Words that don't help
01 May 2016, 1:58 pm
cavernio wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
If you haven't been precisely in an identical situation, then its true that one would not have complete understanding.
If one has been in a situation in a general sense, though, one might have more understanding that what one might think on the surface.
I might not know how it feels to get burnt by fire; but I do know how it feels to get burnt by a hot stove.
One might not have a depressive illness, but one might have experienced situational depression. I believe the person who has experienced situational depression would at least have some insights to share with one who has a depressive illness. A complete understanding of a person with a depressive illness, in the absence of a depressive illness, is elusive. A decent understanding is possible, though.
If one has been in a situation in a general sense, though, one might have more understanding that what one might think on the surface.
I might not know how it feels to get burnt by fire; but I do know how it feels to get burnt by a hot stove.
One might not have a depressive illness, but one might have experienced situational depression. I believe the person who has experienced situational depression would at least have some insights to share with one who has a depressive illness. A complete understanding of a person with a depressive illness, in the absence of a depressive illness, is elusive. A decent understanding is possible, though.
Odd that you bring this up, because it's tied into what I'm going to say, and what I'm going to say goes against, in a way, what you are saying.
The thing that I don't like about being told 'other people have it worse' the most is that usually those people are referring to external sources of anguish. But my experience of an external source of anguish, say a parent dying, might not actually be anguishing, while yours might be horrible, but there are steps you can see and do and go through. With that said, when the source of the anguish is internal, like someone suffering from major depressive disorder, the external part of life doesn't even matter.
I suppose what I'm talking about only applies to mental illness though. It's frustrating when people seem to think that its the events in your life that are the problem when no, it's not the events in your life that are the problem. And 'other people have it worse' seems to only be useful as a thing to say and useful as a comparison when the events themselves are external issues in your life. Like, how I respond to something happening around me can determine my state of being, which is why losing the ability to respond in ways that will end up making me happy, is frustrating.
I second this. It is extremely frustrating because non-depressed people seem to have this idea that anyone can control their happiness regardless of circumstances, when the reality is a depressed person has very little control regardless of whether the source of their distress is external or internal. I won't say non-depressed people are delusional about their level of responsibility for their own happiness, but I don't take it kindly when people insist their claims apply to me. To insist is to trivialize the experience of depression.
What makes it even more frustrating is the common notion that "everyone has been depressed". I think the definition of "depression" has been so watered down in the realm of pop-psychology that it is virtually meaningless. NOT EVERYONE HAS GONE THROUGH CLINICAL DEPRESSION, AND EVEN IF THEY HAVE, THEY MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH IT AS SEVERELY OR AS LONG AS SOMEONE ELSE HAS HAD TO ENDURE.
I also think "you could have it worse" is the absolute worst thing you can say to someone who is deeply depressed or close to suicidal. When you are in that state you can hardly imagine feeling worse. To think about feeling even worse the reasoning tends to lead to "then why haven't they killed themselves?". It is such an empty line of reasoning because I don't believe all people living in hardship feel as awful as someone who is severely depressed. If they did I think they would find a way to end their life. To be severely depressed can be almost as bad as being in literal pain. It can feel like torture when it gets bad enough. I don't think many people are capable of comprehending what it is like. They have no comprehension of how the human brain can torture itself.
