Morbid Hour

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That was so incredibly creepy

I really dig it. Thanks for sharing. ^-^

Hi Coyote. How are you doing today?

Your howl sounded melodious today....

Hey Kortie ^-^ thanks.

I'm alright. A little stressed. We really need to move out of the community we live in. It's a mobile home park, we live in a 2015 modular that's pretty nice actually, but the community got bought by a true Businessman and so things are rapidly becoming uncomfortable here. We weren't going to be living here for very long anyway, it was just the only thing we could afford at the time, we had to move immediately from where we were because of estate squabbles between the executor and the heir of a Will. But I really was hoping we wouldn't have to try to move again so soon. Any time money or housing comes into question even a little, I get so stressed out that I have anxiety and panic attacks one right after the other. Probably a trauma response from my past. Having somewhere to live and enough food to eat was never certain, for a large chunk of my life, and so now I get really easily overwhelmed about it. It really bothers me actually, how much it gets to me. I start babbling, like I'm doing now but with my fingers instead lol, and I have to fight the urge to burst into tears. Vulnerability makes me very uncomfortable.

... I'm sorry if that was a lot. It probably was. How are you doing?

I'm doing all right.

No, it wasn't "too much" for me. I understand why moving around can be stressful. It's certainly stressful for me.

Some day, I would like to hear about your life. You've seemed to have overcome a lot.

I had many problems and unhappiness growing up----but at least I always had a roof over my head, and (mostly) enough to eat.

After my father and mother got divorced, things were a little tight for a while. Some nights, my brother and I had to share a can of Franco-American spaghetti. One night, I ate all the spaghetti, and my brother got angry with me. He still brings up what I did to this day, even though it happened 45 years ago.

I hope you find somewhere which has a nice modular home, yet without all the problems you had in your present place.

Do you still feel insecure as far as your food availability is concerned?

Good. I'm glad that if you're not great, at least you're alright.

Ok. Whew, lol. I usually tell people more than they care to know when I get stressed out. It just comes tumbling out. Kind of embarrassing actually.
I get a little extra tense about moving these days because I'm not as strong as I was once. I have arthritis in my feet and hands, have since I was 24, and so I can't help as much as I want to. I was very independent for a long time, so I get agitated quickly when I can't lift certain things or carry something a longer distance.


Really? I think that's the first time anyone has ever said that to me, that they'd like to hear about my life. I don't know if "overcome" is too accurate. It all seems to drag behind me on chains I can't get out of. But, I'm definitely a survivor, that's for sure. I wouldn't mind telling, but it'd be a very long story, especially for how Not Old I am.

Hmm. Well, I think that problems and unhappiness are all the same, regardless of detail. To drop a cheesy line from a movie, "Hearts were broken? Then it's the same." Cheese cheese cheese... but I have to agree with it.

Wow. Well sir... how very dare you. (COMPLETELY in jest, I think it's almost endearing the silly things we hold on to as people)

Thank you. Luckily we will be able to find a "stick built" home, a traditional house, this time around. It'll just be further out, which is a-okay with us both. There's really nothing keeping us in this section of California anymore.

Food scarcity isn't a serious issue for us anymore, thankfully. It's something that looms a little in the back of mind, although it never bothered me too much to be hungry. After the initial adjustment to the pangs passes, I can ignore hunger extremely well. Then again, I also have days where I'm not hungry at all. I don't know why, particularly. I don't think it's just depression, because I have normal days in which I'm not depressed but I still have no hunger pangs or motivation to eat.

LOL....I’m one of those with a belly that’s never satisfied—-but I’ve gotten better recently. I tend towards “meat and potatoes” type food.

I’m glad you’ve gotten a “proper” home this time. I hope there’s a nice pine forest nearby. I envision you enjoying this sort of milieu.

Arthritis is a bummer. I get water on the knee sometimes. It makes me walk with a limp some days. I used to run quite a bit and did three marathons in the 90s. Maybe that was the cause? I also have a screwy left wrist from an old injury.

I value independence very much. If I would lose it, I’d be rather pissed. If I couldn’t regain it despite much effort, I guess I would have to make the best of it. I’d still have days where I’d be quite perturbed, though.

I enjoy learning about the lives of “regular” people much more than the lives of celebrities. I’ve always been this way. I can envision you being stalwart despite the odds.

Don't get me wrong, I love food. I enjoy flavors and different textures. Granted there are some flavors and textures (salmon roe for example never again) that I can't stand. But I like variety and trying new things just as much as I like my old standby favorites. I just don't have an attachment to eating anymore.
Remember those Klondike commercials? Instead of a Klondike bar, it would be a rare steak for me.

Thanks. You're right on the money. I need trees in my life. I need plants in general, but specifically trees, and specifically either Redwood or Pine. Coooooooniferous

Indeed. Yuck that's painful. I'm sorry. I have knee problems myself, but they're not that bad. They didn't form properly, I grew too quickly, so they give me a hard time now and then.
As far as I know, most joint-related problems are actually based in genetics. As in, your genetics will ultimately determine whether or not you'll have an issue, barring serious trauma.

I think that's all we really do as people anyway, make the best of things. Which sounds bleak, but I don't know if that's really such a bad thing. I try not to have utopic/idyllic ideas and leanings when it comes to life. Life is life. Yin and Yang. Sometimes I get angry, I'll swear or throw something, when I'm feeling particularly bitter about not being able to use my hands very well anymore. In those moments I know the potential for feeling sorry for myself, the inevitable spiral, and the completely unhelpful mindset that would follow it, so I have my tiny tantrum and then just move on.

Those that go unnoticed, the rest of us, tend to be more interesting anyway. Less neurotic and apt to behave the way such extreme attention would warrant a person to. I agree with you, obviously. I like everyday people much better, and their stories. I tend not to ask though, I've been rebuked and reprimanded before for asking "personal questions". I can't seem to figure out what constitutes personal to each individual person.
Thanks. I try. I'd love to be some stoic, bedecked in armor visage that inspires awe and reverence in her ability to withstand the storm. But naturally, being human, it's far less glamorous and I've definitely embarrassed myself and others on more than one occasion thanks to public meltdowns.

I would not object to you asking me questions, I like to answer good people's questions.

Thanks!! ! ^-^

By the way, you were right about sending my cousin letters. He needs them. He's not doing too well right now. I think he's just too sweet and gentle a kid to be in the military.

prego as was I when I was a young and callow thing, I did not belong in Uncle Sam's Army but there I was just the same. I hope he does as I did, and does his best to keep his nose clean and make it to the end of his enlistment.
btw, can you talk to him on the phone now and then?

I hope so as well.
I believe they don't currently have phone privileges for extended family. I know immediate family and his Wife get to talk to him for a limited amount of time, but I believe that's it. If I could do it for him I would, lol. My family may as well have been a branch of the military, so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Yep. It’s hitting the hay time. Have to get up early to go to work.

Enjoy your slumbers, Ms. Coyote, and have excellent, efflorescent dreams

And Goodnight to Prego Man, too.

Night Kortie!
^-^
Sleep well.