Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Dear you,

I laid my cards out on the table, because I felt that's the only way you'd play. Whether you chance another round or fold, I'm always game for another hand. I'm not in it for a gamble, as much as a camaraderie throughout. Just remember that we all take turns as dealer, unless we move to another table.

From,
Kenny Rogers

dear r~

i hope you're happy wherever you are. or at least better.
i'm not sure about anything but thanks for the insight you've given me to borrow.
i can't forget you, don't want to forget you. i live in those times. a small, warm, dark place inside of me is back there.
i'm doing well. you'd be proud. i would think.
i'm not doing what you did.

thanks for making me a part of your life. i love you.

me

Dear Husband and Mom,

Yes, I am acting like an Aspie. Why am I acting like an Aspie?? Because I am an Aspie.

If I told you that you were acting like a neurotypical in the same way that you tell me I'm acting like an Aspie, you would be EXTREMELY offended.

So why, precisely, is it that I'm supposed to immediately cease talking and not get upset??

Either admit that there are rules, that my existence breaks them, that I am subhuman and that I do not belong...

...or shut up and humor me as you expect me to shut up and humor you.

Pick a choice. I am sick and tired of playing this stupid game.

I do not, currently, understand how I could ever have been so stupid as to marry into this flying f*****g crock of s**t. I was young, I guess, and naive (make that foolish). I found someone who could at least stomach me as-is, and I was silly enough to hope that we would come to respect each other as we grew together.

Oh, to be as wise as I was when I was 21.

Yes, that's sarcasm.

ENOUGH, ALREADY.

Love,

The Aspie b***h

PS-- Honey, I understand that this is your mother, and this is a hard Christmas. But I SPECIFICALLY told you, before we planned this trip, that I did not want to spend New Year's Eve 1) on the highway, or 2) in a hotel room. If we're going to spend it in a hotel room, I would at least like to do something other than lie there, in the dark, with the TV on "mute," nastily shushing the kids if they speak above a carrying whisper. It may seem normal to you, but it makes me want to CRY.

I feel extremely selfish for re-asserting this fact as we decide when we are leaving, but I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND NEW YEAR'S EVE OUT WITH THE DRUNKS OR HIDING FROM THEM. I don't care if we're here, or at home, or in West Virginia. I just don't want to ring in another New Year standing outside a motel eating half-melted Popsicles from a seedy gas station, while trying to convince a 12-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 4-year-old that this constitutes A Happy New Year.

Come on-- my inbred, drug-addicted, PTSD-afflicted ignorant hillbilly relatives can plan better than THAT.

Dear M,

What is it that you want me to say?
Do you want me to say anything at all?
But I'll say what I feel.

I'd like to think I'm no longer blinded by the pursuit of defying my fate, defying myself and all that it implies.
I know deep down all I wanted was someone I could talk to.
I don't think I ever, really expected any more.
But I became greedy, since I wanted what everyone else was getting.
So I made a motley, haphazard mess of just wanting someone to listen to, and to listen to me.
You say "tomayto", but I say "tomarto".
I don't expect it to be any different.
My pride did, but not my true self.
I wonder why you still bother to tell me the things you do.
And why you haven't said a word direct to me.
It's ok if we don't ever find the words to say from now on.
I won't be upset or hold any ill feelings.
I hope you feel the same way.
I've been around the block enough to know, that all things good must come to an end.
This is a place to feel less lonely.
I'll try to see you just as one of the rest.
I like them, but not getting further acquainted with them doesn't bother me.
Ultimately though all doors are kept open, in you wanna come in.
But there's no reason to do so, if that's not what you want.
What do you want with me?
What do I want with you?
I now know what I wanted and should have said from the very beginning. "Do you want to be friends?"
But fear stopped it, and now we are where we are.
I suppose it's not possible to start again, and forget what's happened in between?
I wish it were.

Best wishes to you, and I hope yours all come true.

i_w_b

Dear Haven,

There are people who for some reason, enjoy using others, belittle them, ignored them, and cheating on them. Practically, doing all kind of bad things that I disapprove. You see, Haven, that's why I wouldn't those kind of individuals as friend, not even having them near me. Why? Because some weeks ago, I cut off contact with someone who turned out to be the personification of everything that I despise. Yes, haven, that one was really bad, but there's someone else who wasn't too nice either.

Lesson learned: If when you meet someone they come with very nice words-even with you want to be told-, stay away. Those are one of the worst. Don't believe those who come with very nice words. They're too good to be true for a reason. Dammit why it has cost me so many years to learn this? How many people ended up hurting me?
Let's see, the numbers are so...A lot. But, yes, haven, we can say we've made a new record. Hooray. Not.
Lesson learned: Grab this in your head. There's no good in everybody. Stop that. Their wrong actions show that they can't do any good.

I swear that I'll NEVER ever let anyone to mess around with me, nor bully me, nor attack me, nor humiliate me. I swear I will not let anybody to mistreat me, nor treat me bad in any way. As, God is my witness, I won't let anybody to hurt me again.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn26pEDEhyY[/youtube]

Dear Michelle Obama,

I want you in my life.

You deserve better, and I feel as if you need a man like me to satisfy you physically.

Sincerely,

StuffedMarshmallow.

And boom goes the dynamite. I thought I was cutting off my nose to spite my face, but guess not.

Dear grandmother,
Thank you for the box of chocolates, but the actual chocolates filled just under 20% of the box. And thank you for the money. I have no intention of spending it on clothes. Or makeup. I'm going to buy a book about military aircraft. And I'm not too happy about your plan for next summer. A whole day of clothes shopping? Trying on clothes? DRESSES? I never wear dresses! Or skirts! Especially not short skirts! I don't want to show off at parties, I want to hide. Not that matters, because I don't go to parties. Ever. My social life is almost nonexistent. I don't want a boyfriend. There is absolutely no chance of me accidentally getting pregnant. I have two real friends, and they aren't going to get me into trouble because they're genuinely nice people. Why did you suggest adding lemonade to wine at parties so I don't get drunk? Why not just drink less? Wine with lemonade?

Last week was wasted. I visited you and spent five days watching television, or lying in bed in the middle if the night waiting for you to turn it off so I could get some sleep. I HAVE HOMEWORK TO DO. And then you were shouting at someone for seven hours. Starting at MIDNIGHT. Then there was the food. Roast beef. For four days, getting more and more dried out each time. I did not enjoy my visit.

From Me

I am not going to start with "dear you" because quite frankly, I hate you.

You are the most insincere person I have ever met, you are so self absorbed that you can;t see anything else but yourself.
Your child is a little brat and he will grow up to be a complete as*hole. just because of you.

your fiance deserves better, and I honestly think he is afraid to leave you, that's why he is still there.

You make me want to move away from this country.

Dear you,

From me.

Dear Father,

Remember in the Spring of 1998 when you told me to shout out something and make it count? I joked to you that I was afraid to go poo, when that wasn't the case at all. I wish I would have told you that I had gender issues, I wished to be a man, I hated the way my birth gender was portrayed and I wanted a sex change so I could be the man that I am on the inside. I still feel that way today and it bugs me when you push me aside as a weak little handicapped female when I'm just as strong as you and my brother in law, Kenny if not maybe a bit stronger. I still wish to be a man, I still want the sex change operation, I don't appreciate being cast aside into the pink zone. I know what you're thinking, but if I want to walk around Langley looking like Mick Avory did in the Mid 1960s, let me. I feel no desire to look and be dainty and feminine. I will lose weight was well. I just won't force myself to be a sickly 125 lbs waif.

Mick Avory (I come close enough to him to go by that nick name).

I don't like you. You are an attention seeker. Most of your problems are created by you and you seem to enjoy having problems. You are simply a drama queen and you enjoy the attention of having disaster after disaster in your life. Would it really be so boring to just get on with your life like everyone else does? Seriously, you have a problem!

If you had two brain cells to rub together you could see that. You are as vacuous as deep space. Leave me alone. I do not want to be your friend. I hate how everyone thinks we should be friends. What enjoyment could I possibly get from spending any time in your presence? Are they blind and stupid? What in the world do they think we have in common?

I don't like you. You always complain about everyone and everything because nothing is as perfect as you think it should be. Newsflash - no one is perfect, nothing is perfect. Get over yourself! You will never find perfection. It does not exist. Of course you will be depressed and disappointed in yourself and others when they fall short of perfect. The reason is because you set the bar to high. Just accept the world for how it is and stop moaning to me about it. You just drag me down into the mire with you.

Leave me alone!

Dear Erin,

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for all of our thoughtful strolls that summer, the extremely awkward aspie-to-aspie conversations, and of course my terrible homemade cupcakes. I would never have imagined that three years of memories could disappear in such a short time. As painful as this is for me, I'm sure it must be even more painful for you. But we can get through this together, okay?
Here's to a fresh start.

Lillikoi

Dear You,

How was rehab?

Sincerely,

Me