I don't know whats wrong with me

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How do I just say to my family it's just bad luck.

Family gathering soon. All the questions, have you met someone YET?

Implying, you're 35, why haven't you met anyone?

Is it really just bad luck?

I'm surely doing something off-putting.

While I cant speak for hurtloam, I have been accused of doing what you say in terms of asking for/rejecting help...

For me, Im reflexively negative. Its just part of how I process things. I drove my ex wife nuts with this. She had a very similar view as you. I understand where the frustration of someone with your view of it comes from. However I think its most fair to understand not all of us process things the same way. For me, I reject things initially to find its flaws. And if you're the one suggesting something, my 'rejecting' it, is in fact my saying "help me change my mind about this, here are my concerns". It may be communicated poorly, but thats a flaw we all have from time to time.

Sorry to pile on or jump in, it just was something I really related to and wanted to throw in my handful of pennies.

I mean Id be willing to offer you some constructive feedback or help in any way if youd like to expand on what you think your problems are.

Im 38 and have had successful relationships. I would be glad to help you try to figure out what sorts of things may be 'offputting' as you put it. Maybe there is something really offputting about you. And maybe theres nothing wrong with you at all. I say that not at all to be mean but to be logical. You seem like youd rather just find out whatever it is if aything so you can move to address things so you can find someone you can be with. If its some mild thing that you can change. Nothing wrong with that.

I mean cultural differences sure, but some things are fairly universal I think.

I do get what you mean.

I kind of stopped posting in this thread cos I felt I hijacked it a bit, though I still feel the same way. I don't think I can really add anything.

Families are difficult. I had to establish very firm boundaries with my family. I have no contact with my abusive mother and if other members of my family cannot respect my boundary, then I will not have contact with them either.

My point is, I am an adult and I get to decide how I live my life and if my family can't accept it, then I will spend my time with people who will accept it.

If it makes you feel any better, I am 44 and have never been married. I decided at 17 that I never wanted children.

I don't think luck has anything to do with it.

You may be doing something without realizing it. When I get out of a relationship it takes me at least a year before I a ready to date again, and suddenly something changes.

When you get out of a relationship...
Never had that, never even been in a relationship. Tbh I'm not that bothered that I've never been married, Im bothered that I've never been in a relationship. Not even a really short one. I don't even know of I'd like it or not. Perhaps I'm not actually suited to a partnership like that, who knows?

Why do you think that is?

I do not know about you guys, but whats wrong with me is I just didn't do nor have enough drugs.

Wish I could help but only dates I've ever got were from dating sites. Are you attractive according to British standards?

Really hope that doesn't come off bad I just now half of my problem is I'm ugly

Hugs

I went that route for about 8 years. I overdosed three times and was arrested once. Eventually, I just couldn't get high enough to stop being me.

Having said that, I don't think drug use should be illegal.

A good question to ask yourself is do you really want that or do you just think you're supposed to?

Same, been there done that, a few times, and for a lot longer too. just I had to stop because of having children and being that good example. kinda miss it though.

sometimes I crave the oblivion of it. I wish I could just shut my mind off.

I'm sick of being the loser no one wants.

We should start a club with that as our motto


Oh wait...that's basically what we have done.

I can't stop crying.

I just don't understand what about me is disgusting and unappealing to guys. Why does no one want me?

This is the worst year of my life. Everything is going wrong.