taking over me

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i am offically burning myself out now i have so much to think about and torch 3 is getting more chaotic. i also feel like i don't know who i am anymore like i lost myself somewhere along the line, it might have something to do with the fact that xemnas is going through hell right now, so far he went balistic destroyed, black ink, and is now considered deadly by socity, and dark his creator can no longer protect him from this and has decided to dissmantle him cell by cell.

integra has brought him to her world and is now safe keeping him in hellsing [the building] in order to perserve his life, believeing that he is not as dangrous as people say, he threatens her one morning after accusing her of using him because of a call he got from unknown, she shoots him to calm him down, after healing himself [his body heals itself automaticly he has no curing powers] marluxia who as lost it back at torch2 [the city] walks in with a message from saix.

next xemnas gets his heart taken away from him so he can't get angry to that point again.

dark and unknown are mine so you know.

i'm not sure what significance that little retelling has to do with the way i feel but i was started was i was fine and happy and as i wrote it gets worse and worse.
xemnas seems to take a ton of abuse do to being the favorite, amazing second fav saix only got out with one recontstruction, one death, and a few hospital stays, xemnas....... you don't want to know what he's been through and i lost track of half of it anyway, marly gets away with minor cuts and bruises and one, count of burning half his skin off, also he he now has a twin that split off of him. i'm a sick person but i tend to feel better after directing things on the characters of the story and just about all have had their taste of what i can dish out including D.C. and jetfox my split personalities, D.C. has died at least twice and has got banged up pretty good, jetfox has lit up like a christmas tree at least once [her left side is completely robotic the story behind that is nasty enough as it is].

but i am now losing everything to this story, i know i should give it up [the withdrals will be brutal though], but i want to keep it so bad even though it's destroying me, i haven't made a sim in weeks now and i know if i force myself to i'll just end up frusterated.

also i seem to just get angry more often over some of the littlest things like anything that disturbs my story in any way, i used to have patince but that is just going away and i'm getting more and more frusterated to do productive things on my computer. if i tell my mom she will say it's not true only because any anger is internalized and hardly ever shows up.

and now after all that i have a splitting headache, and tuesday more headaches come because once again some useless person cannot operate a simple computer and dropped another computer related problem on me, due to the fact that i'm frusterated with my own computer and miscellaneous things i have to do on it that are my own tasks which are as simple as converting a video to avi format, to make page two for a sims comic i started or finishing the top half of my sim roxas. i also got pics that need to be digitally inked and colored i finished one and have 3 to go. so do to this their is no way in hell and back that i'm picking the crap someone dropped for me, i'm already frusterated and burned out as it is.

oh and this is not an insomnia induced rant i slept from 11 till 9 this time but my sleep is getting worse and worse, i tend to get 2 nights of good sleep then 1 night of bad rinse and repeat.