddemons
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01 Sep 2018, 9:03 am

-9.5

Apparently when you gain the label of "addict," even when you fully admit it yourself right from the start, honesty doesn't mean a gosh-darn thing - no matter how honest you have been and continue to be about it, you still also take on the label of "liar." I've fully admitted from the very moment I knew it was possible that my self-harm is an addiction, but only now are other people accepting that yes, it really is... so now my therapist thinks I'm going to lie to him about it, even though I'm completely open and honest every single time he asks about it, and my parents feel the need to search my room on a regular basis. I'm so, so upset now about suddenly being completely mistrusted due entirely to a simple label, and having my room searched is an invasion of privacy. I'm even more eager to move out now so I can have my privacy back and not constantly be around people who think I'm untrustworthy for no good reason, but I know this is only going to push it off even more (if it is indeed going to happen at all) because my parents won't trust me to be safe on my own.


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-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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01 Sep 2018, 9:16 am

^^This saddens me greatly. People need to trust. Mistrust can have the adverse reaction in the end, a therapist should know this. And it is pretty naive what they are doing because you could have 10 minutes alone in a bathroom and find so many things to harm yourself with. If you want, nothing can stop you, or do they want to put you on a leash. Positive support is the way to deal with this, not negative. I would recommend talking with your parents and finding a different therapist. You should feel safe at home and have a place you feel comfortable, having your privacy invaded, makes it more prone for you to self-harm. This is making it worse. Are they being ignorant?


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dragonsanddemons
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01 Sep 2018, 10:46 am

LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
^^This saddens me greatly. People need to trust. Mistrust can have the adverse reaction in the end, a therapist should know this. And it is pretty naive what they are doing because you could have 10 minutes alone in a bathroom and find so many things to harm yourself with. If you want, nothing can stop you, or do they want to put you on a leash. Positive support is the way to deal with this, not negative. I would recommend talking with your parents and finding a different therapist. You should feel safe at home and have a place you feel comfortable, having your privacy invaded, makes it more prone for you to self-harm. This is making it worse. Are they being ignorant?


Exactly. I know they're just concerned for my safety, but really, nothing's changed at all besides slapping the label of "addict" on me. They all know I've been doing this for years, and that if asked, I've always been perfectly candid about it, so I don't understand why I should be seen as any less trustworthy than I was two days ago. And yeah, if I really want to hurt myself, I'll find a way, and I'm afraid that if what I've been using (pins, like they stick in shirts before you buy them at the store) is taken away, I'll resort to something much less safe, and if I have to wait until I'm desperate, I'm more likely to go overboard. I said this to my therapist, and he still wanted me to get rid of what I have. I think what they're acting on is their own concern and the fact that addicts will often try to hide their addictive behavior, viewing me as "an addict" rather than "dragonsanddemons."


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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


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01 Sep 2018, 11:19 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Exactly. I know they're just concerned for my safety, but really, nothing's changed at all besides slapping the label of "addict" on me. They all know I've been doing this for years, and that if asked, I've always been perfectly candid about it, so I don't understand why I should be seen as any less trustworthy than I was two days ago. And yeah, if I really want to hurt myself, I'll find a way, and I'm afraid that if what I've been using (pins, like they stick in shirts before you buy them at the store) is taken away, I'll resort to something much less safe, and if I have to wait until I'm desperate, I'm more likely to go overboard. I said this to my therapist, and he still wanted me to get rid of what I have. I think what they're acting on is their own concern and the fact that addicts will often try to hide their addictive behavior, viewing me as "an addict" rather than "dragonsanddemons."

Most bad therapist follow a handbook, a step by step guideline for a label. When someone is different from the "norm", this can cause serious problems. A therapist should adapt, but some are just lazy and bad at what they do. Just ask people here, and a lot of people will have experience with therapists who have no experience with ASD or follow a set of rules for a certain diagnosis, which just doesn't work for a lot of people.

I truly hope you can find a good solution for this and this doesn't go awfully wrong. Good luck!


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01 Sep 2018, 11:30 am

ltcvnzl wrote:
domineekee wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
3

I finally got accept into something at the university – I'll be teaching assistant to the Introduction to Introduction to Architectural History and Theory class, I was so happy about it. Now, it was the day for my first task – I must plan a tour for the students to see our eclectic architecture, and arrange visiting inside some builds and I feel unable to do it. I already booked three places but I'm afraid one of them isn't properly eclectic, I'm afraid the professor will think I'm dumb and regret having chosen me.

Congratulations, that sounds like it could be a lot of fun.


it should be and it's great because I wanted to pursue an academic career, this counts on being accepted on a master's degree... but at the same time, I feel I'm not good enough and I can't just relax. I went to many places today and talked with many people... from the answer of the professor it sounds like I did too much, not sure if it's bad or not?

It's a thing I like and wanted to do, I have no idea why I feel so insecure.


Going outside your comfort zone is difficult. You are taking a risk. In my experience, I feel humans can fear both success & failure. Keeping with the status quo is easy.



dragonsanddemons
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01 Sep 2018, 11:38 am

LoneLoyalWolf wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
Exactly. I know they're just concerned for my safety, but really, nothing's changed at all besides slapping the label of "addict" on me. They all know I've been doing this for years, and that if asked, I've always been perfectly candid about it, so I don't understand why I should be seen as any less trustworthy than I was two days ago. And yeah, if I really want to hurt myself, I'll find a way, and I'm afraid that if what I've been using (pins, like they stick in shirts before you buy them at the store) is taken away, I'll resort to something much less safe, and if I have to wait until I'm desperate, I'm more likely to go overboard. I said this to my therapist, and he still wanted me to get rid of what I have. I think what they're acting on is their own concern and the fact that addicts will often try to hide their addictive behavior, viewing me as "an addict" rather than "dragonsanddemons."

Most bad therapist follow a handbook, a step by step guideline for a label. When someone is different from the "norm", this can cause serious problems. A therapist should adapt, but some are just lazy and bad at what they do. Just ask people here, and a lot of people will have experience with therapists who have no experience with ASD or follow a set of rules for a certain diagnosis, which just doesn't work for a lot of people.

I truly hope you can find a good solution for this and this doesn't go awfully wrong. Good luck!


Thank you. This therapist actually specializes in treating people with neurological disorders such as ASD, he just doesn't know what to do about self-harm (and told me so). I'm also seeing another therapist who hasn't worked with anyone on the autism spectrum before, who will probably focus more on the self-harm. So I'll probably stick with this one for issues that fall more into his area of expertise.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"