What can we do to prevent rejection?

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larsenjw92286
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11 May 2007, 1:22 pm

This is because this person told me exactly what I wrote to them, and they were nice enough to explain why the reason was.


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shadexiii
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11 May 2007, 1:43 pm

larsenjw92286 wrote:
This is because this person told me exactly what I wrote to them, and they were nice enough to explain why the reason was.


So was it a misunderstanding? Or did you unintentionally deceive them? Or was it intentional? I can't really suggest any ideas as to what you might want to try without knowing that.



rideforever
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11 May 2007, 1:47 pm

Do what you want to do and don't be afraid my man.

If you like this person write her an email saying 'I like you, sorry about the misunderstanding, please stay in touch'. If she says 'no sorry' then that's life - you did the right thing, you stood up and said how you felt. You did what you wanted to do. That's it. She doesn't like it ... well she might have a 1000 reasons you know nothing about.

You want to stay in touch ? Then tell her "I want to stay in touch". Fear not my man, tell her how you feel and what you want and feel good for being straight with it.

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shadexiii
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11 May 2007, 1:55 pm

^good advice



madscientist
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11 May 2007, 2:12 pm

I'm confused and maybe I'm missing what happened here, but it sounds like a simple misunderstanding or misinterpretation. Possibly one caused by a classic literal interpretation. If that's the case, there's no reason whatsoever that any reasonable person should not accept your explanation of the circumstances - and if the literal interpretation issue IS the cause then an explanation of why that is an Aspie trait would be in order. If she still refuses to accept this, then either there's something else in play here or she's simply an unreasonable person and likely not worth dealing with (sorry if that sounds harsh). Without more details, it's hard to analyze the situation, but that's what it sounds like to me.


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lostartist
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11 May 2007, 3:19 pm

I agree with madscientist, above. I will add that if you've done all you can to make things right, and she never comes around, you must learn to let go. As Graelwyn said, you can't control someone else's behavior, only how you respond to that behavior.



larsenjw92286
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11 May 2007, 5:12 pm

It sounds like it was intentional, but it really wasn't.

I actually owed her an apology once and she accepted. Then, I did another supposedly hurtful thing, and we are no longer in touch. I really didn't want that to happen, but it did.


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TrishC7
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15 May 2007, 4:40 am

You've had a lot of good advice. I'm just going to also say that you do what you can do, how the person responds is up to them, and then you deal with things from there. Someone (don't know who) said, "I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me." I think it's very wise, assuming any possible misunderstandings have been taken into account & cleared-up if possible.

Things may work out. They may not. I have a longtime best friend with whom I've been in & out of touch with over the years, because we each had things to work out that f***** with our friendship, and made us bad for each other at times. Somehow, though, there was enough there that as we've matured & learned more about ourselves, we've become real and sensitive friends to each other. I still consider the friendship somewhat fragile, but we value each other and are gentle to each other now, and it's a very good thing.

On the other hand, I've had friendships that just plain didn't work out, and it was a very sad thing at the time, but that's part of life. We get to know people, and the better we get to know each other, the more we find we do or don't fit well together. It's not a matter of blame toward one person or the other, often, more a matter of inherent differences. Or, as they say in divorce court, 'irreconcilable differences.' Been there, done that, too.

The point is, don't beat yourself up about it. You're each who you are, and most of us do the best we can, and it's better not to be in a particular friendship than to be in a bad one. There are other people in the world, ones who will appreciate you.