I don't think I even know what I want anymore

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I was under the impression that there are many real life "local" Christian social groups organised by the church.

That would be my approach but that assumes a degree of self-confidence and a stable emotional state of mind.

Because people's ideas of what I'm "doing wrong" are very subjective.

One friend told me I'm just "too independent". What the hell does that mean? What am I meant to do? I live by myself. I need to get things done myself or they don't get done! Even then, things dont get done. My house is a mess. When I went on the date with this guy she told me: "let him do things for you."

Its subjective because she's not confident. She's the type who relies heavily on others. She's maybe a bit jealous of my independence. What kind of advice is that? "Try and be a bit more useless hon."

What?! I don't know what she thinks I do. Say no to every tiny thing anyone offers? :eyeroll: He offered to pay, I graciously accepted.

I don't want to know why he rejected me. That's subjective too. He said he just didn't have romantic feelings for me. He said he thought he did, but he realised, after he asked me out, even before we went on the date that he didn't. I said I didn't understand why he would even ask me out if that's the case, but he wouldn't elaborate.

I've grown to realise the problem isn't me. It's all the commitment phobic men I'm meeting. No one is ever good enough for them. It's not just me. Only one or two men from my past have settled down. The others are still just continuing to play around or chase women who aren't interested in them or they're not really dating at all and have just given up now.

Even at your best, you'll never be enough for the wrong person.

It depends. Not necessarily.

I tried telling you something like this before, but for some reason you really got the huff at me for it.

I think at that time I thought I'd messed things up with this guy who I believed had genuinely been interested in me. I thought I was the problem.

I realised after a while that it wasn't just me he'd been stringing along.

It's happened a few times since then. Men just seem to like the attention, but don't want to take things further. I am quite a genuine person. I don't show interest in someone I'm not interested in. It took me a while to realise that i wasn't chasing them away, they just were never really interested in anything more than a bit of flirting in the first place.

This sounds like a step forward.

Im glad you dont think its you. You have confidence. Which should be an admirable trait in a date. I dunno I would still ask around. If everyone says the same thing about you for example, then maybe there is a problem. My mom thinks my problem is I dont go out enough. She keeps saying I need to be involved in more group type settings.

Do you think maybe the men in your area are just like that? Could they be more commited some where else?

Like I want to go to Ireland because I think the men are attractive, romantic and easy to get with. At least that has been my experience with them where I live. They are probably even better in Ireland. Ever been there before?

I used to often work these trains which went to Fishguard Harbour and back. I do not know if the guard (In orange as he is going under to couple the loco to the coaches) is me or not (If it is I had a haircut), but I did work with that driver many, many times... Probably hundreds of times!

https://youtu.be/_C9pfB3xun4

I found the Irish to be very nice people. I have never been over though despite many invites and a friend who lives there, and comes over about once a year. Do you live in the UK?

No Irish guys round here. I keep meeting a lot of Europeans from all over Europe though, mostly Polish. But no Italians.

It seems all men from all over the place are not interested in anything serious. I live in a city. It's very culturally diverse.

I do seem to have more luck with Italians, but there have been none around lately.

Maybe its just like that in the city. Ive seen profiles of men on plenty of fish that say they want something long term. Dont know if they actualy mean it. I havent dated anyone for a while so I dont know. The last guy I dated I thought was a perfect match but he dumped me for some lame reason like I dont make any money.

Perhaps you could find Irish or Italian guys on a dating site. Going on a dating site lets you pick and choose.

Well, they say that they would like a long term relationship, but they're all so picky. No one is ever good enough for them. They start something and then they get cold feet, or someone else catches their eye and they move on to her, till someone else catches their eye and repeat.

They're like kids in a sweet shop, even the shy geeky ones who don't even get that much attention. No one is ever good enough for them.

They won't settle for anything less than a magical, unicorn, fairy princess.

It will take me a long time before I'll ever trust anyone again.

The main point of this thread is that: looking back it terrifies me that I was willing to settle for someone who doesn't love me and I couldn't see it.

I found someone like me and it was wonderful to just be myself and not need to try and advertise myself the way you have to when trying to get someone's attention. I was comfortable and I thought that I was understood. It was ok to be me and I was liked for being me. I was given warm smiles and happy looks. We laughed together. Sometimes he looked at me like I was amazing to him. With great big brown eyes like a puppy.

That was until "taking it to another level" was mulled over in his mind ... and then, suddenly, out of nowhere, after months of being enough, I was, in this new context, deficient.

It's fair enough if you meet someone, hang out with them a couple of times and then they think, nah, not for me. That's bearable. But when your friend drops you like a hot potato, that hurts.

Very sorry that it happened to you like that, but it is better that it happened in that way then if he left you after he was married to you.
I would never leave a lady I would be married to unless she threw me out!