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Ha, schadenfreude tastes so sweet to me. You seem to gain pleasure from directing snide remarks at me. Haha, he directed a snide remark at you not so long ago!

im really luck to have comrades like mine. today one of them offered to lend me her book on the russian revolution for the next marxist reading group because she was concerned at the expense we might, as students, be put out by. and this same comrade started thinking up ideas to help me sneak out to the marxism conference in another state next year at easter which is a complicated feat and another comrade offered to be an alibi if i did manage to get out. i dont think ill be able to get out but dreaming is nice. from the way my comrades speak of it, it is something i need to be at- it sounds so exciting. i wish there was some way to repay them. i owe them big time.

No matter how many times I want to end my life, no matter how stressed, depressed, angry, pissed I may get, no matter who lets me down or who I let down, I can always count on my aspie obsession to make me happy. At least I get one good thing out of the horrible, horrible illness that is autism, the obsessions.

Is in a great sense of complacency, and I welcome it with open arms, and don't want it to leave.

i dont do new years resolutions and i need to feel better so im going to make a list of all the things i did this year that made me happy. this may well be the longest post i have posted:

i started going to queer youth group and it was nice finding other people like me who were weird and i could sorta relax around them and not having to hide being queer was such a relief when compared with the constant editing or lying i usually have to do.

going to a caah banner painting working bee as a one off and meeting people from socialist alternative who eventually got me to join and get involved in things and have taught me so much. that and they are the first people i have met that earned my respect. i dont have to edit things out with them either. one of the women there recommended i go to the queer youth group im going to when i accidently blurted out my home life status to them. i was already going but its the thought that counts. theyre an amazing bunch. i dont think id have made it through this year without them. most of what made me happy has to do with them and theyll never know how much they mean to me.

upping my quota of rallies. i'd started going last year and its something ive wanted to do since primary. the more memorable rallies were:

my first bds protest where we got the shop owners to shut up shop and it was wonderfully aggressive,

the first marriage rights rally i went to with people from queer youth group was good- we held hands the whole way and then went for drinks & you feel less stupid saying "hey hey ho ho homophobias got to go" with other people

slut walk.

the public sector workers strike/ rally- 40000 unionised workers fighting for their rights and a lot were sympathetic to socialists. and i joined up with socialist alternative after. they said it was a good day to join because i would never forget it and they were right. i still remember the date.

going to occupy because i learnt so much out of it. cops are the bad guys in this story and people are not always as hopeless as i thought. plus i got to spend lots of time with my comrades. &

the last marriage equality rally i went to. 10000 people at the alp conference. id been looking forward to it for 1/2 a year. the counter counter rally was better though. we were smaller than the bigots but we near drowned them out.

poster runs and stalls with socialist alternative because i feel like im doing something useful.

i did a gender and womens studies course. the feminist in me was thrilled. ive wanted to do it since i was 14.

i went to queer collective at uni which is something id wanted to do for a long while. i enjoyed my first time but it was too much and i stopped liking it but curiosity sated. one of the guys there was in the year above me at highschool. it was weird.

i started going to marxist reading group. ive always wanted to go to a book club but couldnt find one oriented to my age group and this isnt exactly the same but im not complaining. it benifits me politically.

going to poetry nights.

doing work experience at a nursery run by the intellectual disablility foundation where all the people were NA and weird so i could be too. i have never ever been so at ease with people. they were open minded too.

campaigning in student elections. i liked the conflict and competition. taught me a lot about the people who head our student union(they suck).

i started coming here. its nice being around people who understand some of the stuff that makes other people think wtf. i can say stuff here i cant say in the real world and tell people things i cant say in real life.

i like having a things to put on a things that made me happy list. my years are never this good(my years are never good) and ive never been happy before and it feels nice. i want it to last forever. i know it cant but while it does i will make the most of it.

EDIT: forgot to mention im Times person of the year. oh yeah.

I always wondered why we get so depressed, but at least there is always something to look forward to.

I have taken up dancing as an excersise as I love music and it comes natural I guess...so I think I'll be dancing next time I get upset.

Oh and Hi TitenGeek, I couldn't remember my last account so I made another. You are well I assume? :p

As of the past couple of days, life has been awesome. At one point, I thought that my reputation at my school combined with the AS was what made me get so upset, and while I feel that is part of the problem, I finally realized that my hearing was a bigger issue when I got hearing aids.

In my case, I used to speak very loudly whenever I got excited or even when I couldn't hear myself. It wasn't so much because I didn't know any better, it was because of my perception. But now, since I can hear my voice more easily, I feel a lot calmer and there's no need for me to talk so loudly.

I'm excited to see how they work for me at school. Tomorrow I'll have exams so it won't be the best day, but it's worth a try.

I'm breathing well, and I didn't puke when I had to make that phone call today to a client who is driving me nuts.

I made a necessary phone call, and got something done.

Music is the only thing that make me truly happy.
It has kept me alive and gives me hope.

Yesterday I made 3 wonderful friends on last FM. one of them is a socialist and we discussed our political philosophy.
He discovered me in the socialist group and agreed with my post. He believe socialism can be achieved peacefully and I believe that revolution is necessary.
The other two love my favorite band "NMA" just as much as I do. We had some great conversations about the band.
It's amazing how one band can attract such intelligent,kind and passionate people. I guess that is displayed in their songs.
I want to see the band live but live in the goddamn American empire. I want to live in a less shallow country like Ireland or new Zealand.

I don't know why my obsessions always revolve around artist that are way out of my reach. on December 24th their studio burnt to the ground but the band's spirit were still intact. They got word's of support from all over the world. They have a small cult following in nearly every city in the western world and some cities in the eastern world. The positive thing about the fire was that only material possessions were lost and nobody was hurt. It's a very beautiful and moving story!

It's things like this that make me realize that the world and humanity are not bad after all.
I can't talk about my interests to my family anymore without them calling me selfish.

'Life on Mars' [the song]

I just learned yesterday that I can make bases for my sculptures using wadded up newspaper, cardboard, and masking tape! I've made the ears, and some of the head so far!

I can't wait for my birthday, so I can use the art store gift certificate to buy the clay, acrylics, fake fur, Styrofoam, and wire that I need to finish it!