scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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What’s up?
Fox hugs

I'm at my brother's place temporarily.
I'm hurt and already was ashamed of my past relationship with my son's father.
I'm needing to find a place.
At least, I still have my section 8 voucher.
But, my brother and his wife are off and on trying to force me to deal with TV, and I just can't.
It's sets off some reaction. And at times can set off a chain reaction where I can have a tantrum or fit.
My sister-in-law called me a b***h and said it was disgusting when I was talking to my "baby daddy" on the phone 2 days ago. She's usually kind to me.
She thought I was trying to be intimate with him again, but most of the conversation was about custody, rehashing our past relationship, and what he's doing with his life and his wife (sorry to say) (They're separated, but seeing if they may get back together, apparently.), and my situation with my son and housing, and my sensitivities.

I admit I'm addicted to sex, but it's not like I'm going around begging for it. And, I'm doing all I can to be good for my son and be stable and have a place. It's just almost overwhelming. Plus, mental issues. It just really hurt.
And, hearing his voice again brought on past hopes and dreams deferred, and wondering why I wanted him to be w me when obviously he was supposed to be loyal to someone else. That's a whole other story though.
I woke up from a dead sleep and felt as if I needed to scream and almost clawed at my face before I called a hotline to calm down. Then, I told my mother my feelings in text.
I just feel so alone at times.

what makes you think you're addicted to sex? pls PM me.

I think it has to do with my uncle when my uncle groomed me as a teenager, meaning he showed me porn, gave me toys, told me how to do stuff to myself and others if I wanted, and even told me ways to look or act sexy. I was confused. I was just talking about my friend, and he changed the topic to boys and other.
I ended up being addicted with messing with myself because when I tried to stop, I couldn't, and then ended up being easy to persuade by boyfriends to do things.
I had a choice not to but started having sex for fun when I knew logically it was bad for me. Then, it became something I craved when stressed just like I was taught to do by my uncle with messing with myself to calm myself down when I got overwhelmed. I was caught in a cycle of looking for that or being preyed for it by men. It was on my mind a lot. I was very confused from my uncle and the porn for me was hard to get out of my head. He told me I could be a prostitute and stuff like that. In my mind, I was like 12 but I think I was older when it all started. I never used to even think of sex much at all. I didn't even know how it all worked. And, my mind can get fixated on subjects.

I didn't see the pm me.

I tried deleting the post above 5 times, I think.

All well.
If it's too much, I guess a mod can delete it.

Are you feeling better today?

A little bit.
Some of this is also that people keep believing I need to put my son up for adoption.

I just need time, help, and understanding.
And a place. A job.

I have resources. It's just finding a place, and being able to cope with my sensitivities.
And, therapy is probably essential.
I don't want to give my son away.

But, I don't trust my family either to have temporary custody.
I'm just waiting right now on something and options.

That’s horrible thing to suggest, is it your family if so I understand not trusting them.

Can you get on disability?

I understand I’d want to keep a kid if I had one.
Sounds tough, waiting . Do you have stuff to distract you from it?

This distracts me a little (writing on WP), and getting it out of my head by putting on here wether or not someone replies.

I've tried 4 times for disability. Denied because they think I can find a suitable job.

I gotta get off. My phone's close running out of power.

That’s good that it helps. I usually try to reply to people.

Took me few times I think. Had to go to court with lawyers I was a kid so I don’t remember well.

Hope you have a good nights rest.

6, I'd say. It's my day off and there's nothing that I have to do today; I can spend the day scrolling through the internet or working on my fictional story all day if I want to (and that's pretty much the plan.) It would be higher if a) it was warmer outside, for then I would actually want to go out for a long walk and that'd be good for my health b) if I had something (good) to actually expect from this day, like a new episode to some really good show or something and c) if the food waiting in my fridge was something better than I made yesterday.

10. I got to rest for 3 days and i'm ready To go to my job to be a useless dumb person again. I don't feel guilty about being useless either, society sucks so much anyway.

-10

I was told by someone she couldn't help me.

Last edited by Marknis on 07 May 2019, 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

-5. I really really hate this job

-8

-10

Why am I always the odd man out and always pushed to the wayside in social situations?