I feel hopeless and wann just stop living.

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The feeling I get is wp is just for successful aspies. They always complain about us unsuccessful aspies who vent about our life.

I'm actually starting to notice that myself. The only reason I haven't started ranting or complaining about my life is because I see the backlash that you and Marknis get from people on this site.

I'm starting to think that things like "support" and "help" don't even exist in human vocabulary anymore. Now everyone goes with the stupid idea of "I can't help you if you can't help yourself." and self-help book advice, which is stupid because if I could help myself or just read a book then I wouldn't need you!

Everyday death starts to sound better and better...

this is OUR place as well, you tell them where to go.

I don't screw with Sly and Marknis. Im not a "successful Aspie."

neeether am I.

i am always alone.
i have no friends that live near me (within 100km) because i moved away.
in the 5 years i have been up here, i have met no one.

i have nothing to offer.
my personality is barren.
when i worked as an IT developer, i had lots of money coming in and i used to buy my pub "friends" drinks and stuff, and seemed popular, but i knew if i turned off the tap, they would dwindle quickly.

also, i do not think in terms of "what use am i to the world?" or "what legacy am i going to leave?"
when i was a child, i considered those questions.
i thought of the tree of life from the primordial soup right up to us, and every living being has an unbroken line of successfully procreating beings in their 700 million year heritage.

so, if i die without procreating, then my strand of the tree ends with me.
my line stops here.
like a flower at the end of a branch. flowers are the ultimate culmination of the tree.

so if everyone's only reason is to procreate, then no one really is the benefactor of this process until the last generation to exist.
it's like "i don't matter. i'm just a dot in a long line in order to make the future a better place. a future in which i have no place". a long line to where? to the end of life on earth. that's where.

i have never met anyone i am genetically related to and know nothing of their possible existence.

as for the need for company and love, i can not help you.
you feel it, and i do not.

the old shakespearean line "is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?"

everyone i ever discussed that line with says it is better to have loved and lost.
but i believe, for me, it is better to never have loved at all.

i do not mean love in a platonic way.

anyway, the older you get, the more you will become jaded to the painful sense of being left out.
just wait.

I wish I was smart enough to do it or electrical cableing. Seem like nice inside jobs. I’d like an office job, but I can’t do sales. And with computers there’s no need for achieves or organizers. I can’t draw so graphic design is out. So there goes most if not all office Jobs. I sadly like the idea of wearing a suit and working in a cubical I’m weird. Maybe a online sales office job where communication is all in text. Like a customer support or order processing. That’d be cool. My old job I got to do that a little. Pick peoples order, ring it up, package it and mail it out. It was nice. But such jobs don’t exist in my area. All office jobs are phone call centers for some big businesses like carnival cruise line. Phones give me lots of anxiety.

My friends “grew up” and moved away my old friends younger brother just got married and my friend is younger then me. I’m way behind everyone.

Women always tell me if not for my job I’d be a perfect boyfriend

Is it though?

The only thing I try to tell myself that’s good from this crap life is that if I had a gf I’d spend all my money in her. So I can buy stuff I want and shouldn’t buy. But objects don’t bring me happiness I’d gladly trade if all for a gf. I’d spoil her too. I’m running out of things to buy. I’ve finished shaving stuff. Have all the guns I want and can afford, same with video games. Coins too will run out. Then what will I buy? Bought some $130 shoes today for $17.50 i haven’t worn shoes in 17 years besides the ones I got for gym which I haven’t been to in month and half. They’re gortex shoes, I bought my mom a pair too. If I had a go I’d bought her some and lots of clothes. There’s so many cute shoes and clothes that come up, I’d buy a gf a lot of them. It’d make her happy which would make me happy. Instead of have Shave soaps. I haven’t been shaving as much either.

mebbe buy some experiences instead? ever been to that sky diving simulator in seattle? that sounds like a fun experience.

What type of coins are you collecting, Sly? Is it world, early US, modern US, midevil European, ancient? I may be able to point you in a new direction of collecting for that hobby. BTW, Have you ever thought of branching out to paper currency collecting? It can be as varied as coin collecting.

I’ve just started collecting silver coins. I use to have some old paper money from ww2 but i dont know where it is anymore:(

I would like to get a Roman coin some day but they kinda price even for just bronze coin.

Same.

it might be a smart thing to start collecting those silver coins just in case there was some kinda black swan event that rendered our present financial system moribund.

Feel hopeless? Why?
Do you like wolves?

Black swan event?
Silver is cheap currently. I like the designs. Especially the fox ones.

It'd be a loooong story. I guess you could narrow it down to being more or less defective, clinically depressed, and a veritable ****storm of a life. ....sounds kinda dramatic when I write it down. But there you have it.

I love wolves. They tend to be better than people. Especially to each other.