Rant about bf's bipolar disorder

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He got remeron, which is an antidepressant and a medicine against itches (don't ask me how). If this doesn't work within a week, the period it needs to begin working, he'll get electroconvulsive therapy. I talk to him everyday.

And I have been dumped only for a night! when he agreed with me, he thought it meant "complete relationship, just seeing each other less". I saw him today, it's 99% sure going to be ECT.

If he gets ECT, expect him to develop bizarre lapses of memory and may seem a little "out of it", kind of like trying to run something complex by him while waking up...except he may be like that for a lot of non-complicated things (and at ant time of day) for weeks. There may be things that are important or emotionally special that you may have to fill him in on again, though he will regain a lot of it back eventually but likely more than a few memories will be gone for good.

Is he in the hospital right now?

I've been in your shoes twice (and respectively they've had to put up with me twice, though i haven't exactly been manic as of recent)

Regardless of how much you love him or how much he loves you that selfish, destructive & insecure behavior from him has no place in a relationship. Respecting one's issues or various illnesses can only go so far, nobody deserves that kind of psychological torture or disrespect. I know you love him and don't want to lose him, but try to keep in mind the more you allow this kind of short-tempered behavior the more of it you'll see. I know how hard it is to hold it back because of that sort of fear, or how hard it is because of the broken record excuse of "I can't control it" it's just something to keep in mind, you never deserve that kind of treatment from anybody, especially not in a relationship.

At least he's acknowledging the fact he needs help, though.

I didn't have the energy for a while to reply. College work has been lacking and I often find myself wandering throught he city center feeling bad, but feeling even worse being at home. The medicines aren't working, I don't know when he will have the electroconvulsive therapy. He's not in hospital, he's at home and I'm there now, at least it seems he's able to take enough care of himself.

Sweet Pea hugs

It will be lithium. No ECT. He spoke to his psychiatrist today who now thinks lithium is better, because ECT brings considerable memory loss and is only worth it when he's in a state that either leads to death or catatone, which is apparently not the case anymore.

Last edited by YourMajesty on 15 Oct 2012, 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I often feel miserable myself and really miss who he once was.

My recent ex bf has bpd too. He dumped me last Thursday, he gave his two weeks notice Wednesday and quit his job. He had stopped taking his meds a little after I moved to college. He had sent me this the day before and it made me worry:

I've dated like 2 people who lasted a longtime, Alice, and Ebony. Ebony f**ked me up a lot and life hasn't been the same since. I lack emotional feelings, I can't understand compassion anymore. I have no moral support. My life seems to be sitting on a edge of a cliff, and ready to just jump. My mom seems to think I treat everyone like s**t and I probably do, I won't ever know if I do because I don't understand the concept of it, and probably never will. People easily piss me off and I hold back so much I tend to just let it go on all the wrong people. I'm stressed all the time and have been since I was child I have stress marks on my back to prove it, I have a job I quit yesterday because I'd rather live like a total loser like the rest of C-wall cause apparently that's the way everyone lives now a days. No matter what I do now or later I won't ever be able to live a normal life, so I'm just gonna quit while I'm ahead. Bye

Then I guess I bugged him too much and he had enough with me so he said too much, I'm done. He changed the relationship status then unfriended me... I txt him sometimes but his comments are always sarcastic, mean or suicidal. I took it hard. I always take break-ups hard.
He did seem much better on his meds. I miss him. I just think the way I handled it was not the best. I feel like talking to him after our breakup just made things worse. He threatened that I was "harassing" him so I stopped txting him. He escapes to his video games. He says he can take his anger out by blowing stuff up. He's done a lot of ret*d stuff. I just don't know what to do anymore so I'm letting him go. I don't think we'll ever get back together. I just don't fall back in love with people. Maybe eventually he will be better after he gets his s**t together... Or he ends up being a loser stuck in C-wall...

Last edited by Tarralikitak on 15 Oct 2012, 10:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My recent ex bf has bpd too. He dumped me last Thursday, he gave his two weeks notice Wednesday and he had stopped taking his meds a little after I moved to college. He had sent me this the day before and it made me worry:

I've dated like 2 people who lasted a longtime, Alice, and Ebony. Ebony f**ked me up a lot and life hasn't been the same since. I lack emotional feelings, I can't understand compassion anymore. I have no moral support. My life seems to be sitting on a edge of a cliff, and ready to just jump. My mom seems to think I treat everyone like s**t and I probably do, I won't ever know if I do because I don't understand the concept of it, and probably never will. People easily piss me off and I hold back so much I tend to just let it go on all the wrong people. I'm stressed all the time and have been since I was child I have stress marks on my back to prove it, I have a job I quit yesterday because I'd rather live like a total loser like the rest of C-wall cause apparently that's the way everyone lives now a days. No matter what I do now or later I won't ever be able to live a normal life, so I'm just gonna quit while I'm ahead. Bye

Then I guess I bugged him too much and he had enough with me so he said too much, I'm done. He changed the relationship status then unfriended me... I txt him sometimes but his comments are always sarcastic, mean or suicidal. I took it hard. I always take break-ups hard.
He did seem much better on his meds. I miss him. I just think the way I handled it was not the best. I feel like talking to him after our breakup just made things worse. He threatened that I was "harassing" him so I stopped txting him. He escapes to his video games. He says he can take his anger out by blowing stuff up. He's done a lot of ret*d stuff. I just don't know what to do anymore so I'm letting him go. I don't think we'll ever get back together. I just don't fall back in love with people. Maybe eventually he will be better after he gets his s**t together... Or he ends up being a loser stuck in C-wall...

I know all too well the difficulties of relationships where one person is an Aspie and the other is bipolar. For years, I've known that my best friend had OCD; just this year, however, she was also officially diagnosed with bipolar II. She's had a very difficult time adjusting to the diagnosis over the past few months. At first, she was so upset by the diagnosis and the prospect of being on medication for the rest of her foreseeable life that I think she went into a long period of denial-- which, of course, did not help anyone, least of all her. I suspect she knew that all along... but apparently, her manic periods feel so good to her that she didn't want to come down, even though she's admitted that she's prone to dangerous and reckless behavior when she feels that way. More recently, she's come to accept the diagnosis as ringing true, but that just opens the door to the next difficulty, which is the long and painful process of figuring out the right dosage of the right medication. Off medication, her emotions are a rollercoaster; on it... well... I'm not sure. She doesn't seem to have found the right thing to stabilize her yet. And as you might expect, for an Aspie like myself who thrives on predictability and constancy, this can be very troubling as well.

This has been a very difficult year for her. Substance abuse is apparently startlingly common among those with bipolar disorder, and she's had her share of problems with that. Earlier this year her then-boyfriend introduced her to meth (something which really made me want to punch him in the face). Luckily she was able to dump him and get clean before the problem became too serious for her to recover from it. She also attempted suicide, to a degree that she was frighteningly almost successful. I've been trying to be patient and understanding, because I've had my own battles with depression and suicidal thoughts, and I know how hard and how irrational it is. In fact, she's saved my life a few times, when I was thinking of ending it. She means the world to me, and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost her.

I feel really guilty about thinking of myself when someone I care about so much is having such a rough time-- but honestly, sometimes, I don't know if I've got the strength to cope with the way her problems impact me. I'm very rigid about meeting schedules; she's chronically late, sometimes to the point of standing me up entirely. That makes it terribly difficult to hang out. Lately, when we talk, I don't know what sort of mood she's going to be in. Sometimes I get the sense that she's annoyed at me, or resents me, just because I am who I am. Around most people I don't feel comfortable showing my vulnerable side, but I trust her so much that she's become one of the few people to whom I can turn to vent my true inner sentimentality. I'm not sure she always appreciates it all that much, though. I know she cares about me and would never ever deliberately hurt me, but I have self-esteem and trust issues from being abused as a kid and capriciousness just instinctively sets off alarm bells inside me to put up my guard, even if it's unintentional. My head tells me one thing about her, and my heart tells me another. She's the closest friend I've ever had, one of the only people I've ever known who truly respects and loves me, and she does things to satisfy me which must be incredibly tough for her; I don't like feeling these mixed signals about her. It makes me feel like a selfish, terrible friend.

We've been friends for 8 years now. It hasn't always been smooth, but I like to think the volatility is actually what has strengthened our bond so much. Sometimes, though, despite all of her reassurances that I'm her most trusted confidant and that I'd have to do something really really horrible to her for her to even consider leaving me as a friend, I can't help but worry that the volatility will someday make things too unstable between us for the relationship to be salvageable. I wish it weren't so, but I've had too many relationships backfire on me over the years to not be afraid of it happening again. The one saving grace in this case is, this relationship is much different-- deeper and longer-lived-- than any other I have ever had. I hope that means it's sustainable for a long time to come.

Wow- that's quite something. My boyfriend actually *had* severe OCD too, fear of stain. But before we got together he got rid of it already which is quite a miracle. I definetely recognize what you say about not knowing how she feels about you. Judging from bf's behavior now (we only talk through an Android app, Whatsap) I'd say he doesn't see me standing anymore. And it has been like that for a long time. But other small things say something else. It's confusing. Rationally I know he's not himself due to depression, but still you wonder.

Haven't seen him for 3 weeks now, and probably won't be seeing him this weekend. Being or conversing with him means walking on egg shells because he just can't deal with anything. The slightest thing makes him freak out. I really miss who he once was, and how we were a year ago.

He's on lithium now which, according to him, stopped psychosis. He isn't sure about the effects on his mood, he does know that without psychosis, things are more clear which may enhance bad feelings. But for the rest of it he says he doesn't know. He's on a small dose now because it's heavy stuff. He says it makes him ill. The dose will get higher; giving him the ''eventual dose'' in one time is too dangerous.

And now, everyone I had before has left msn, I don't have anyone in this city and as I said, nobody I spoke to before comes online because they're depressed as well, or some other reason.... So now I'm alone with everything and I feel often very sad and lonely. I'm not depressed but I fear I might become. And I can't talk to anyone about it.

Ah well, see how it goes...

I find it all very difficult.

I feel horrible. Everything costs me so much energy but it delivers me nothing. I feel I'm nothing. Tonight a fight. I'm so lonely.