scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Dear Carolyn: I'm not in a romantic relationship and I'm fine with that — maybe too fine. My feeling is that I am building a life without one and then if it happens, it happens. My concern is that if it doesn't happen, am I missing out on one of the great things in life? (I do have great, long-standing friendships.)

— Ann Arbor, Mich.

Ann Arbor, Mich.: Yes, you are missing out on one of the great things in life — walking through time by someone’s side. And couples are missing out on one of the great things in life — living utterly and completely on one’s own terms.

We choose, we sacrifice, we covet other people’s toys and we hope for the best. The definition of “best” is different for everyone, but I imagine we collectively hope to minimize the number of times we long for the things we gave up. You’re asking, but you don’t seem to be sighing that much.

Meanwhile, you’re stockpiling the commodity every one of us needs, no matter which choices we make: self-reliance. Never second-guess that.

7

8 since I am satisfied with my effort today and nothing went wrong.

After having attended i riding class can conclude that I am still clumsy, uncertain and struggle to find out how to act in social situations. Copying others, watching them carefully to find out what I should be doing, being too quiet...all of it is still there. At least I know what it is now so I do not feel as filled with self hatred and feeling lost as I used to. It`s just sad that it is this way.
Even if people seems so nice, I still can`t find a way to connect well enough with them. Watching everything from "the outside", watching their ways.
But as long as no one turns hostile towards me the problem isn`t so big today as it once was.
I payed for a full weekend course, but I really can`t go tomorrow and had to write and let the instructor know I`m not coming. I am exhausted and found comfort in raking grass when I came home even if I was very tired. I needed to let go of some agitation and stress.
The riding and instructions went well though. My horse did good and really helped me by being so nice. And the dogs were overwhelmingly happy to see me when I went in. The Cocker Spaniel jumped up and down like a ball. Dogs really know how to put a smile on your face!

8

-15

7

4?

6 – i'm really happy but i'll deduce 2 points because it's too hot and 2 points because i'm a bit messed with my tasks.

-20

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-8. Changing weather plus lack of sleep plus sinus infection equals massive headache. I still really want to make some sort of progress toward living on my own, but don't see that happening any time soon. And once I am, then what? I'll still just be a lazy layabout doing nothing of any value to anyone, really just existing and biding the time until I die - I'll just be doing it on my own. But there's no way I can work any job in the forseeable future, I have no particular skills or talents or anything... what am I supposed to do? And I'm just so dang tired of living... I wish I could just die of natural causes already, that would make things so much easier, for everyone.

And a much more mild complaint, I really wish I had something to do for Halloween where 1, the costume I've been working on would be appropriate, and 2, people would actually recognize what I was supposed to be (a Cenobite from Hellraiser - one I created myself). But since I rarely even interact with anyone outside of my immediate family, I'll probably just be sitting at home by myself, watching horror movies on my own, again (which isn't anything out of the ordinary for me - I do that all year round).