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Why do people bully?

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werbert
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27 Aug 2006, 3:19 am

BelaLugosi wrote:
About comebacks. Are you people crazy?! We're Aspies for God's sake! Anything we try to throw back at someone will back fire. Example, if one says, "Your only doing that because you fancy me" Everyone will say YOU fancy THEM, not vice versa. Aspies have no real counterwit. That said, I am not willing to be bullied, or let any other Aspie be bullied! There must be some way to stop this, but it isn't comebacks!


There is, but it wasn't too well-received at Columbine High.



CockneyRebel
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30 Aug 2006, 10:46 pm

People bully to see if they can get a reaction. If the Target (I hate the word, Victim) ignored the Bully, or laughs at them, the bullying will stop. If the Bully gets a reaction, they will keep on pecking at the Prey.



AmyRose
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30 Aug 2006, 11:26 pm

wobbegong wrote:
they pick you because they get such a good reaction.

If you just say that's a cruel and heartless thing to do, and it's not funny and walk off without chucking a temper tantrum or demanding justice, or you just plain ignore it (not always easy I know). Pretending to be deaf could be interesting. The bullies get bored after a while. They will look for someone else who gives them a better reaction.

Humiliating them also works. If you have some snappy comeback line that makes them look like the evolutionary rejects they are in front of lots of people, that can help. I think that's why I got left alone pretty much at school. A combination of not reacting at all as expected, and humiliating anyone I was sure was a problem. Haven't you got anything better to do? Is your brain too tiny to come up with something? Do you need some help with your homework? And the absolute killer - from a girl to a guy "you're only doing that because you have a secret crush on me".

It's part of establishing a "pecking order". They peck you so you will move to the bottom of the pecking order and they move up.

Which makes them no better than hens really.

This article explains it quite well
http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

CockneyRebel wrote:
People bully to see if they can get a reaction. If the Target (I hate the word, Victim) ignored the Bully, or laughs at them, the bullying will stop. If the Bully gets a reaction, they will keep on pecking at the Prey.

Sorry if this seems rude, but that BS doesn't work. I tried it for an entire year, and they still continued. The principals/headmasters need to do something about them instead of punishing me for not ignoring it. My parents were both peeved at the principal for always targeting me instead of the source of the problem.

In fact, it just made the bullies worse--they got louder and more interested in fistfights.



wobbegong
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31 Aug 2006, 12:29 am

I'm just saying what worked for me.

I don't know why it didn't work for you.

I still think if you can make a bully's life worse if they pick on you and easier if they leave you alone, they will leave you alone.

Going to the principal and demanding justice - doesn't work and does make things worse. Once you do that, you will be confined to the library duing all breaks in lessons. However if the bully has been bullying a lot of kids and they want it to stop and are prepared to say so, then going to the principal may help - but only if the bully gets expelled.



AmyRose
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31 Aug 2006, 12:42 am

wobbegong wrote:
I'm just saying what worked for me.

I don't know why it didn't work for you.

I still think if you can make a bully's life worse if they pick on you and easier if they leave you alone, they will leave you alone.
It makes them more and more willing to resort to violence.

wobbegong wrote:
Going to the principal and demanding justice - doesn't work and does make things worse. Once you do that, you will be confined to the library duing all breaks in lessons. However if the bully has been bullying a lot of kids and they want it to stop and are prepared to say so, then going to the principal may help - but only if the bully gets expelled.
That is NOT the way it should work. My parents and I agree that the principal is responsible for handling this.



wobbegong
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31 Aug 2006, 1:34 am

If the bullies are violent - you can get the police involved.

If the principal was competent - you wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.



violet_yoshi
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31 Aug 2006, 11:49 am

wobbegong wrote:
If the bullies are violent - you can get the police involved.


I thought the law didn't exsist within the confines of a school. If it did, half the students would be in trouble from harrassment to physical assault.


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snake321
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02 Sep 2006, 11:55 pm

Most NTs who aren't knowledged about autism are still living in sociological tribal code, dominance issues, stimulation whores.... Autism isn't a disability so much as it is evolution. Not saying there aren't any good NTs, but I think we're evolving. Evolving out of the elitist heirarchy that is the sociological law of NT society. It's all about dominance and status with these kinds of people.



wobbegong
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03 Sep 2006, 10:13 pm

The police sure get involved when kids start pulling knives (or guns) out. They don't like to get involved. The principal should be dealing with it but if the principal is not, you have right to be safe at school. So ring the police, and if they won't help, inform your political representatives, and if they won't help, phone the media. This will work better if you have some really good bruises to show off. I'm thinking if you don't, then maybe the violence is imaginary / bluff? Consider doing self defence classes, or Martial Arts too, but don't brag about it.

As for harrassment - we're back to how you react. Don't react. Harrassment at work is a different kind of problem - because it involves your pay - and you need your pay to get by and you should have the same opportunities at promotions and stuff (if you're working hard) as everyone else. Of course this tends to work better in the public service, or if you start your own company and work for yourself.