not where I'd thought I'd be in life

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I just coincidentally ran across this:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ag ... f=recs_top

I've leafed through the preview pages of the German version, and it looks really good. Maybe it could help you to re-evaluate things in a self-accepting and hopeful way? Not trying to be judgmental here; just saw this and thought of you. I plan on ordering one for myself.

Your right if the first thing they care about it that then they may be shallow. however sometimes people ask about job (not income) because they don't know what to say and assume everyone has a job so it's a safe topic. I personally think it extremely rude to ask someone about their income unless you know them very well. (I know my fiances so that I never ask him to do thing with me he cannot afford).

I'm very sorry women have treated you this way. Whatever your gender or whoever you are no one deserves to be spoken to like that. These women not wanting to be with you means you've dodied a bullet

sometimes the girls you think are pretty may not think so themselves. Thank you for your kind words they made me smile. I was bullied for being ugly and fat for most of my life so even now I struggle with my self image. Sometimes you have to be brave and take the chance even if they seem out of your league.

Is it an age thing where women are looking for security so they can have children. maybe you need to become a boy toy for a rich women (jk)

I honestly wish I had some secret answer that would fix everything but you are right there are society expectations of both genders that we aspies can't seem to fit .


It's really easy to missinterpret when reading things. I don't always realise you mean the women in your area. although I have heard that part of America has some difficult women from abother member of this site



I like you too as a friend that's why I tried to express that I wasnt trying to be mean. Sometimes I'm rubbish with my words and they come out in a way I don't realise

A lot of the ladies on this site are very lovely and accepting but they issue may be if either person was good at dealing with an autistic person. For example I would probably be bad for another aspie because I get easily fustrates.

I wish you had better luck! maybe you will have better luck as you get older and women are more mellow? I've heard that as people grow older they look more at personality.

you have to have a thick skin when online dating because people forget you are human.

Sending hugs your way hopefully to cheer you up a bit ((hugs))

Huh that is not what I thought you were going to say. From what you describe you actually seem to be a person who can do well when it comes to dating and the problems you described were more other people's faults rather than yours. Why don't you try to keep this game up?

Maybe dating sites isn't a good place to meet new people. Have you tried using an interest you may have as a way to meet women?

That's funny, because for most of his life, he's only ever been told the opposite.

This has given him low self esteem, and now we have people shaming him further and criticizing him for being negative.

He hasn't failed in dating because he's negative, he's negative because he's failed and now he's stuck in a catch-22.

What?

I'm sorry, but 6 dates is not an impressive record, but he shouldn't feel ashamed with himself if he can't more dates than this. The best he can do is the best he can do and he should feel proud.

There are people who don't even try. He has been.

But a lot of people go on far more dates than that, and HAVE to if they want to meet someone compatible.

Sly, dating is a 'number's game' apparently.

For some men they get a girlfriend the second girl they ask out, for others the 200th.

I mean in real life here, not online.

I guess what I am saying is that from the looks of it the dates he has went on have gone well who knows what they can bring in the future. Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea therefore to leave it now.

Religious people are difficult for you to find? I find that almost unbelievable. It seems to me that there are a lot of them, even here in secular California. Are you looking for someone who belongs to a very small religion/sect or who is very fundamentalist?

supoose that's a good word for it. I dont know some give smiles and say hi. If it was my low self esteem then I'd think it'd be all of them.

Yeah I fake being happy at work. I smile and talk with people and when asked how I am I say pretty good.

In person one. Too shy and too anxious to ask a woman out in person. It takes weeks of texting one online for me to feel comfortable talking to them in person.
Add to that with girls in person I know nothing about them. Don't know if they'll married or dating or what things they like or don't like. Makes starting a conversation impossible.

Pretty much yeah. Or they talk for a while but never initiate topics and so it dies out and they ghost me.

I try that and get nasty looks. Women on the bus, shopping in stores or at work.

I don't have any friends anymore. My aqquantiences are old or don't think I'm good enough for any women they know.
Wish I lived in place where they had arranged marriage so family would just done it.

To get into a gang you need contacts. Plus it's not really something you want to get involved in. Gang life is portrayed as glamorous on TV and in movies, but the reality is very different. It's cold, brutal & ruthless. If that sounds good or glamorous to you, then you've got serious issues.
Jobs are still s**t though.

Sly, if you pin all your hopes of happiness on getting a girlfriend, then you will remain unhappy. 

You must come up with a plan to be happy while you're single. 

There's a chance that girls will like you more if you're already happy and content before you start dating them but there's a chance they won't, so you should plan to be happy while single, just in case you don't get a partner. That way you can have a happy life regardless of whether or not you get a girlfriend. 

You should not make your happiness dependant on factors that are controlled by other people. You can't control whether or not girls like you so instead make a plan to be happy that only uses factors that are directly in your control.

Great advice, but taken to its logical extension, we can't make anyone like us—not girlfriends, not platonic friends, not even family—so those of us who have no one must plan for a life of isolation. Kinda depressing.

Of course having a partner is not the only social outlet.

We can still be social. So long as we accept other people how they are, not how we want them to be.

We can't change people but we can choose who to socialise with. Selection of social groups is a factor that is under our control.

People can find similar people, instead o changing people. Similar but not identical, it is our little differences that make life interesting

Don't we have the exact same amount of control over platonic relationships as we have over romantic/sexual relationships? In both cases, it won't work out if the other person doesn't like us, regardless of whom we choose.

Either choose those would like you or change yourself to be more likable.

You can't change anyone except yourself.

What if there's no factors you have control over anymore?

Since breaking my wrist, I won't be able to lift weights for 6 months, I can't work on my music, and playing video games is a chore now.

These were the few things that actually make me happy anymore. Now I have none of them.

I'd only be able to tolerate this terrible injury better if I had good friends and a loving girlfriend.

I don't watch tv or movies. I hate passive activities.

Might be an extreme example, but think of all the people who have little control over their lives.

The jobless NEET in a wheelchair, the arm amputee, etc.

If there's one thing I've learnt about being alone, it's that you NEED to be in top physical condition to tolerate it.

Otherwise the minute you break an arm and can't do your hobbies anymore, your whole world comes crashing down.

You know what's funny?

People say "You can't rely on others to make you happy!" yet we rely on our hobbies and interests to make us happy? Isn't this just as bad?

What if soccer is the only thing on this planet that makes you happy anymore and you permanently break your spine, making you wheelchair-bound?

^ you find something else to do.
You adjust.

Be thankful you are only temporarily disabled.

Ironically, I value my physical health over my life.

I'd rather die in a sports accident than survive but with an injury.

I'd rather I broke my neck and died instead of surviving with this broken wrist.

I'd rather have 1 year to live if I could spend that last year physically active and injury free.

I'd trade deadly cancer that'll kill me in a year as long as it didn't affect my physical abilities and had minimal effects on my mental health and concentration and functioning.

In my last days I'd blow the rest of my cash on risky extreme sports so when the time comes, I'd go out with a bang.

I wish I was joking, but I'm being entirely serious.

As someone who desperately wants good friends and true love, I'd actually be fine with living the rest of my life with no friends or girlfriend if it meant I could dedicate my time to my health and fitness, which is what I pretty much was doing before this little mishap.

I thought maybe this injury can help me relax and get over my unhealthy obsession with fitness, hopefully it will, because at the moment it's one of the few things that gives me reason to live.

But at least I don't rely on anyone for my happiness!

Nope, I don't depend on another person to make me happy, I can be happy on my own, so long as my body doesn't fail on me!

Can't wait until I'm 40! I'm sure my happiness depending entirely on having a healthy and powerful body won't be a bad thing then!