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scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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AnonymousAnonymous
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19 Nov 2019, 1:00 pm

6


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cathylynn
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19 Nov 2019, 2:05 pm

la_fenkis wrote:
I'm here. A big wave of pontlessness and futility hit me last night but it's rolled back a bit. Right now just thoroughly blegh.

0


so glad you're feeling better and hoping blegh also lifts.



la_fenkis
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19 Nov 2019, 5:49 pm

cathylynn wrote:
la_fenkis wrote:
I'm here. A big wave of pontlessness and futility hit me last night but it's rolled back a bit. Right now just thoroughly blegh.

0


so glad you're feeling better and hoping blegh also lifts.


I don't feel any better. There's still no hope, nothing I can do to change my circumstances or opportunities, of which there are none and will never will be ever again. A piece of me is in the process of dying. It's the kind of loss of hope that brings with it tightness in the chest and what feels like acid moving through my veins.



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19 Nov 2019, 6:41 pm

la_fenkis wrote:
A piece of me is in the process of dying.


You'd be surprised how many pieces of yourself you can lose and still endure. I've seen the old ladies that have lost everything at the mental hostels that I shared tables with, and they put big old "tough" Dill to shame. Their eyes contained more life than the suits walking the streets.

Perhaps knowing suffering truly is the key to fully living life, but then, that's only what I've seen. Psychiatrists will tell you other things (but not always, some have told me similar things, albeit with good balancing out the bad), and they're who you're supposed to listen to. I've seen a lot of dead eyes in psychiatrists, though; I understand why they might have them, as they see lots of people suffering, and that'd take a toll if you want to help others.



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19 Nov 2019, 8:22 pm

^ i agree. good to see ya again.

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19 Nov 2019, 9:18 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
good to see ya again.


Likewise, and it's good to see all of the familiar names around from back in the day (even though I've never been social with any of them, but it's good to see they're still alive and kicking and hopefully life has been going well for everyone).

Been on the path of the hermit the past few years for reasons, and I'm probably still there for all intents, but I have a connection here that'll always be there, and I like the Haven. The ASD journey has long finished (just a medical label in a folder with the other ones in the end), but that emotional journey is one that doesn't end., and it sometimes kicks you out of your shell.



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19 Nov 2019, 11:18 pm

0



Marknis
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20 Nov 2019, 12:41 am

-10

Clashed with my mother. Things are getting more and more toxic between us.



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20 Nov 2019, 3:19 am

-10 i dont know why I bother.


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20 Nov 2019, 5:22 am

auntblabby wrote:
^^^i'm glad you seem to be happier now. :flower:

A large smile directed towards auntblabby , ty :)


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20 Nov 2019, 5:23 am

Allergic again .. ugh...!


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20 Nov 2019, 3:54 pm

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20 Nov 2019, 4:28 pm

la_fenkis wrote:
cathylynn wrote:
la_fenkis wrote:
I'm here. A big wave of pontlessness and futility hit me last night but it's rolled back a bit. Right now just thoroughly blegh.

0


so glad you're feeling better and hoping blegh also lifts.


I don't feel any better. There's still no hope, nothing I can do to change my circumstances or opportunities, of which there are none and will never will be ever again. A piece of me is in the process of dying. It's the kind of loss of hope that brings with it tightness in the chest and what feels like acid moving through my veins.


(((la_fenkis)))



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20 Nov 2019, 7:29 pm

Don't know, really. I wish things were different. I wish things went differently. I wish things could change for the better for once. But, I'm happy enough all things considered (or perhaps numb; happiness and numbness are close enough), outside of some sadness and pain for life.

Kinda like the palm of my hand, really. It's numb, but when I touch it, it hurts. I'm sure there's a lesson there, but I'm not much of a palm reader.

Neutral/numb/0



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20 Nov 2019, 9:04 pm

-3

I'm battling two hopefully-short-term health problems at the moment, and on Friday, I have an event coming up that I'm really not looking forward to and that will almost certainly cost me even more sleep.



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21 Nov 2019, 2:01 am

-15


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