I hate aspergers.

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I think you guys are being defeatist. Did I suck at socializing? Heck yes I did. I nearly lost my "social life" in high school. But then I turned my pain into art., and I began to express how I felt. And finally, I stopped trying to be like most people. Most people are cowards, heavily insecure, and plenty of them feel the same feelings you guys feel. They may have all these friends but deep down they hate their lives because they're frauds. Do I have many friends? No I don't but the friends I do have are f*****g CLOSE to me. At 22 I've probably had the same social life as most people my age, because I didn't throw in the towel. Did I get all the p**** or ass I could have possibly gotten? Probably not but that's not how I measure my life. The problem you guys have is that you're trying to be someone that you absolutely cannot be. You're trying to evaluate your lives based upon the standards of others. Trust me, it's no more special to be surrounded by a bunch of people than it is to be pining away your time playing WOW or something. As much as AS may suck sometimes, and yes sometimes I f*****g hate it, it doesn't mean you have to give up on life entirely. I didn't think I was smart when I was young. I got terrible grades and "envied" the smart kids. Well what I did was figure out what they were doing. I figured out their "formula" so to speak and about 5 years later suddenly I was to "gifted" one. I kept pushing myself and pushing myself and suddenly I was a "genius". Will I ever be as good at socializing as most people? Heck no, but if you stop trying, if you give up then you thrown away any chance that you might get what you want. The greatest benefit of having AS is being able to think for yourself, being totally unhinged from the social expectations and blazing new trails for others to follow. At the end of the day, once you have attained all that is holy with respect to NT's, I bet you won't think it's that special after all. I find NT's to be very repressed, desperate people.

Hey.. now... I do this....

** there I go again...

im 54 and just recently put the puzzle together on why my life didnt go as planned... and realised I am an aspie.. yes it messed up my social life, yes ive struggled all those years, BUT,, because i DIDNT have all the trappings and ties that NTs wind up in, ie,, marriage, kids, spouses,, etc.. I have a freedom,, Ive been places and done things a lot of normals dream about,, I have time to induldge in continued learning,, Ive learned now to be normal enough to hold down a job..there IS life after an aspergers diagnosis,, it just wont be a typical life but after looking and chatting with NTs on the web and in real life, I far prefer my aspies life, MUCH more interesting and free... look at the positive sides of this,, you young ones. Im at peace now about who I am and what I am,, and excited about making a future compatable with being an aspie and NOT trying to be something Im not all the time.

Wow! You've said exactly how I feel about my life with AS! Yes, AS is such a miserable thing to have, it really does spoil things in life, and it prevents us from enjoying ourselves, unless you are a type of Aspie who doesn't mind not fitting in, etcetera.

It makes me feel miserable because I am not that good at socialising, yet I want to do it at the same time. I can't even enjoy vacations because I feel obliged to socialise. None of my friends will go away on holiday with me, and all my cousins are into going out to bars and drinking except me, and my older relatives say they have social phobia but then the next minute they're off engaging in conversations with strangers, whether they drink or not. So all that makes me feel miserable. Plus no matter how much I smile, make eye contact, and try to make small talk and do all the other right social moves, I still seem to give off this vibe saying ''f**k off, I'm unsociable''. People say I should join clubs where I can meet other Aspies and then I can do things with them like going on vacations, but I don't think it's as simple as that. I've been to clubs before where I was supposed to meet different people similar to myself, and it didn't really work out. I was too shy to talk to people, nobody really talked to me, and I just gave up in the end, and found I made more friends at work than I did anywhere else, and the people are work are NTs.

Dude.

I can sympathize with you on most of that.

But the best years of your life are NOT coming to an end. I'm 34; though with a spouse and 4 kids I sometimes miss my freedom, I DO NOT miss my adolescent years. I wouldn't do 'em again if someone paid me to go back and make different choices, knowing then what I know now.

Adolescence blows. Adulthood is better.

I don't hate Asperger's. I just wish I didn't have it...

OP, are you my twin?! I feel the same way, especially about not having any of the positive traits of asperger.

I know i hate it too. My family even hates it too. I remember growing up thinking it was cool to be different and accept myself and stand out or I was above the rest no matter what everyone else said. My father told me otherwise though. He was fedup with having to repeat things, give me step by step directions, or bend over backwards and get nothing in return and usally saying ret*d or freakazoid under his breath when he walked away. I wanted to be him so badly (still do) i started acting like him and got better results and comments about myself. I hate it when people say "Aspergers makes me who I am" Does that mean I would have no soul with out it? I am always under so much stress because im so afraid people will find out. I cant accept myself. I had no self confidence. I will always have a good run and then something comes and kills it. Even worse my biggest fear is being That guy in the back by himself who only is friends who isn't even worthy to hang out with the freaks and queers. I could see myself everyday going down the other road becoming smart and not caring about other people's thoughts of me and possibly succeeding but that would not be me. Then I have the path I chose which was fitting in no matter how miserable i felt. I have to lie to feel good about myself and so I will be accepted in public. I haven't met the real me and I dont think im ready to any time soon. Infact I want to keep the real me far away from me as possible.

I hate that I can't support myself, I am stuck on disability payments despite having worked for years trying to find some way of earning money, but I can't earn money. Can't hold down a job because of aspergers. Can't use my college degree. That's what sucks the most about it. It also sucks that I can't have a girlfriend, but most women aren't worth dating anyway. Basically, if a woman is still looking for a date at 38 she's damaged goods. Or she's cheating, and I don't like cheaters. But I decided long ago that most NTs are pricks who will tell you one thing to your face, act all nice, then tell their friends something else behind your back. Socializing isn't worth it. I'm happy having no friends. I wish there was a job where I could just come in, do it well, then leave, and not have to worry about office politics, but most jobs they want you to "fit in" which means playing their stupid NT social games that not only can't I play but that I have no desire to play. Americans just play social games at work all day instead of WORKING. And the bosses LIKE it! No wonder we're headed for third world status. If work was about work instead of pissing contests, I might have a chance. But no, you have to "fit in". I wish America was still an industrial powerhouse, I'd love to work in an old style factory, do one thing all day and not have to socialize and get paid well. That's what sucks the worst about AS, the fact that I can't work.

I have low self-esteem too, but I can't blame all my problems on my Asperger's Syndrome. I've seen way too many aspies who didn't let their disorder ruin their lives to accept that it necessarily leads to failure. If anything, most of the stress in my life comes less from autism itself than how people react to it. Take special interests for example. The interests do no harm by themselves, and indulging in them by myself definitely feels good. It's only when peers complain about my obsessive tendencies that the s**t hits the fan. If I didn't give any crap at all about social affiliation, I would probably enjoy my life a lot more. Honestly, the main reason I have to care at all is because our capitalistic societal organization demands our subordination to elites, and that will only cause problems as long as capitalism persists.