Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky

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That's extraordinary, and especially for cat as they're not really designed to take commands. Elsie is really pretty - love her green eyes.

Wow...that is really awesome.

I doubt my cat would be as responsive to commands, but I HAVE noticed that whenever I've been ill or upset, she does seem to pay me extra attention. Mine even figured out I had stomach problems before I realized it was bad enough to go to the doctor...she would lay on my stomach every day after I ate, during that time. I think she knew I was going to feel bad at the end of my meal!

The right cat is more caring than given credit for--and very calming. I'm so glad you have the privilege of such an awesome cat.

Thanks, guys. She really is beautiful, isn't she? I think she's just the prettiest little cat ever, and she knows it! Another cool thing is does is sits directly behind me on the couch when I'm anxious and need to calm down. She sits at the back of my neck and purrs. I think purring is the most calmest sound, and I love when she does that.

The only downside to a service cat is that, because she refuses to learn to walk on a leash, I can't talk her to the store or out and about and thus have to depend on my mom or my aide to go most anywhere but work. I would like to get a service dog so that it could come "out" with me, but they're very expensive and I don't have the experience to train one myself.

ive had/have selective mutism

kind of weird to say that

Why weird to say that?

I have... an "autism quirk," as my doctor called it, that steals my words from me. I typically don't say much and leave out nonessential words and have a funny way of saying a lot of things, but I talk pretty well around my mom and my best friend. Still, there are times that I can't get out any words for anyone. It's a strange thing.

I'm in the process of applying for the PA Autism Waiver, and the man who did my functional assessment says he doesn't think I'm too high-functioning to get it, so that's good (I guess, haha). Their website says they can provide assistive technology, so I'm hoping for a device that will help me when I lose my words. Wouldn't that be great?

its weird because i havent said it in that way before. id always just thought of it as just a phase i went through, or a way i reacted in certain situations. which i guess it is, but it still feels strange to call it something else.
i dont really understand it and wish i knew a formula for circumstances that lead to it

Don't be afraid to call it what it is, OneStep. Being afraid of a word for what you already know is reality is a silly thing.

I can relate to leaving words out. Instead of, "Do you need an apple?" I might say "you need apple." or "Where are you going?" I might say "Where you going?" or "I am good" might be "I good".

I had a maaaajor melt down the other night (even woke my mom up at 1am to sit with me and keep me from hurting myself), and it stole my words. The doctor and Mom think it's because we dropped my daytime Geodon from 60mg to 40mg in an attempt to make me less comatose and more talkative... but it seems to have backfired and stolen my words in the end.

So now I'm trying to get through life with absolutely as few words as possible. I'm basically telling people, "I'm having trouble speaking. I would prefer to be quiet." And so far, the doctors have respected that. The therapist wouldn't let me type, though... she absolutely doesn't understand that I can say more when I type than when I talk, and forces me to go through "therapy" with my limited speech. It's frustrating. And then at work, I thought I'd just do the best I could, and talked quite a bit, and now I'm left feeling like I'm going to throw up because I talked too much. I wish the world were made for nonverbal people. But it's just not.

I am not NV Dx, but I was very quiet when I was in school, and have very few people that I speak openly with. I have no problems ordering in a restaurant or asking functional questions. I have found this thread very interesting. I am curious about what causes someone to be selectivly mute? I also think primarily in images and sometimes have alot of trouble conveying my ideas to people who cannot make pictures in thier minds - they lose the details and become confused.

When I was a teenager and homeless I remember a conversation with a friend (at the time I had 1 friend) - I expressed that I may be more comfortable/able to get my ideas out by drawing and that I should "give up on speaking" - he said even if it was easier for me to get out that I would be less understood . . .

I find that when I am most frusterated my head cannot make words - I see pictures or feel waves of chemical emotion but it can take along time to make a statement. Sometimes my partner will say " why aren't you saying anything? "

I find I am occasionally compelled to swear off language and when I am most frusterated I sometimes exclaim that I should just give up and never speak to anyone again! . . . and except my partner who lives with me, I may go weeks or months without speaking to someone (I could but instead I just stay in my house and do my stained glass art by my self, don't answer the phone or the door). Is it possible that frusteration is a cause? - This happens (cannot come up with the words on the spot, recent years have begun to stutter) when I feel like I have tried to say what I need but nobody listens, or they are disregarding me as "stubborn", so then I think it is pointless to talk at all.

question:
If you try to communicate and it is unsuccessfull (don't get what you need) can that induce non verbal behaviour over time? (can you become selectivly NV non verbal as an adult?/ am I "at risk" because of these times when I just want to give up on talking to people at all?)

Is the above description what is ment by selectivly mute . . . or am I just being avoidant and shy?

The times when my brain just stops working and it takes a long time to get words out is only when I am very very frusterated. The rest of the time I could speak but will hide in my studio to avoid talking to strange people.

^ Understood. Verbal speech can be postively vexing and so much room for misinterpretation, not to mention the inevitable 'explaining' to any given other being who truly does not 'get it.' With verbal speech, I've had times when I am at levels of SCREAMING PAIN! In all honesty, verbal speech IS meltdown-inducing. I am, by nature, very patient but speech is imprecise and cannot adequately describe what I may need to convey.

But, for advice....I've done it the hard way. Do speak. (Caveat: For those who cannot - sure, mute Autistics simply cannot and that's understandable). To not means you are relinquishing power and you will be hellishly misinterpreted in your silence. I dislike that (lack of) speech can be regarded as 'selective' since I oftentimes do not speak because I am truly at an impasse. Instead, that my thoughts are not congruent with verbal speech. And that's not selective.

However, I now am speaking and much more. Because I know to succeed in this world one must. Any sort-of communication disorder is debilitating and you will pay. I have vowed to speak and just know, within myself, this speech is a foreign convention. In essence, language is a 2nd language. I believe any Aspie (or other ASD) cannot ever fully reconcile that their thoughts do not fit into verbal speech patterns. Because of this fundamental way of being I really wish more Aspies on the Wrong Planet would feel welcome to post here. Even if they can/do speak, communication is one of our triad of differences. Communication, verbal, is our interface to the 'real world' since this is the means to interact directly with others.

Strong observation!! ! If you are writing 'they' will not read. By this I mean, reading goes from L to R, word for word, line by line. Most any NT I know skims and skips - selective illiteracy! Of course we are then bound to be misunderstood and at the most basic level. Speech is forced listening. To write means you are giving them the power to only partly read, not read, or read much later. Just does not work out.

For ex: Say there's an apartment fire. I could give 'other' a note, stating "Call 911, the apartment is burning down." 'Other' may or may not read it, or they'll just take a glance, put in their pocket to read later (maybe). Seriously, even more 'mundane' yet vitally important things are totally missed. If I have a matter that needs to be attended to asap, I must SPEAK IT. Elsewise, they don't get it. Then, if/when I do protest, they act as if I'm somehow imposing. Huh? Then how come they get to chatter and we have to listen? Yet we are not granted the courtesy of being listened to, via writing!! !

I've noticed NTs tend to be lousy readers. For ex: I recently had to arrange housing, via email (it's overseas) - not a problem BUT 'other' truly doesn't read it. By this I mean that even the most basic facts, which I had clearly written , are missed. It's a back-and-forth game of tag. Now try this is an everyday basis - nightmare. To not communicate well is truly a nightmare. We must, as Aspies, be as 'normal' as possible or else suffer the consequences. To write is not OK with many/most.

Any Wrong Planet Aspies are welcome to post here. I know some WP friends have stated, about this forum, (paraphrase here) "I don't qualify. I'm not mute therefore I don't post here." Then, at the same time, they'll state (maybe elsewhere) that they are not really understood by others. Yes, you CAN post here. Communication dysfunction is part of our Dx (Asperger's Syndrome/Autism). Ergo, you qualify Aspies.

That's an invitation. Or a dare, not sure which
Plus, the Lab Pet knows where you live < just kidding >

Ahem. Since I am on a rampage......

If we are "selectively" mute then they (NTs) are selectively illiterate. In any case, here's a likely instance I've encountered: (Former) chem dept. secretary (just as an example here) - I may write to communicate with her in her presence - just more expedient for me (and for her as well). But, she doesn't read it. Then she says, in effect "But <my name> does speak sometimes. So, she needs to always speak and if she doesn't I'll not read it. Because I don't have to and she needs to learn to speak to me all the time." I hate this way of thinking but it's reality. So, when I do not speak it's taken almost as an act of willfulness (no, could not be further from the truth)! Meanwhile, she gets to selectively ignore me and she gets a (false) sense of superiority.

This is giving power to 'them' and we are at the disadvantage. And badly misinterprted and ignored. This is why I must speak.

It is strange, I think in words and am proficient with written communication but just can't vocalize it the same way. Today I got an eye test and they gave me a test where I mostly had to nod or shake my head instead of reading out letters. I think I'm just selectively mute, I don't know. It seems most people with this problem can't convert picture-thoughts into word thoughts, is this true?

I cannot know, of course, but certainly your AS is a factor. I actually might (sort-of) think in words too, but if so that's WRITTEN language which is fundamentally different than speech. For any ASD, I think we truly do convert, out of necessity.

That's interesting about your eye test - seems, like most of us, you are very sensory oriented. One great member recently posted that, when dreaming, she actually 'sees' any verbal speech (from others in dream) projected onto a screen as written words. Wow! I'd like more WP inhabitants to post here and share their insights.

LabPet, your coworker is woefully ignorant. That must be so difficult for you. Your story made me very pensive.

When I was little I would have very long spans of not being able to speak and people would ask me if I could talk and all I could say in response was "talk". That went on for a couple of years - my mother's best friend didn't think I could speak at all. I agree, the word selective makes it sound as though the person is choosing to be silent which is not the case at all. They could really come up with a better word for it.

That is very cool.

When I think it words they appear as though typed. Even when I'm just having a conversation. The appear letter by letter very rapidly. When I let go of the words my mind gets airy and calm and the tension in my head goes away.

I like this thread, btw.