Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear Alice,

I know that we've known each other for 2 years. you were the best girlfriend that a guy can ask for. But knowing us, I don't think that we can ever get romantically close with each other. I may not even date another girl because I'll never meet anyone like you in a hundred years. You're always cute when you wear your glasses and you always have a knack of knowing what to do at the right time. Just seeing you comforts me, but we never had the courage just to hold each other's hand and say "I love you."

I'm not mad that we broke up, but I still want to be friends with you. When somebody tells you nobody cares about you, tell them they're wrong. Tell them about me. I always love you and you keeps me from having a meltdown when I'm rough. I should probably explain that though...

I have Asperger's Syndrome. If you Google it, the first thing that you might find out it's "nerd syndrome". It's a form of autism and this ends up with me not able to relate to people as well as you can.

It's because of Aspergers you made me feel loved. I didn't have too many friends in high school, so you make me feel like I have a million. Now we're breaking up and I'll admit that I didn't take it too well. I've clung to you, but I realized that I need to make my own way, the same way you made yours.

With love,
PhilosophicTurtle

_________________
exams.

Only 1 1/2 more weeks of school and procrastination.

dear famous people,

Why are you always so weird. You never live up to my expectations. You are so talented but off stage you act so *human*. You have flaws. This pisses me off, and I am not being facetious. You act like you are it on a stick, when you should at least pretend to be humble. You need to act like you don't know that people like me worship at your feet. But you do know. And then you act all elitist and weird. This is not allowed. Once again, I am in earnest. This is not a joke. Or, you do things that trivialize how people like me feel. Like giving away chapstick you have used one time on your lips, at a gig. Is this a joke, or not really. You act like girls should be crazy about you, but then you mock them when they are. And your girlfriend does too. I think this sucks but I know it's an in-joke among you and your friends. 2nd person I made the mistake of admiring, I thought you were like me. because your music was so deep and soulful. You aren't. It's crushing to realize. I depended on this. You used to hate the internet and wanted no part of it. Or tech in general. Now that you are on facebook, it sucks to see how really NT you are. I never thought you would be this way. I hate feeling like you are obligated to meet my expectations because it's crazy and realizing I feel this way makes me feel crazy. I depended on you being a certain way and now that you are not I am kind of sad. Crushingly sad since I have been a fan for twenty years. It sucks so righteously. No more hero worship for me.

I rely on you to keep your head on your shoulders, because I lost mine many years ago. I seem to need steady points to zero in on, because I'm in freefall. Is that wrong?

Dear K, C, N

Hope you'll write back to me one day.

Dear Deb,

I understand that I am a broken, defective human being who was made by the Devil. I understand that I do not deserve a place in my own family or a single thing to remember by father by. I understand that you are a better human being than I because you are socially adept, and that you deserve anything you can connive to steal.

I don't want Mom's money. You can have it. In fact, if you will shut up and leave us alone, I'd be happy to buy the homeplace from Mom. It would be well worth it if you would shut your mouth and let her go home for a Sunday dinner once in a while. She'd probably like to watch her grandkids play, look at the birds, and remember the good times.

I understand that you're not going to do those things, because you get off on condemnation and self-righteous judgment.

So please stay the f**k away from my grandmother. Every time she talks to you, I have to listen to her cry for a week.

I hope you get over whatever mental illness you have.

Actually, for everything you've done to me, and Mom, and the rest of my family, I hope you burn in Hell.

Sincerely,
Jessie

I saw you today, but kept thinking you're someone else until it's too late. I wish you would have said hello. I know you're frustrated, but words do hurt.
The ironic part was that you were weighing on my mind tonight. I'm always afraid that if I am completely open, it will be misconstrued. You have been a dear friend, but I'm not looking for more than that. I thought it was the same for you, but I worry that you're looking for more.
I don't know what to do anymore, and feel emotionally exhausted right now. I'm not going away for your convenience though. If that's selfish so be it.
I don't play games. I'm not trying to present myself as someone I'm not. Don't hoist me on some pedestal. Just be my friend who can appreciate the good, but roll with the not so good sometimes. A real friend. It's your call.

Seb, I miss you. I hope you're doing well. I'm not doing too badly myself.

Dear stupid veterinary receptionist,

When someone calls your office to ask for directions, don't hang up on them. I know I can be awkward in conversation, but that was just rude.

Also, when a client whom you have hung-up-upon is 15 minutes late because of your incompetence, and is bringing in a sick pet, and you chose to send them away because "they are scheduled up all afternoon," just know you are being a terrible person. Don't pretend you are doing it for my benefit.

Thank you.

Sicerely,
Person-who-will-give-you-terrible-online-reviews

It would be my pleasure to "lighten your afternoon load"

Dear son,

This is the last time I will refer to you as my son. This doesn't mean I don't love you, I do love you very much and always will. You will always be my first born child and the one who made me a mother. Your actions for these past three years have been unconscionable. You have bought into your baby mama's psychiatric problems and cut yourself off from the one person in the world who would literally lay down her life for you if need be. You hurt me because she wanted you to and you kept it up because you hurting me makes her happy. Sounds like you have some serious psych problems of your own, which I wish I had known about when you were younger so I could have gotten you some help with them. You cannot be happy if it's dependent on others pain, and despite what you think, I do want you to be happy. And safe. And alive. And not in prison.

That's why I messed with your free will to begin with. You still don't know, because she of course didn't tell you and would deny it if you found out, she would say I'm lying but I'm not. She was in love with you, you were bad into the drugs at the time, and doing dangerous things. She seemed calm and settled, even though you didn't really like her. I liked her for you because I thought she would settle you down and keep you alive. With her permission I hoodoo'd you two together and bound you for as long as it was in your best interest. I paid for that I suppose by her going completely insane afterwards and hating your family, me in particular, and her making you cut us out of your life. At least she lets you talk to dad and your brother and one sister now. Of course you can talk to my mother because my mother has her nose up that ho's butt so far I'm surprised she can breathe. She sucks up son. She doesn't mean a nice word she says around that girl and has said horrible, horrible things about her behind her back. She's even offered to get me something of both yall's if I'd undo the spell. I won't do that because it could hurt you. I'd rather suffer myself than do that.

However, for the past three years I have been in pain. Sometimes you see it, sometimes you don't, but it's true. I cry, I hurt, it's added to my stress and at times has made me not even want to live. I've focused so much on losing you that I lost focus on my other three children, one of which you hurt just as bad as me. I have wallowed in pity and doubt and self hatred and guilt for not preventing this. I have allowed myself to be so overcome with stress that rather than try to deal, I'd drink. I knew it wasn't the smartest move. I knew that stopping my meds wasn't either. But sometimes stopping the pain right now for a little while outweighs the longer term bad consequences that I know are coming.

I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not letting myself be hurt anymore because you choose to buy into what that girl wants you to do. That girl who slept with your best friend while they were living with you and you were supporting him, right under your nose. That girl who tried to steal your grandmothers money out of the bank to fly out of state to see her ex boyfriend. That girl who tried to steal your grandmothers car. That girl who told 8 or 9 different stories about how I had "attacked her with knives" when those didn't come into play, only yelling and loading the dishwasher, with some cutlery but not as a weapon. Even if I had done that, which I did not, you remember the boy who I actually did not only beat the crap out of him (18 at the time) in the den when I found out he was messing with your little sister and then chased him through the house and up the road with a butcher knife, not once, but twice, and nobody had a problem with it because he deserved it, and he did run faster than me so I couldn't catch him, me and him are fine now. He apologized, hugged my neck, said that since he's got a daughter now he thinks me or your dad would have been justified in actually killing him, and I said I'm glad he's got perspective and I'm proud of him. He's on my FB and we talke when we see each other. He's been at the house again. He got over it fast because he knew he was in the wrong. She was in the wrong too but I did not to that to her because you love her and she's the mother of my grandbaby. So I just yelled. She physically hurt you and then threatened to kill you in front of me. What mother sits back and lets that happen? I just yelled. I wanted to jump her ass but I held my temper. I'm sorry that her feelings are so fragile that she can't take any consequences for her actions.

Either way, you say you don't have or want a mother anymore. It hurts me to my soul right now and feels like I am literally ripping a part out of my heart, my soul, my body. I have physical pain doing this, but it has to be done or else I will end up in a psych ward or hanging from a closet rod one day and I do not want that. I have three kids who know whats what and who love me. I will live my life for them and I will be happy. I will not allow myself to miss you. I am much, much stronger than you think, especially when I put my mind to it. I know you see me as "Weak ass Mom who loses it over everything" but that's because I don't always man up. This time I am. I'm pulling those big brass balls back out of retirement and using them for everything they are worth. Using them like my life depended on it, and it does.

You'll always be in my heart. You will always be welcome back anytime you want to. But for now, and until you want one, you have no mother. You have no sister. We love you. We just choose to forget you until the day may come when it's safe to remember you again.

For the last time I'm saying this to you. I love you so much. I love every one of you more than anything in the world. I'd still take a bullet for you if need be, but I won't see you out to do so. After this, I'm putting you out of my mind. Your photos, awards, trophies, all those will be taken out of my house. I cannot be reminded every day of the child who hates me for no reason. When, and if you need me, I'll be here. Until then, you are just someone I used to know.

This isn't being mean or cold. This is me saving my own life, because you are deteremined to either ruin or end it.

Bye baby. Mama loves you and always will.

But I'm not Mama anymore. I'm just that one lady who raised you for a few years.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Dear you,

You need to do what's best for you. I'll be broken, but you deserve some sunshine. I've held back for both our sakes. You are so strong, so warm, and so beautiful. Don't ever forget that again.

Love,
Me

P.S. You can add cantankerous and complicated to that list, but adding is not negating.

If there was a star in heaven, id name it after you.

Quote unknown-

So now I understand: when you said you'd help me, that was a lie right to my face. What did you think it meant when I brought you the handful of washed strawberries and the cup of cinnamon tea?

Why did you have to lie and sneak out again, without us knowing, in the middle of the night. Is it drama or purposeful spite to act this way to your brother and me? Rhetorical question, that, as I know you won't answer.

We would have let you in to gather your things and leave again, if you had just said that is what you needed to do. Instead, you lied; giving your brother false hope that you care enough to spend some time with him. So now, he and I have to put you in the category that you don't care enough to spend any time with him at all. Clearly we have been cast aside and rejected.
We're used to dealing with that and we'll not look forward to seeing you again, because we have to be on guard against being tricked and hurt.

Wherever you are, wherever you're going, hope things go well for you.

Love, always,
- mmmmntn

Dear Friend,

I'm sorry we are not friends anymore.
You made up most of my childhood and have been in and out of my life for years.
There is something special in you that you will never understand because you leave hate bloke it and you try to be something you're not .
I still think of you now and then when i feel down and alone . I think maybe once upon a time I felt deep feelings for you ,some might say love but you try to ruin everything that you come in contact with.
I have to stop thinking about you but live a happy,fulfilled life

from dear ole me ,

Brooke,

Thank you for dancing with me. I shall remember it fondly.

Dear classmates:
Yes, I was ignoring you. Why you never stop shouting?

Edited.