TheTrueMayhem wrote:
Here's something for you all to laugh at.
So many people have betrayed me for no reason, in an utterly cruel and horrendous fashion. It is absolutely sickening to think about how people have stabbed me in the back, ranging from people I once thought were my closest friends, to one of the two girlfriends I have ever had in my whole life (I'm pathetic, I know), to even my own immediate family. Take for example the countless times my abuser of a "mother" has brought me to emergency rooms and lied about me to the nurses there, and of course, they lapped up every word of it. I can't even begin to go into detail about that little injustice.
The world is so full of hypocrites and sadists (often, the two categories overlap) that often I do ponder just ending it all. But then, from what I've seen with the unfortunate victims of themselves, who had the boldness to do something about their situation and end their lives (and, by extension, their suffering), there is a glorious celebration of laughter upon their demise, and they are the butt of a torrent of jokes and "memes". The weak and tormented are the laughing stock of humanity, it seems. Damned if I stay, damned if I leave. Either way is pain. The cruelty of man is present regardless. For me, peace is temporary and fleeting, and life is largely synonymous with pain.
My every method to try and heal my countless emotional wounds is regarded as "anathema" and incessantly stigmatized by this disgusting society. For example, the following: My music is s**t. I'm a poseur for enjoying this band. I have a disgusting fetish and am automatically a pedophile or pervert. I'm a worthless fa***t. The things I write are filth.
You see, every bridge to happiness and freedom is burnt, and every pathway to a better future is blocked off.
And God forbid I ever say anything about it! Ohhhhhhhhh, no. That would just make me a "butthurt p****"! Even more ammunition to use against me! As if my taking a stand about the torment that consumes my existence is some kind of unwarranted and unnecessary aberration! Or, better yet, I'm just butthurt, and people like it, and laugh at my pain and misery.
And yet, people just tell me to "let it go", and that "it only hurts [me] if [I] let it". I interpret that as the equivalent of a rape victim being told that she brought it all upon herself, and being denied any compassion and care. I'm sick of having my feelings invalidated, and being kicked in the teeth while I'm down by people who spew this new-age psychobabble filth with the intention of helping me, but actually coming across as more cruel and insensitive than they are caring.
Even on this very forum, and the other places on the internet where I attempt to take refuge from the punishing "real world", I see sickening, bombastically prideful, utterly pathetic "human beings" vomiting forth their cancerous opinions as if they were the absolute truth, and law punishable by death. It is completely vomit-inducing for me to see these closed-minded, self-appointed gods and bigots shove their lies and filth down people's throats and present them as the truth. I know I'm just a worthless, subhuman, statist commie bastard and a "bleeding heart" for caring this much. Ain't I a piece of s**t for having an ounce of compassion in my heart?
I doubt anyone will read this, but I think I deserve better. You probably disagree. I wouldn't be surprised if you did.
I actually took the time to read this, and I definitely see what you're getting at. It's hard to ignore other people's opinions sometimes, but all the f***heads who tell me that I need an attitude adjustment, or that I need to "grow up" are just that; f***heads. I don't have to listen to them, I just have to defiantly give them the finger and do my thing, do what's right for me. Other people can't run my life, as much as they try. I sometimes feel like a worthless waste of oxygen, especially when I'm around other people who reinforce that feeling for me, but from my perspective, THEY are the worthless ones. I may hate myself sometimes, and feel that I'd be better off if I was dead, but at least I'm stubborn enough to desire better things. People give stubbornness a bad name, but I think that a lot of great things have come out of it, and ultimately, I think it's the reason I'm still alive. I am who I am, and that's how I like it. f*****g sheeple can't tell me what to do, or what to think.
07 Jan 2015, 8:50 pm
