Thinking of quitting my job and just never leaving my house.

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As I see it, online dating doesn't work for you because women are too picky and you have transportation issues.

If you ask them in person it much less likely that transportation will be an issue. You are more likely encounter women who would like to date, but don't feel they would be successful. Or had had issues in the past. I think a lot of good matches for you won't be found on dating sites. You may also want to consider older women as well. Developing a good personality can take a lot of time.

But, as the previous poster pointed out, taking some time out to get rid of the anger and build up some confidence is a good idea. Anger is a big turn off. Confidence is a big turn on. Spend some time with a Special Interest to build some confidence.

I haven't dated in like 6 years so I'd say that's a enough time off. As for confidence I realize it's the end All for women but reality lot of guys will never have never have confidence with women. I'm one. To get confidence would require good experience with women i.e. Dates and or relationships.
Confidence is just good past experiences.
People who e only had bad or no experiences in something won't be confident.

That's all I've been doing all my lif and it's not enough

^ I think this is good advice. It's already good advice for its own because focusing on something positive will make you less miserable but it might also be good advice for dating because it'd give you some interesting things you can say about yourself (again it doesn't need to be any stereotypical attractive stuff) and some things you are more confident about than about your job.



It'd already be positive if you could get more confident about anything. Not all women mind if a man is shy or nervous around them at first but if you have a completely negative opinion about yourself and don't have any self confidence at all more women will mind - because it can get stressful or tedious to constantly be around a person you constantly have to reassure.
Look, the truth is, by far not everything about you is negative. You have strengths and weak-points like anybody else. Self-confidence isn't about being perfect. It's about being aware of both your strong and your weak sides and about being fine with it and accepting about yourself (but it doesn't contradict trying to change anything about yourself if there's anything you want to improve).

Also, I don't know what it is that prevents you from trying to find dates in the real world - a lack of confidence, social phobia, sensory issues, a small social circle or anything else.
Either way, I think if you could overcome this problem somehow dating might get easier for you.
Online dating gives people the opportunity to be particularly shallow. They can make lists of requirements for a potential partner and stick to them because no emotion is involved in the initial selection - it's just not easy to feel anything about strangers on the internet, not like it is with people you get to know in real life.
A lot of women who have these lists of requirements end up with men who do not meet most of their requirements - because she fell in love with him and suddenly her list didn't matter any more. However, this happens more likely the more natural the process of getting to know each other is and online dating just isn't very good for that.

Aspies typically show confidence when talking about their special interests.

I know way too much about photography, for instance.

Six years without a date suggests that on line dating isn't working for you, no matter how "easy" or convenient it is.

You aren't the only one whose emotional age doesn't match your chronological age. You may be better off with someone older who is emotionally young. Maybe not. But that is the problem with online dating. Someone looks at something totally irrelevant to personality and interest and immediately decides "no way" ! !!

So actually I guess it's been 3-4 years not 6.

I don't message women anymore. Took from 16-22 to be able to message women on dating sites. But since 25/26 I've taken a bashing so now I don't feel good enough for any woman.

But it got 6-8 dates from when I was 24/25
Vs 0 dates ever from in person.
I simply hardly can even talk to women in person non less ask them out and that was before I've been told I'm worthless and no woman will ever date me.

You can be ugly as hell (not saying you are lol) and clean up s**t for a living, but taking pride in yourself and having confidence (which was hard to gain (for me)) and an over all good attitude can do more than you think.

Its all about your outlook, trust me on that, but try to work towards or apply for a job you enjoy!

(I actually have a buddy that cleans septic tanks for a living for 10 dollars an hour, and he is oddly good with women).

We live in a capitalist world. It's not surprising that we tend to value people based on their income. We can't change this and have to adapt, unfortunately.

Well I never said they only care about a guys income, just that it seems to be one of if not that top reason to reject someone for a lot of women. A lot men likewise do place priority on a woman's body. That's however changing with groups pushing for curvy women to be seen as ok. There's no organization pushing to rid society of a idea dating back to the 1800s that of s guys worth being his money and ability to provide.i wish there was but feminism doesn't tend to support male issues and there's no real menism group. Possible but improbable . Most profiles or ads want the guy to have his life together (good job, car, and place) ill likely never have a car again it's impractical for me with my income. I dont know how to find that one girl if she's around, she may just never leave her house. I'm scared to even message the ones who don't list those requirements but have similarities to the others or who I find attractive.


I have few hobbies, video games, shaving and watching tv. It's all I can do anymore with a low income and no car. When I was in college I use to go airsofting and shooting with friends(who I don't have anymore since losing car)
Not anything to learn here that doesn't cost money. I'd have to go to the local college and pay out of pocket $500-1500 per term. We don't have much of social stuff outside of clubs/bar, movie theaters and bowling/mingolf. Not like Portland which has a lot of stuff. Including dating gathering and speed dating. I'm happy with my remaining hobbies but their not enough to make my life happy while being alone.

Sorry the guy didn't love you.

I dont know anymore. I'm nice, caring, romantic, playful, kinda childish in naive way. I can someone cook. I do my own laundry. I try to help people a lot. I'm not very violent, I try to avoid killing bugs/insects or any life(something that's seen as a negative by lot of people) I can either be or do funny things that make people laughs
I like sci-fi or action most but enjoy most other stuff. But I suppose some would call me a nerd or geek.

I'm passionate about guns, history and shaving. I know a lot of rather useless information. I enjoy learning about it. I try not to be bitter but it's a fight I'm losing, the things they say and them seeing me as worthless makes me upset. Gives me zero motivation to keep going. People usually need to know stuff might get better to keep pushing. As it it won't ever get better for me. I lack the education, experience, or social skills to obtain better work. I was very super lucky to get this job, and barely able to keep it due to my social issues. A lot of women here have admitted it's unlikely most women would date a unemployed guy on government aid. They want someone who'll contribute equally or more then them. Something I'd never be able to do. Nor can I go on vacations. I'd settle for camping or the coast once a year. I miss going to my uncles cabin, listening to the ocean. I only exist for my few hobbies which in my belief is a stupid pointless existence. When I die there be no one to care. When others die their kids and grandkids will remember and morn them. Half the days I honestly don't know why I bother. The people I play with all have wife/gf and life's, I have no life.never had and probably never will. Nothing to look forward to no light at the end of this crappy darkness.

Atleat with a gf I'd have someone I'd mean something to, someone to look forward to seeing at the end of s stressful day of work. Nothing for me but crying myself to sleep in my empty bed
Bunch of people on here similarly to me who's situation never changed and now their in there later years. I see lots of old lonely people. So it happens enough. Not everyone gets to be happy or have love. Especially given some guys have few romantic ladies and other guys have 12+ wife's.

If I could just have love even if it only last s few months. Least then I'd have something, heck lot of 17 have had more relationships then me.

I am going to be a postdoctoral research in a few years, and honestly, if you view a part time job as a stepping stone, then there should be no reason why you could not improve in your overall career status. It takes some time, and it differs among individuals, but ultimately, if you have a life or career goal in mind, you'll reach it in no time.

I'm not into mainstream stuff. I hat sports. I hate large gatherings of people. Guys who play video games are seen as no life losers. I've seen women say such guys need to grow up and stop being childish. Guns, well this area is mostly liberal and most women here hate guns, the ones who don't are far right and country girls who see people like me as theives stealing from their income via taxes. Their words not mine. I'm not confident with women, I feel I do good job at my job. Management doesn't though a lot of that relates to being aspie. None of that helps me if I can't ever get s date which is where all that shows. Back when I did date women thought I was confident , guess cause I'm silly and make them laugh while talking a lot. I dont know. I felt(don't know if I still do) that if women just gave me a chance they'd like me. But now i dont know I'm kinda afraid to go on a date. What if we have nothing to say. It doesn't feel I had much in common with the lady from work after overhearing her with another lady.

Again I'm confident about guns, video games, shaving and kinda history. I have experience in those areas, hence confidence. I have very little experience with dating women, all of it negative. I imagine if I'd had a relationship like most people did in high school I'd be mor confident much like they are with dating women. Add to that I'm shy, anxious, have social issues and hard time reading non verbal ques, equal no confidence with women, but if you want to talk about synthetic vs boar brushes or about wether glock is better then an m&p im all confident and talkable.
I'd sooner go to combat then try to pick a girl up in a club. And pretty sure I'd die in combat.

Lack of information. Are they single,married, in a relationship, do they like me, do they think I'm ugly, what do they like, what do we talk about, how to i tslkmto them. I'd prefer to be straight up "hi I like you want to date" however suppose to play the game and do social obstacles first. As stated I'm shy and suffer from social anxiety ammonst regular anxiety. I freak out when trying to talk to women, took me a year to ask the lady at work out.

Online dating I known their single, I know their hobbies and interests, I don't have to worry about being utter humiliated in front of all my coworkers and. Wing the laughing stock of the whole store. I feel much more comfortable with text based communication. Which allows me to be more open with them on a date, hence coming across confident. Usually by the time we have a dat I already feel like I know them. Vs being that attractive strange girl at work. Also online dating they usually showed interest by responding to my message or liking my profile. Where as the girl in public doesn't, and could just as likely slap me and be upset Ugly worthless me had the balls to talk to them.
Mean I've had women get mad at me for talking to them as just friends or coworkers talk.

So it's a lot of stress approaching or talking to women in public. Plus it's been pointed out here tons of times women just want to be left alone when outside their house. Seems clubs/bars is the only acceptable place to approach women, I hat large gatherings, loud music and don't drink.
So I'm really unsure where I'd go to try to ask women out. Any idea? So I do dating site. But. It im too afraid to message women any more. My only interaction being few who message me only to realize despite it being on my profile that I work min wage or lose interest. Or the very few I get breve enough to message on Craigslist.
Since atleat there, they don't have pretty pictures to intimidate me. I avoid the ones who say they thin though. Don't stand s chance with a thin attractive women right?

Wish they'd out their requirements first though, sucks reading a profile in detail from top to bottom only to see at the bottom they'll only date someone with their life together

Shouodmi just message them anyways?

I dont view it as a stepping stone, lots of people work their whole lives in min wage jobs.
Everyone can't become bosses, there's only so much room to advance up a company with fewer and fewer positions higher you go. I work in the clearance department. Which lottery gives me no experience for even transferring to another department as I found out. Heck I have two years cashier experience and they wouldn't hire me to cashier.
As stated I can't to go college again to get degree to go to another field. I went I tried doing a few fields. I got s degre but can't work in the field and I've forgotten 80% of what I learned. I don't anymore, I wanted to be military, or cop, but I can't, no aspies allowed. They take bipolar people though. So I wanted to be a teacher but I'm not smart enough, so I tried to be a mchanic. Failed at that. Some kind of organizational office job or production packaging job would been. Best for me. My goal is to work here rest of my life or as long as they'll keep me. I'm happy just to get work after 10 years of trying to find steady work.

Why can't that just be good enough? Why not just work a min wage job and try to enjoy life then spend it constantly trying to climb the career ladder? I see people who have no time to do their hobbies cause of their jobs, unlike me they exist solely to make their boss money. My fiend often works 18+ hour shifts. Doesn't seem worth it in my eyes.

I don't have any goals anymore, I failed at them all. Barely got this job.somi focus on just trying to keep it. Which is hard enough and stressful, so what does s guy who can hardly work a 20 hour week retail sales job do next? So many say retails easy kids job.

Surely you don't deny that you can still advance academically? Many Ms.C and MA programs do not require a specific prerequisite for Bachelor's degrees. Incidentally, many folks have received graduate degrees in programs in which their original Bachelors degrees have little to no relevance. Look for a program that interests you, see if they don't require a specific BA/Bs.C and apply for it.

That is how I got my career: working for a Ph.D, teaching as a grad student, research, and still managing to get a family of a wife and a just born baby boy.

Trust me, it is the most expedient way for aspies to get a track in life. And I am sure, you can do likewise. There is no need for despair. Honestly, for me, the only real remaining tasks are to quit smoking and finish my doctorate to secure a faculty position.

Oh I forgot, nice to talk to you again Sly.

- Sebastian

No. But it helps to be able to at least support yourself, or have goals and ambitions you are working towards.

I'm surprised that girls judge you by your job. Are these girls working in the same place as you? That would explain it. Workplace isn't where to find a friend.

I'm going to suggest something here that you'll throw away but give it a thought, please. Because I saw what it did for my brother and it was phenomenal.

Toastmasters. If you google it you'll find one local to you. It's a casual club for teaching people to make a speech. That sounds horrible, I know. They say that's the greatest fear that people have. My brother was a clever guy, had a good enough job, and was a slob without a social life or social skills. His boss ordered him to join Toastmasters.

He does everything whole hog, full force. So maybe that's why he got so much out of it.

He learned more than speeches. He learned to walk and talk like a successful man. He learned the gestures that make people wait a moment for your answer, which gives you class. He bought different clothes, he learned that there. There's a thing you gotta wear in his neighbourhood - a yellow jacket. This may all sound silly to you, but all of a sudden he looked, walked, and talked like he belonged. All from Toastmasters. Of course he also learned to make speeches.

He said in his group there was a woman who could not get up to speak at all. The next week, she got up but couldn't speak so she sat down again. The leader gave her 100% for doubling her performance.

Would you consider Toastmasters? I'll you what. If you do, so will I. We'll stay in touch, compare notes. Maybe it would make a terrific thread or maybe we should keep it in PM. Would you try?

I'm not eligible for government funds anymore and already owe 11,000 in student loans. College isn't s option for me anymore. I got a 2 year degree that took me 4 years. I changed from my transfer degree cause I'm not good at remembering stuff so not smart enough to keep going. I suck at writing and I couldn't go pat math 100.