Need advice for a friend who's abused

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BeaArthur
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21 Mar 2019, 9:17 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
If one person is severely intellectually-disabled, and the other person functions normally like an adult, the person who functions normally could be charged with rape if sexual intercourse occurs between the two.

Legally, in most cases, the person who is severely intellectually-disabled would be "incapable of consent."

This is certainly not the case here. Both appear to have equivalent functioning.

I would say, we don't have sufficient evidence to conclude that.


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Fnord
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21 Mar 2019, 9:18 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Am I the only one that thinks it's pretty f****d that a 32 year old woman is calling a 19 year old still living at home and attending high school her "boyfriend"?
It looks that way. But it's not as if he was only 16 or 17, now is it? 1 Legal Adult + 1 Legal Adult == 1 legal relationship.
I didn't say it was illegal. I just said it seemed exploitive.
But who is exploiting whom?



BeaArthur
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21 Mar 2019, 9:23 am

Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Am I the only one that thinks it's pretty f****d that a 32 year old woman is calling a 19 year old still living at home and attending high school her "boyfriend"?
It looks that way. But it's not as if he was only 16 or 17, now is it? 1 Legal Adult + 1 Legal Adult == 1 legal relationship.
I didn't say it was illegal. I just said it seemed exploitive.
But who is exploiting whom?

This situation seems odd in several ways. If I attempted to "help" Meerkat "help" boyfriend, I might just be adding to that degree of dysfunction.


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Fnord
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21 Mar 2019, 9:26 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Fnord wrote:
BeaArthur wrote:
Am I the only one that thinks it's pretty f****d that a 32 year old woman is calling a 19 year old still living at home and attending high school her "boyfriend"?
It looks that way. But it's not as if he was only 16 or 17, now is it? 1 Legal Adult + 1 Legal Adult == 1 legal relationship.
I didn't say it was illegal. I just said it seemed exploitive.
But who is exploiting whom?
This situation seems odd in several ways. If I attempted to "help" Meerkat "help" boyfriend, I might just be adding to that degree of dysfunction.
Yeah … another case where providing support might just lead you into a quagmire.



kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2019, 9:28 am

This is why we are encouraging her to pursue relatively conventional avenues----such as speaking with a disability advocate.

It would be unwise for us to suggest more "aggressive" interventions.

Even if I knew more about the situation, I wouldn't suggest that she take the guy to live with her, say. That suggestion would be doubly unwise because of the possibility that the man is actually under his parents' guardianship, even if he's "legally" an adult.



Fnord
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21 Mar 2019, 9:30 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
This is why we are encouraging her to pursue relatively conventional avenues----such as speaking with a disability advocate. It would be unwise for us to suggest more "aggressive" interventions. Even if I knew more about the situation, I wouldn't suggest that she take the guy to live with her, say. That suggestion would be doubly unwise because of the possibility that the man is actually under his parents' guardianship, even if he's "legally" an adult.
Or he may really be a 50-something parolee who has worn out his welcome. We just can't be certain, so it's best to stand off.



kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2019, 9:42 am

I certainly hope that is not true.

I sense that this is a legitimate situation---but that our ability to offer advice is somewhat limited.

All we can do is express our sympathy and empathy, and to suggest things like talking to a disability lawyer or advocate. We cannot suggest that she do something more drastic.

I understand she wants to get the guy out of the quagmire that he finds himself in. It's a rough deal to be under parents who want to exploit (perhaps, for the SSI money).



MagicMeerkat
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21 Mar 2019, 9:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I certainly hope that is not true.

I sense that this is a legitimate situation---but that our ability to offer advice is somewhat limited.

All we can do is express our sympathy and empathy, and to suggest things like talking to a disability lawyer or advocate. We cannot suggest that she do something more drastic.

I understand she wants to get the guy out of the quagmire that he finds himself in. It's a rough deal to be under parents who want to exploit (perhaps, for the SSI money).


Are there any disability lawyers or advocates that you know of?


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kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2019, 9:57 am

I'm in New York. A disability advocate can do nothing for someone in Ohio or Tennessee.

I would suggest, as a first step, that you contact the autism society of Ohio, or of the nearest largest city to where you live. Or Google: Disability advocate in Ohio, or in Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, etc.

Do the same for Tennessee.

It would be better if you were both resident in Tennessee.



MagicMeerkat
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21 Mar 2019, 10:09 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm in New York. A disability advocate can do nothing for someone in Ohio or Tennessee.

I would suggest, as a first step, that you contact the autism society of Ohio, or of the nearest largest city to where you live. Or Google: Disability advocate in Ohio, or in Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, etc.

Do the same for Tennessee.

It would be better if you were both resident in Tennessee.


I'm in the Cincinnati area but why do I need an attorney?


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kraftiekortie
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21 Mar 2019, 10:14 am

You need an advocate to explain legal things to you. And to explain to you your options. And what you can do, and what you cannot do for him.

Preferably one who is an attorney.

You don't need an attorney, per se.



MagicMeerkat
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21 Mar 2019, 12:31 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You need an advocate to explain legal things to you. And to explain to you your options. And what you can do, and what you cannot do for him.

Preferably one who is an attorney.

You don't need an attorney, per se.


I see. Thank you.


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little gator
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21 Mar 2019, 4:02 pm

I got a lot of help form this domestic abuse hotline. It's mostly for battered wives and gfs but can be for anyoen who is abused at home. The url isn't working now and i dont' know why, but it's https://www.thehotline.org/ phone 800-799=7233 I can lookup hotlines in your state too if you want.

My siutation wsas different I was a married adult, unable to work, gettign horrific emotional and verbal abuse from my ex, but it wasn't physical. they helped me with advcie including help on hwo to leave and where to fid a shelter. I am now(mostly)
happily living alone in a senior housing and on ssdi for depression, anxiety, and ptsd.

I agree with the others who said talk to a lawyer.


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ASS-P
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21 Mar 2019, 4:30 pm

... :cry:


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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.:-(
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!


MagicMeerkat
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22 Mar 2019, 3:51 pm

little gator wrote:
I got a lot of help form this domestic abuse hotline. It's mostly for battered wives and gfs but can be for anyoen who is abused at home. The url isn't working now and i dont' know why, but it's https://www.thehotline.org/ phone 800-799=7233 I can lookup hotlines in your state too if you want.

My siutation wsas different I was a married adult, unable to work, gettign horrific emotional and verbal abuse from my ex, but it wasn't physical. they helped me with advcie including help on hwo to leave and where to fid a shelter. I am now(mostly)
happily living alone in a senior housing and on ssdi for depression, anxiety, and ptsd.

I agree with the others who said talk to a lawyer.


He's tried domestic violence victims hotlines. They won't do anything since he's a man. They wouldn't help me either when I was being abused by my mother. They expected me to already have a car and a place to go and then told me they were sorry that they could not help.


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BeaArthur
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22 Mar 2019, 6:24 pm

https://www.tn.gov/humanservices/adults/adult-protective-services.html

Quote:
Adult Protective Services (Tennessee)
Adult Protective Services staff investigate reports of abuse, neglect (including self-neglect) or financial exploitation of adults who are unable to protect themselves due to a physical or mental limitation. APS staff assess the need for protective services and provide services to reduce the identified risk to the adult.

Do you need to report suspected abuse of a vulnerable or elderly adult?
Call: Toll Free 1-888-APS-TENN (1-888-277-8366)

Or, report suspected abuse online at our secure site: https://reportadultabuse.dhs.tn.gov/


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