I'm dead.

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You know, I watched Lethal Weapon for the first time in about two years last night. Felt alot of empathy with Mel Gibson's character. For a bit, the blues went away, and I'm not a wreck like I was a few days ago.

Do you want help or do you want understanding?

I see how quickly people are to give advice and "help", and you hate it. You wish they would just listen sometimes.



Agreed. People say this a lot, but in reality they don't know if everything will be ok. How do you trust people who are that presumptuous? I don't blame you if you don't.

This is what I've learned along the way, and it sucks: most people don't understand you, fail to listen, and when they do they only listen to what they want to hear.

I hope what I've said here doesn't help.

Why look for meaning, love, and understanding where there is none?

I'm pretty new to this forum but I've been in your shoes. I nearly killed myself in 1987 and felt just like you describe. I kept going and eventually the fog cleared and I met someone and fell in love and things started to change.

Yes, why LOOK for meaning, love and understanding.. instead CREATE it.
You have a choice to live one way or the other either way.
Change your environment and it should help but don't expect for sweeping changes all at once.
Good luck.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0[/youtube]

That was a rather clever - and pointless - response
Good luck

I'd say not necessarily, you can perhaps go on a year, two, or three thinking like that. At some point your subconscious will allow you to let go of it and you'll be forced, mainly by your own restlessness, to take on thing you never would have thought possible. I spent ages 11 - 19 heavily medicated, many suicide attempts back in highschool, firmly believed I'd be in assisted living. Rock bottom is a place you can hit but regardless of how deep the isht seems its very difficult to remain there in any logistical sense.

Eventually you'll find yourself testing your own limits, figuring out how you learn best vs. how you don't, and in that process you may see a lot of opportunity that you never would have realized existed. Really its just par for the course though. Life changes.

I'm never happy. I always hide my depression from others.

This kind of thinking has crossed my mind before and I thought it through and I have identified as a culprit the evil influence of Social Darwinism that's everywhere, telling people that they don't have the right to exist... I say that the Social Darwinists are scum and that this influence must be stamped out. It's a task that I can't do myself but I can only tell everyone how much I hate Social Darwinism and want it to be destroyed. It takes all sorts to make a world and it's the fault of the evil people who run society that so many important people are told that they are worthless whilst thieves and swindlers are celebrated, terrorists and celebrated, traitors are celebrated.

After I spoke of another work-related horror story to someone I asked him if I'm just sick and he said "no, it's not you, the world is sick", and well look around, it's disgusting... it's not your fault!

I believe it will stop the day we can reach in and 'correct' people's genes (well, at least only so long as such changes would translate into offspring). Until then I really believe this is the gene pool expressing itself and nothing else will either stop natural selection or the social moors we've built in to stop people down, remind them that their inferior, all in hopes that it keeps them from procreating.

This is not the time to rant about Social Darwinism.

Evolution is not the issue here!

I'll agree any day of the week that its failing miserably. However I'm pretty certain that pettiness, et. al of the root problems stem from it.

This is a psychological assitance forum. If you want to rant on the dangers of Social Darwinism, go to PRP.

Everybody is saying the same thing. Nothing's helping. My "psychiatrist"(more like drug dealer) has me on Invega, which is normally meant for schizophrenics.

I felt the same way when I first experimented with psychedelics.

I realized that the world and society we currently live in is a complete joke.

Why should I be governed by a handful of people?

Why should I have to work 40 hours a week to live, and spend that excess currency on useless s**t?

Everything before currency was invented was free, why can't it be now?