[RANT] Loser Insisting That We Take Her In.

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This doesn't hold true when the disability is one that makes one a jerk or irresponsible. Next time I have a conversation with an aspie who is being a jerk to me because they haven't bothered to learn the social etiquette, shall I read their behavior as them being rude on purpose? What if they literally cannot parse the words I am saying at that moment in time? Can I blame the person in a wheelchair who cannot meet me in my apartment because she can't physically get up the stairs? Can I blame someone who is manic for their grandiosity and impulsiveness? I truly think the answer is no. There is no 'teaching a lesson' to someone who is manic to not act manically, because that's not how it works. Their brain is not considering the downsides to things. Their lives could have been total, utter garbage up until now, every one of their attempts to have something lasting and functional, fail, and they will still keep making the same poor decisions. It's like, reverse depression. The downside is known but it's not salient, much like depressed people know that happiness and a positive outlook are out there but they are still negative. That outlook totally impacts the ability of someone to function well in the world, to make rational choices based on properly weighing pros and cons: again, the cons aren't emotionally salient. On the one hand at least the individual won't care too much about it unless normality or depression hits.

If it's been explained to them (like it never was to me) than yes. I have depression and anxiety but it's no excuse to be rude to anyone or to leech off of anyone else. It's not going to win over any friends to say this but many Aspies I know ARE lazy, irresponsible and refuse to take responsibility for acting like an adult.

The real question should be if it's Fnord's or My responsibility to take in a child abuser, even if this aforementioned personal is unable to understand what they are doing is wrong through no fault of their own. I do feel sorry for someone who has no control over their actions, but I must first and foremost safeguard my family.

I don't think it is either of your responsibilities. I got sidetracked.

Bipolar disorder isn't something I'd want to deal with either, my brother is like that and the cycle of it is where we'll get him on medication and he'll be as normal as he can be but eventually he'll decide to stop taking his pills and he'll become increasingly anxious, paranoid, prone to bouts of rage, and crying depression. It is really upsetting to see, he's not himself and is the most entitled angry selfish person possible who will freak out over things that don't even make sense(recently he had some episode about not liking something somebody else was eating)

It's a tough situation, is it a disability that prevents you from work? I think it can but it also can be controlled by medication.

If you do allow her to stay, a time limit would be best. Make her aware of it, sign something to say she agree, keep YOUR house rules. If she breaks them, you can kick her out. She sounds like trouble.

She is not coming in. Therefore, she is not staying. Both of these statements are unconditional - there is no bargaining for a deal.

Obviously this doesn't apply in Fnord's case but when I tried doing something like that, it ended badly. Instead of being grateful for what I provided, I was treated like a pariah for being so heartless, as I was seen as a nasty person for wanting things on paper that got reneged on anyway. I was too soft hearted to throw her out until I realized that I would want to throw her off the balcony if she stayed much longer.

I can't wait until my irresponsible Aunt who wanted nothing to do with me as a child starts crying to me or my parents for a place to stay: they just announced massive budget cuts in her province which means her chance of getting re-hired is somewhere around 0% so she will end up homeless within 3-6 months. Call me heartless but I have NO sympathy for someone who makes irresponsible, foolish decisions and refuses to learn from them! I have probably pissed a number of people off but I am sick of cleaning up other people's self-inflicted wounds and Fnord made the right call.

I too am sick of taking responsibility for someone else's screwed-up life, especially when they screwed it up themselves.

It's one thing to be a victim of uncontrollable circumstance. It's quite another thing to knowingly make choices that cause those circumstances to occur. It's the difference between being struck by a drunk driver and actually being the drunk driver.

Well if I had to choose being one of them I would prefer to be the drunk driver :S more chance of survival.

I prefer a third though neither!

Absolutely. Unfortunately I more often that not given people the benefit of the doubt and take what they say at face value: why do I have to be so kindhearted???

On a related note, I found out I was wrong about the uncle: he stayed 9 months, not 6 months and I was wrong about $500, it was only $5. My mother was thrown through the mud: even having strangers on the street tell her how heartless and cruel she was. My other irresponsible relative still hasn't moved into her new home: she probably forgot that it requires electricity, water, cable, etc and she can't afford it. I guess I can say goodbye to my inheritance because her mother (Grandma) will bail her out yet again!!

I recently decided to get rid of a friend who never contributed anything. I paid for everything because he was (supposedly) getting his life together. Once he got his University degree (at age 38 no less!) and finally landed a job that paid more than I make, I suddenly was dropped like a hot potato.

Finally, there was a former neighbor who was the victim of the worst set of life circumstances possible. He was falsely accused of molesting a 9 year old girl back in the 80s and even though it was soon discovered the girl made it up to get revenge on their family for something minor his daughter did, he still is treated like a pedophile and nobody other than my parents would have anything to do with him. I would take him in a heartbeat: even though his now adult kids are brats, he is the kindest person you would ever meet and would literally give you the supper he had made for himself. In fact, he may even be an Aspie, which would explain why we always got along: I could actually put up with him talking about his obsessive interest in aquatic life! Poor guy has also suffered unimaginably even ignoring what I talked about. My relatives on the other hand are just spoiled, lazy, ungrateful and are an embarrassment to be related to.

You guys have my sympathy.
I can relate to the compassion and guilt. I get that too.
Still, you need to take care of yourselves and your family.
You don’t owe onyone anything.