Why does no one want me to have a relationship?
You stated men don’t need to worry about getting to old to have kids or birth defects.
But we have to date women our age so if women our age have to worry about that so do we. The men who don’t have to worry about that stuff are the ones wealthy enough to date a woman 20-30 years younger then them.
He seems similar to me and I think he’s on disability or going to be on it so he probably can’t work full time, if so like me he can’t change his finical situation to apeal to more women.
People always tell me to just change improve they ignore that I’m disabled in a way that prevents that. So help can’t be offered until the offerer accepts the person is disabled abt this can’t improve in lot of areas that are require and offer help that is built around that reality.
I wish there were more “so your disabled and limited to retail work or min wage income here’s some things you can try to find love” rather then “get a better job”
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There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die
But we have to date women our age so if women our age have to worry about that so do we. The men who don’t have to worry about that stuff are the ones wealthy enough to date a woman 20-30 years younger then them.
He seems similar to me and I think he’s on disability or going to be on it so he probably can’t work full time, if so like me he can’t change his finical situation to apeal to more women.
People always tell me to just change improve they ignore that I’m disabled in a way that prevents that. So help can’t be offered until the offerer accepts the person is disabled abt this can’t improve in lot of areas that are require and offer help that is built around that reality.
I wish there were more “so your disabled and limited to retail work or min wage income here’s some things you can try to find love” rather then “get a better job”
What I meant is that men don't have to worry about their own safety when it comes to having kids, women always do no matter how old or young they are. And that men can have children easier if they manage to find a younger partner, but women don't have that possibility at all. So yes, this thing in particular is easier for men. I'm not saying men are at fault, it's just biology, but it's still a fact. And no one "has to" date someone their own age, it's simply easier (and more socially acceptable) to get a date around one's own age, but it's not impossible to get younger dates, even if you aren't rich.
Perhaps it's true that you can't improve in any way, but unless Markins comes and says there is no way he could change anything about himself then there's no point in comparing your lives to each other. I don't know about your situation but I do know a little bit of his. From what I've understood he might actually be able to work full time if he just managed to get a full time job. And even if he can't then so what? There are other ways to improve oneself than just getting a better job, ways that I believe he can do.
Depends on the person of course, but here are a few that apply to most and don't need a fulltime job to be done:
Getting in to a better shape, like losing weight and getting a bit of muscle. Learning how to socialize better (there are plenty of little things for this), like learning how to listen better, learning how to talk about interesting stuff, learning when to give the other more space etc. Learning to think more positively.
Have you consider that if you're too disabled to work full-time, you might by extension be too disabled to get a relationship?
Most women seem to want a guy in the same ballpark or higher in terms of income, which considering historic gender roles of the man providing for his family and the woman looking after children, makes sense. In fact I've even seen it argued that there are underlying biological drives that make women more inclined to gravitate towards men with a good amount of money and resources, as these men can better-provide for potential offspring than men treading the poverty line.
A woman who wants to be a housewife or full-time mother can't get with you or she'll likely end up living in poverty, and if she can do better than that in terms of a partner, why wouldn't she?
A woman who makes more than you will feel restricted in terms of going on holidays with you and that sort of thing because you can't afford them, and she'd have to either go without you or pay your way, neither of which are desirable. And again, if she can get a guy in a better financial situation, then why would she choose you?
There are some men who can get a relationship while working part-time, but for most of these guys either they're working part-time temperarily and striving towards a particular career path, or they'll permanently work part-time but have significant compensatory qualities to make up for what they lack in employment and financial stability, the most common of which is being very physically attractive, and another is having very good social skills and a high level of charisma. Not having financial stability, good looks or even decent looks, or great social skills and not working towards improving is going to generally mean that your dating prospects will be slim, and you'll get so few opportunities to date that you'll probably have to take any that come up. In other words, not only can you not afford to be picky, but you can barely afford to have any preferences at all in this situation. If you want better dating prospects, you'll have to work for them, whether it be becoming more financially stable or physically attractive. If you can't, then the likelihood is you're "too disabled" to get a relationship.
Then the answer would likely be, "The disabled person's actions that are directly due to his or her disability in a mixed social environment."
If the disability is truly the cause of the person's lack of romantic success, then the person is not likely to ever be romantically successful, and he or she should just learn to live with it.
But if the disability is merely being used by the person as an excuse to not learn socially acceptable courtship behavior, then the fault lies with the person, and not the disability.
We don't really know....how can we actually know?
I've been told I shouldn't drive, for example.
It wasn't explicitly stated it was because I had a "disability"--but the implication was obvious.
I feel Marknis has to have an attitude adjustment---most definitely.
But I would never tell him NOT to seek a relationship. I would tell him, rather, not to make it his #1 priority in life, to the exclusion of pursuing his other interests.
Just like it would make sense that I shouldn't make "the pursuit of my driver's license" the only activity, the only thought, I ever pursue in life, to the exclusion, say, of pursuing my interest in archaeology, my interest in other people, my interest in Nature. It's ideal when one has many interests to pursue.
I've been pretty obsessed with things at points within my life; that's why I know this is often a "dead end."
If somebody is a psychopath, that's one thing.
But if a person is merely autistic, what gives anybody the right to say that one is too "disabled" to seek love?
My comment was actually directed at Sly, and I was just demonstrating that "too disabled to work full-time" might not be unaccompanied by "too disabled to date", at least if you're a heterosexual guy who cannot compensate for the financial and occupational deficits through other means like physical attractiveness. It's not impossible to meet and date someone in this situation but based on a compelling quantity of anecdotal evidence here, it would appear to pose a significant barrier, particularly if the individual in question can't or won't work towards improving their situation or appeal.
It's not the disability itself that's the problem, but the limitations it places on the person in question, and by extension, any partner they have. There are plenty of autistics who can work full-time and as such will be unaffected by this particular barrier to a relationship. There are also plenty of autistics who are looking to develop as a person and expand their skills, capabilities and appeal. These individuals are more likely to do well in the dating arena.
If the past was that bad then just focus on the future, but keep in mind that it will be the same as present if you don't also focus on the present now. You're what, 30? 31? 32? There's still plenty of time to find a relationship and even to have kids (assuming you want them of course) since you're a man. You don't have to worry about things like safe age to give birth etc. But you have to work on it; I'm sure that you understand by now that staying as you are is extremely unlikely to bring you what you want.
C'mon now, let's make a to do -list. What are the things about you that you think are the reasons you haven't been able to get a girlfriend? You can probably come up with plenty, but right now, list only the things that you think you could be able to change in the next three years with the proper guidance.
I am 30. My therapist told me that is still young and not even half of my life. I just don't want to be 70 and finally have a relationship. I am fine with waiting for marriage for my late 30's to 50's but only if I have some relationship experience before then. As far as children go, I would want to be in a better life situation before making that sort of commitment.
I suppose being shy and anxious in social situations has been my biggest struggles in getting a girlfriend. The first thing makes me not make approaches very often and the second thing makes conversations difficult for me. I worry that I am missing out on social opportunities but at the same time I am too nervous to go to them. I also feel like I don't fit in anywhere.
People always tell me to just change improve they ignore that I’m disabled in a way that prevents that. So help can’t be offered until the offerer accepts the person is disabled abt this can’t improve in lot of areas that are require and offer help that is built around that reality.
I wish there were more “so your disabled and limited to retail work or min wage income here’s some things you can try to find love” rather then “get a better job”
No, I am not on disability. I don't know where you got that from. Also, please do not compare myself to you. I want to be seen as an individual. I don't work full time because I get burned out from my regular schedule and I tend to function on routines. I would also go insane if I had to be around the full time workers at my job for longer than I normally do. The double standards, s**t talking, and tedious work on a part time basis is bad enough.
I've seen people living in poverty that are coupled up. They both can barely scrape by or are living on the streets but they form romantic bonds over having similar life circumstances.
From what I know of you, I'd say that really might be your worst problem. Getting practice at socializing is very easy, if you can work up the courage to talk to others. Try different places with different people, so if you feel like you've messed up big time or get all anxious, you don't necessarily have to go there anymore and see those people, so you can forgive yourself and try again elsewhere.
Practice is the key.
From what I know of you, I'd say that really might be your worst problem. Getting practice at socializing is very easy, if you can work up the courage to talk to others. Try different places with different people, so if you feel like you've messed up big time or get all anxious, you don't necessarily have to go there anymore and see those people, so you can forgive yourself and try again elsewhere.
Practice is the key.
I've actually been told to go to church to socialize despite how I used to be taken to one on a regular basis and even back then I felt like an outsider. I actually got into clashes with other kids there.
My other detractor who is a conservative actually encouraged other single men to go to bible study groups despite how he had to leave the US to get a wife. What was really brain dead of him is that he said Christians look out for their fellow men no matter who they are but in the same breath he disregarded LGBT people, non-Christians, liberals, psychologists, and secularists.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
He has love for Trump, hatred for "secularism", and KKK-like pride (Despite marrying an Asian woman)
My other detractor who is a conservative actually encouraged other single men to go to bible study groups despite how he had to leave the US to get a wife. What was really brain dead of him is that he said Christians look out for their fellow men no matter who they are but in the same breath he disregarded LGBT people, non-Christians, liberals, psychologists, and secularists.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
He has love for Trump, hatred for "secularism", and KKK-like pride (Despite marrying an Asian woman)
I'm sure there are other places than church where socializing is possible over there, if not in your town then the closest bigger city.
No idea what that second part has to do with anything I said or why'd you suddenly brought it up... I suppose this is a good example of you being bad at socializing, bringing up something that is barely tied to the subject at hand.
I'm sure there are other places than church where socializing is possible over there, if not in your town then the closest bigger city.
No idea what that second part has to do with anything I said or why'd you suddenly brought it up... I suppose this is a good example of you being bad at socializing, bringing up something that is barely tied to the subject at hand.
I will say the last times I've gone to the mall, I've seen a lot of people, especially younger people, hanging out. But in my experience, people who already have company with them aren't interested in expanding their social connections. I've tried to engage people who had company with them and they didn't look interested in making friends with me at all. I've also been told I am considered "too old" to hang out with the 20's crowd and thinking about dating someone of the opposite sex in her 20's apparently makes me "creepy" even though I've seen young women dating men in their 40's or above.
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