scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-1 Vaguely worried someone's managing me or playing head games, but it might just be paranoia from when people have lied to me in the past.

Perfectly 0

It's easier that way.

8.

Late dinner of toasted coconut battered prawns in the oven & a beer in my hand.

2 b/c of how I am feeling more 'well-adjusted' in contrast to the major tensions overnight..

for all my agnosticism, not too long ago I remember my younger brother asking me that if I die before him to promise not to haunt him as a ghost, >xD ..ah, how I laughed .

No clue, not great with numbers.

Oscillating -2 and 10.

-10

I am past the age where I can learn how to draw and write songs. I should've killed myself when I turned 18.

i never heard of an age where you can't learn. it's true that language acquisition is more difficult for adults, but i'm 62 and doing well in college. why do you think you can't learn?

+10, going without cigarettes....started pod vaping with nicotine salt juice and haven't had a cigarette in weeks. Sure still need nicotine but at least I can get it without killing my lungs. This is according to a heart surgeon who thinks vaping is just as effective as gum or patches....because the nicotine is not the part that kills it's the smoking. So he thinks as long as people get off burning tobacco that is a good step for their health. I mean its certainly easier to quit the smoking than to quit the nicotine I guess.

-5 Nearby building pounds music all night (midnight-8AM+) quite regularly and even if the cops are called they never do anything. Sleep is impossible. I daydream about throwing a brick through their window.

0

My mind keeps telling me so and the people I wanted to be like all started young and developed their talents.

The sentiment resonates with me in that at my worst I say self-hating things like "I don't deserve to live" due to not being as productive as I would like to be (in my mind) which only seems avoidable if by factoring what you said.

3:

Went to a meaningful Unitarian service, saw someone I already knew and felt comfortable in explaining my past experiences with organized worship after a service based on assertiveness, rights, developing safe spaces and 'brave' spaces.

I shouldn't feel ashamed by taking into account if the 'proctological related issue' with the family dog which I mentioned to my sister was 'solved' by her when I got back and was somewhat reprimanded for understating things which she couldn't have contacted me about b/c of how I was out earlier and my device was uncharged or low on charge during the time.

your mind is depressed so it's giving you bad info. do a little drawing or songwriting every day. schedule it in and stick to the schedule. you'll probably amaze yourself.

9 Naked in the Sun right now. Moving back home tonight. It’ll be nice to sleep in my own bed again. It’s been 5 months.

9 The day really turned around.