Child abuse confused with Aspergers

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...but as it says in your link:

so it's likely that they were abused because of their condition, not that the abuse caused it.

Yes, to a point. I would not place any of the responsibility for abuse on anyone's condition, but rather on the way people around them react to said condition.

You can be autistic.
You can have PTSD.
You can have both autism and PTSD.

Some of the abuse I experienced was because people were unwilling to believe that I was telling the truth when I said I couldn't do things they expected of me. Some of the abuse I experienced was because one of my parents (thankfully, one I am not related to in any biological way) was a psychopath and would play abusive mindgames.

Yes, that's what I meant, the abuser's way of dealing with the condition. So if the person didn't have the condition the potential abuser may not have committed the abuse.

Yeah, I would say that I was a pretty vulnerable kid who could be easily abused... I mean what kid isn't but it's just easier to pick on someone who already has low self-esteem, who is naive and who doesn't fit in with the crowd or have a large social circle.... I was abused by many different types of people and it was likely for the same reason, except that I think my parents also picked on me a little more than my siblings because I was willing to do as they said and I wasn't very good at standing up for myself.

Just going through threads

Anyway, I didn't know a thing about autism before my son was diagnosed. However, when my son was around 2, my father would constantly say "he was just like me", so would my mother. Once my son was first diagnosed, my husband told the doctor, "give me wife whatever you're going to give him, because she has all those symptoms you just described". Then I started looking at some information on adults and AS, autism, etc. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but my husband also looked at it and said "yeah, that's you". It was at that time that I began to look back. I had bad handwriting, I had issues tying my shoes, I had speech issues which my grandfather was constantly helping me with, I was taken to a psychologist when I was around 8 and they couldn't figure out what to do...but I only went once...A couple of years later I was put in special ed in my school, but only briefly and then moved to some advance courses in math and others. I was WITHOUT A DOUBT abused because of being different. There were 3 of us, my sister was never abused, my brother was never abused, although he displayed the classic signs of autism, routine, etc. I remember lining up all my stuffed animals in my bed constantly. I played with cars and not dolls. I couldn't play with Barbies like my sister or friends because I would always just stay quiet and not know what I was supposed to say in pretend play. I couldn't pretend play school either. I had mostly boys as friends, and only really one or two girlfriends but none were really close. I didn't understand them. I thought I was just a tomboy. As I got older my best friend in high school would laugh at me because I never understood his jokes. Many others later at work would also say to me "you are so smart yet so stupid, you don't get the joke?". My ex-husand and others would constantly tell me that I could never see the bad in people. I had a girlfriend at work and everyone would tell me that she was not my friend, that I couldn't see it, but I really couldn't. These are just some of the issues. PS I ended up working IT even though I have no college degree. I was constantly praised for my attention to detail in every single evaluation, by my amazing memory, my ability to logically explain things and fix difficult issues in our system, etc...but every single one talked about having to improve my social skills. For a while my bosses would take me aside when there was a change in management and tell me ahead of the group, as they noticed that I was not good with change. It was very stressful for me, but they were great and so on. So much more.

After reading here and knowing my son, I just CLICK with all of his autistic friends. I get them, they talk to me when they don't really talk to other adults, etc.

I may not be autistic with a diagnosis, because I am still trying to find someone where I live who can diagnosed adults, however, this is just part of my story and so much more that I recognize from here and I just thought I was normal and nobody understood me all along.

This.

I was abused BECAUSE I was "weird," "refused" to make friends, "refused to just act normal," etc. (Or rather, because my parents obviously had their own issues, but were able to handle them with a "normal" child who toed the line - i.e. my sister - but not when the child had issues/a condition - me.) It wasn't the other way around.

My sister was treated very differently. She is not on the spectrum. She acted "normal" from the get-go (because she was, and is). Therefore, her actions were praised. She wasn't just randomly praised and therefore grew up to "not act autistic" and I wasn't just randomly kicked around and therefore grew up to "act autistic." And it's not just actions - or even responses. We think very differently (and I'm not just talking from a position of, say, fear or trigger reactions as potentially with PTSD, this is in positive, perfectly self-accepting ways, too). It's not just a matter of how we act, and react to people and situations. It is an absolute utterly different way of thinking and functioning. Not just in social settings but in many many ways.

(And by the way, no amount of talk therapy or antidepressants in the world managed to make me able to see where a ball is falling in space in front of me so that I can catch it, improve my wooden gait or the "odd" way I tend to hold my hands, be able to intellectually interpret objects when pointed out among many other objects, keep me from tripping and falling randomly due to not really knowing where my body is in space, decrease my hyperfocusing including on things I absolutely love, etc...hmmm.)

Also, has anyone considered the genetic factor here potentially causing a parent to abuse rather than be able to deal with (ironically) an autistic child? For example, I'd put money on my father having been on the spectrum. He absolutely could not stand noises, anything or anyone who interfered with his schedule that he pretty much required in order to not freak out, etc. First child, acting like a regular child? That was a lot for him, with his sensory issues, to take. ASD child who had meltdowns? Over the edge, he would lose his mind and start swinging.

My mom blamed their divorce in large part on me and my "weirdness driving (my father) away," detested me for it, found my condition to also be a hindrance to her remarrying and being able to quit work and eventually she literally hated me, and even wished me dead.

Though it wasn't my fault - and though equally, my parents had zero tools to deal with me, indeed didn't even have autism awareness on their side - I think I know whether it's the chicken or the egg that came first here. I was born the way I am. I wasn't beaten into it. I rather was, unfortunately, beaten because of it.

Be careful of correlation v causation but just as importantly, be careful of which condition - abuse or autism - precluded the other; and also be cognizant of the fact that there does seem to be some genetic factor involved in autism which could cause a parent or both parents to be less equipped to deal with any child, much less an autistic one. There are so many factors here that "ASD and PTSD have similarities" by no means equals "therefore, both can't simultaneously exist - one must be an incorrect "DX" OR "therefore, x amount of supposedly ASD people may have PTSD instead". Not saying the OP stated these things, but meanwhile a third familiar old saw, "therefore, x amount or percent of the self-diagnosed are probably wrong," does seem to be sneaking its way in.

I wonder at all the "X amount of people probably aren't REALLY ASD" posts around here...they keep coming back, like Halley's Comet. Or maybe like herpes. (That latter was a joke... ) Frankly, ANYTHING'S possible; why, therefore, is this one possibility the ever-popular one? I haven't been able to understand that yet. I'm not saying it's not as legitimate a question as any and I'm not trying to shut down any one line of thought, I'm just wondering why this is. Unless that's just the way I'm seeing it.

And FTR, people who think things along these lines:



...just blow my f*cking head.

Trying to stay on topic: I know of one particular horrendous child abuse case where at least one sibling started displaying autistic behaviour. However, this was a sexual abuse case that was so bad that journalists covering the case were being treated for ptsd, just to give you guys an idea. The victims were a group of siblings. They were not all showing autistic behavior, but the lot of them had ptsd.

That said, to me the diagnostic criteria for autism seem like a jumble of causes, effects and coping strategies. I wouldn't call myself self-diagnosed, I can't say for certain that I have it - it's just that this is the only thing that makes sense, possibly with a topping of add. I certainly have never been abused. I grew up in a very positive environment, in a very average, well-educated family. About as middle class as it gets.

I just had no idea that there was a connection between sensitivity to light, nerdiness, weird habits, lack of planning ability, lack of facial expression and the ability to draw really well from life and then totally tank at drawing from imagination.

People always told me I was so smart, which really worried me, because I knew I wasn't. I just read a lot more than they did.

Thank you Verdandi, for taking this battle. I would like to point out that people have very different reasons for going undiagnosed, a couple of them being lack of funds or simply waiting for assessment. I keep reading these old threads where people mention these hypothetical people who think AS is cool.

It's entirely possible there are some misunderstood young people out there who are having a life crisis and want an explanation fast. However, people don't diagnose themselves with a serious condition without having real problems in life - they may just be confused about what that problem is.

As a person with a lot of problems, I have a lot of understanding for someone who has a serious problem, and I don't judge them for being confused. God knows I've been confused in my life.

I am bumping this following a member request, the member prefers not to be identified and doesn't intend to post on it though would appreciate reading comments on this topic.

As child abuse is a trigger topic, please take care to abide by the Haven ethos of posting with respect to different experiences, avoiding dismissive or other hurtful comments.

A (much neglected) issue amidst the possible after-effects of child abuse is something called "traumatic bonding". It will be relevant to someone reading this thread in the future, so here is a link on it:
http://www.markmeans.com/clientimages/3 ... course.pdf