Suicide

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i do not feel affected by other peoples attitudes to me.

if i had a terminal disease, and i was nearing the end, then i would stay and see my life through like a captain stands on board his vessel and goes down with his ship. that means i would not kill myself but i would watch the inevitability of my demise draw nearer and hold on tight to a hope of life as i go down beneath the waves.

but if i was condemned to a life that i did not want then i would want to finish it.

if i was deaf and dumb and blind and quadruplegic and could not even feel tactile sensations, then i would be like a "brain in a vat", and if i knew that all my future experiences would be devoid of sensation then i would opt to die.

i can see how some lives are not worth living.
if they are suffering in a bleak outlook like final stage emphysema where every breath is a panicked gasp for a small amount of oxygen, and if their condition is doomed to get worse, then maybe it is time to go.
but i think if you can live with hope as long as you can through the agony of suffering a futile and laborious life , then it may benefit you if life goes on after death.

to just jump out of life because you are not happy or you are scared is a cheap option.
a cowardly option.

yes cowardly.

I have thought about it seriously a couple of times. To scared of it though and also if I were to do it what would people I wanted to care about me would say about me.

Its not very logical to do it really if you think it all the way through. You die then what? Another time of pain and suffering in an empty world? I think I would rather keep my family. Friends or not one day someone will like me. Just look at all the mixed up people in the world today.

hav attempted too manytimes think about it most days i hung myself and got cut down by a police man i got found ! i hav also overdoesed and now hav screwed up my liver function i still think about it i am now a failer at sumthing else trying to end everything god i hate myself soo much
i have depression
school was a horrid place for me
i have a eating dissorder
im unsupported struggling with no money and cant find a job

i am currently being reffered off to get therpy cause if sumthing dont get better then im out of this world

Some serious attempts from age 13 onwards, (not going to mention methods, don't want to be seen as promoting this) plus living in a way in which I thought I was virtually guaranteed to ensure I wasn't going to reach late 20's. I suppose what put it on hold was a couple of health issues at a time when I had things to live for (imminent liver failure due to obstructed bile duct...I didn't want to pass away bright yellow, also a breast cancer scare,)

Ufortunately, in my case I don't think the urge will ever be far away, particularly as I'm single and don't seem to succeed at anything worthwhile. I know it's a sick mindset, not normal and doesn't help anything but it seems to be just how I am.

I have to stick around for the sake of my son, it would be selfish to opt out and so I try not to think about it even though I caught myself wondering if AS would be grounds enough to go to Dignitas in Switzerland.

Ive attempted suicide, but it wasnt the right thing to do. Its best to ask someone to kill you FOR you.

I attempted once when I was 17 - I did plan it out quite carefully and carried it through at a time when I wasn't feeling my worst (and therefore quite clear-headed), but it failed and noone found out (despite the fact that the number of pills I took should have killed me). Later I attempted again by the same method when I really felt bad, and unplanned I couldnt swallow a single one, so don't really count this as an attempt. At that age I didnt really think of the impact on my family and didn't really care if I died or not, although the second time I couldn't bear living with the pain. At 17 I didn't have a lot of privacy, knowledge (preinternet) or means available to me, and I have always had a horror of any method that, if failed, leaves me worse off than before - that is not worth the risk, so I was a bit stuck when the pill swallowing didn't work.

During my second depression I thought about it a lot. I had two methods - a fast albeit probably painful and unpleasant one (but failsafe if carefully carried out) for a time when pain was unbearable and irreversable, and a second method which I much prefered - took several days the way I planned it, but would give me an opt out at any time, and no severe consequences if I inadvertantly survived. I almost put it into practise at one point, but didn't in the end. The pain was as bad, but maybe more familiar. I had developed a fear of death after my initial attempts which also put me off (didn't want to live but didn't want to die either) and concerns for my family, although all this would have been overridden if things got really bad. At the end of my depression life lost all meaning for me and my fear of death disappeared but I had no energy to do anything about it.

Since then, albeit no longer depressed, I constantly think about suicide, although I no longer have a method. I don't (and never have) felt glad I didn't die the first time, unlike most people. Overall my general impression is that life probably isn't worth it and on balance I would have chosen not to be born (this thought is fairly new - before, my ego was too big to like the idea of never having existed, but now my sense of self has diminished quite a lot), although I am enjoying life quite a lot at the moment. Partly though BECAUSE I've given up caring. I find the idea of suicide a bit of a comfort - I am not alone in this, have read it about depressives elsewhere. The idea that it is possible to give up at any time makes it easier to keep going. If suicide was impossible it would become unbearable. This is one reason why I have decided I don't want kids - if I did I would have the responsability of looking after them which would take away my freedom to die. (In addition, I don't want a kid to end up like me, wishing they had never been born, never mind the pain of anything happening to them).

My current enjoyment of life focusses on my physical health and fitness (swimming and particularly walking), my work and my social/home activities (music in addition to people) - about a third each way. If I became paralysed for example, it would destroy a huge amount of my enjoyment in life, together with my independance which is also paramount (I hate relying on other people). To me this is unacceptable. Because my life philosophy (partly because of my depressions) is that life is not valuable unless enjoyable, I would have no hesitation in committing suicide in this case (and I hope I would be able). I know most people do not, but I personally do not see the point in living such a life. Some people may say this is cowardly (presumably people who have never seriously tried killing themselves or lived through a period of life being completely meaningless), but I honestly don't care - living just to fit someone's idea of bravery is ridiculous, once I am dead, other people's judgements are completely irrelevant to me (in fact they are irrelevant anyway). Similarly with terminal illnesses - I would prefer to die on my own terms - place and time, than wait as I gradually lose everything I value in life and probably end up dying in hospital. In fact, unless I die in an accident or sudden illness, I actually hope that I will end up dying by my own means (although I would prefer a painless method) because this is an ultimate expression of liberty to me (my ideal would be drifting off to sleep alone outside on a warmish day, insects buzzing softly around me). Of course, this type of rational euthanasia is quite different from an impulsive suicide, and as I have got older I am losing my inhibitions (which were crippling before) and it is not impossible that a more impulsive suicide does happen, particularly as nowadays my brain seems unable to take intense mental pain and starts losing touch with reality rather easily, but I will only regret it if it fails and I end up losing even more quality of life. I've read about people with lifelong crippling depression who are also paralysed and permanently with other people, whose lives are constant pain, who try to kill themselves at every opportunity but are always doomed to failure as they have no independence. That seems to me the worst possible nightmare, and it is horrific that they are condemned by our society to live a life of torture.

I resent other people putting their value judgements of life onto my life (or the lives of others). We have evolved to think of life as important (obviously - those like me who don't, don't make it to reproduction), but that doesn't mean that life IS important. I enjoy most aspects of my life at the moment, but suicide will never be far from my mind - for internal more than external reasons now (although external past reasons obviously influenced my current state). I'll be here as long as I enjoy it, and when I have had enough I will go.

I overdosed to the extent that I was told my chances of survival where not good, but I don't think it was a suicide attempt.

My mother was taking her sister to live in a nursing home. My aunt would have nothing to do with it, and so died in the car enroute there. She had an extreme aversion to such places, and was being carted there against her will. She rather chose death. I always considered my aunt to be exceptionally wise, and her final act served to reinforce that belief.

Then there was Paramahansa Yogananda, who supposedly exited his body at a time of his choosing, thereby achieving Mahasamadi...And Elijah..wasn't he carried up in a whirlwind never to return, having already passed his mantle on to Elisha? Some would say he achieved his ascension.

Being able to make one's passage, at a time of one's own choosing, seems to ensure a certain dignity in one's departure. Not to mention a great, or absolute, degree of control over the situation.

Now why should we *not* want to exercise control over our time and place and manner of death? Arguably, one's death is the most intimate and personal event of one's entire life... And whatever an individual decides regarding that event---is his/her business only, and no one else's.

A troubling issue for me........ tried once when 23, ......on the brink when about 37......too close for comfort..... I still shudder when I revisit the last time in my mind.


Suicide often runs through my mind. The aspie part of life is difficult enough but now that my latest relapse of Chronic Fatigue is soooo baaad that I'm not only housebound, (not necessarily a bad thing), but I'm mostly restricted to bed for all but a few hours a day....and that means that I can't do anything, not even read.....

I feel like a burden to my partner who is self employed and then has to cook and have an inactive "me" to deal with...... when I'm this ill I'm very irritable and incapable of being help.....I get so frustrated with myself and feel so guilty at being a burden that I'm often tempted to end it all........I'm still trying to fight these thoughts as they truly frighten me.
There is no point telling anyone as I don't think I will be taken seriously and in truth I don't believe anyone can help .......I'm not clinically depressed, I have plenty I want to do and achieve....no problem with motivation..... just with crap health preventing me from getting on with my life as best I can.

This is the first time I have heard of CFS, and I have just done a little reading about it. Even though I do not have suicidal thoughts, there are times I would not mind at all if my life ended. I do not know what to say to encourage you, but I would certainly like to try ... so please know I care and that I hope this might help a little.

I'm an attempter: 4-5 times many years ago when I was a teenager, although my most recent attempt was just a few months ago... but admittedly, they were all very poor attempts and most I backed out of before any point of no return was reached... I was just too chicken to finish it. None were for attention or anything, nobody but a few select friends and now you guys even know they happened.

For me, it's always feeling like a failure, like I'm good for nothing and exist only to screw up and let people down. It's also my home life; my parents are religious fundamentalists who thinks all problems in life come from sins and lack of prayers, and they deny such things like Asperger Syndrome even exist even though it fits me so well, they think I should just simply "snap out of it" and choose to live a normal life like everyone else, ignoring all of the limitations that I know exist but nobody else seems to believe it but me (and again the people here who know them as well). I always seem most suicidal on Saturday nights (like tonight, hence my attraction to this post), but what keeps me from going through with it is simply that I have such complex plans and arrangements I want to go along with my death; personal letters to family and friends, a will, dying in some sort of symbolic or meaningful way, something like that, my plans seem different every time and fortunately I've always been much too lazy to even begin taking on such a huge task to prepare for my death... and when I'm non-suicidal which is about 97% of the time, obviously there's no motivation to do any of that stuff either. A friend of a friend committed suicide a couple months ago, and they were all sad but were also speculating heavily about why he did it, what drove him to go through with it. I don't want any of that for me; I want everyone to know exactly why I did it.

Maybe I'm just more afraid of dying meaninglessly than I am of living, although I'm more afraid of living than of dying. I dunno, my urge for it seems to have worn off early tonight, so now I can't view myself from that perspective anymore to elaborate further, now I'm just left with a lesser hatred of my life, but most of all just want to sleep and hope I can have happy dreams so I can wake up tomorrow morning not thinking this way anymore.

I have never seriously considered suicide. Im an athiest, so i believe nothing spiritual happens after you die, your just a rotting carcass. I might consider suicide if i had lost both my legs and an arm though.

I think about it from time to time and think about what might happen when I'm dead. I think about who I would leave behind and how it would impact them. So I do think about it but I've never attempted it and I don't plan on it. However, I have a lump somewhere on my body and don't even bother to get it checked out because I don't care. It maybe something, it maybe not. Nevertheless, that would be the easiest way to commit suicide by having a disease do it for me.

would wanting to right now count?

I think about it just about everyday, but wish someone would just kill me first. I havn't hurt enough yet to try. The job recession has made my feelings worse. My family might greeve for a while, but in the end it would benifit them, for sure. They would finally have a number of things they wanted all my failed life.

ive thought about it, but then thinking about the after effects, complications, and fact that id have no more life left gets me.

when my friend told me he seriously was considering it, i burst out crying! it breaks my heart that wonderful people have actually tried it.