My mum is definitely declining this time

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Thank you Jakki I didn't realise how stressed I was til I felt relieved things were looking up.

What a relief for you!
Get yourself a treat.
I’d want a decadent cupcake.

Thanks! That is a good point, I'll think of something!

I didn't see this thread before, and I'm so sorry to learn about what you have been going through. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I wouldn't be able to look after myself in such stressful circumstances, let alone get things worked out for a very difficult and elderly mother. (My parents died fairly recently (2018 and 2021), and my sister has been taking care of all their affairs, before and after their passing.)

I'm glad things seem to be looking up a bit. Take care.

Thank you Bee33. I'm glad your sister is so helpful. Sorry that your parents died in such a short space of time, that's so sad for you (((hugs)))

I'm lucky that I have my husband, he's all the support I've got in the world, so I hope he sticks around.

Yes, I'm hoping they can get my mum into a warden supervised place and we can start sorting out her financial affairs too. She has always been very unpredictable, difficult, impulsive and lies a lot, so we didn't notice that she was getting dementia (if she is genuine and not pretending). But the social workers are convinced so hopefully they know what they are doing.

Fingers crossed!

So this August we are going to look at the new houses we hope to move to next year. It can't come quickly enough for me, I hope the months fly by. Not only do I want a fresh start, we need to move there to be near my mum. She is declining so fast.

She phoned today because she had locked herself in her flat, asking if I could phone someone to help her. I'm 3 hours drive away with no car anyway. She has no friends or family there, I don't have any here, so there's no one to help. We're relying on social workers.

Anyway LUCKILY I had the number of the manager who was there and could go and let her out.

I always knew my mum would get into terrible difficulties in her old age, she's done that all her life.

That must be so stressful and worrying for you. Sending best wishes!

Thank you Bee33. Comments on this thread mean a lot to me as I don't have any friends or family in real life

It's hard to have relationships/friendships in real life. I have a few that I hold dear but I also worry about being a burden to them. I hope your husband has been a support to you. For me, it's mostly my sister, whom I talk to daily but she lives far away, and I do have three other friends, one of whom lives here in town.

Dealing with elderly parents has become something of a rite of passage in our society. There is inadequate help, and it's left up to us to manage them, whether we are equipped or not (mentally, emotionally, physically, financially...).

Feel free to send a PM anytime if it would help. I would be glad to hear from you. I might not see it right away.

Thank you Bee33.

Yes my husband is supportive but he is a nurse and has a stressful job. He had a breakdown 2 years ago due to the pandemic so I don't want to lean on him too much. He also has an elderly, declining father to deal with and his mother died recently. Although he has siblings, he still gets worried about his dad.

I have one real life friend, she has severe health problems and a severely unwell husband too, so I can't lean on her too much either.

I think it's always been the role of children to look after elderly parents, however until recently they didn't live so long, there were more children in the family and an extended family of cousins, aunties, uncles etc. to help out. Nuclear families aren't ideal, are they. The burden falls on one person instead of many.

I'm sorry things are tough for both you and your husband.

I think it's true that dealing with all kinds of things has become harder in our contemporary society because we just don't have large extended families nearby. (Not that those don't pose problems too, especially when one is the odd duck that the family may not understand or fully accept.)

I found this quote on the "Fedi" yesterday:

"The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network and wondering why you're tired all the time."


(Fedi = Mastodon/ActivityPub based decentralized network)

Thanks you two.

You're both exactly right.

I suppose in the past in small communities, people tended to accept odd ducks because they were related to them and they'd always been there. Certainly there were a lot of odd ducks in my extended family when I was little.

Am sorry to hear kitlily both you and your husband have your hands full .. , Hope you folks find a good place to be , maybe closer to your mum. And hooefully not too far away from your hubbys remaining family.
And it gets pretty tough when the only person left to rely on is yourself ..( builds character , and resilency and blah blah blah... ) but often . It does bring out stuff in a person that they did not know that they were capable of .
And then there is the learning about resources that are available to seniors , and elderly or disabled and as years go by, you know just what to ask for , and what directions to look in for assistance. And when your time comes you might be able to get help for yourself. Tske care and will keep an eye out for this thread. Best of everything to you

Thanks Jakki.

I love the area my mum moved to because I grew up there, so we are moving there anyway, whether she is there or not, so that will make me happy.

We already live near my husband's family, they are a waste of space. The minute I met them, they made it clear I was not good enough to be part of them and basically ignored me. I thought moving near them would allow us to all get to know each other but nothing happened- no communication, no friendships made or support given. So we are moving away from them. My husband has had all his family's support for decades, now it's my turn to move somewhere III like and III want to live

I've had to be strong for a long time but mostly since 2005 when I had the debilitating pregnancy and ever since then. Little to no support to bring up my little girl who was very, very ill when aged 2-7, we were often rushing her to hospital. I don't know how I've done it, my own health is very precarious, it always has been, truly if I'd had any friends or family to run to, I would have run away long ago. But it's always been just me. My husband seems to get help if he wants it but I rarely do.

My mum's sitatuon has made me determined to get a Power of Attorney set up by the time I'm 80, I'm not getting into a mess like my mum is in.

Sorry to get into a rant.

Thanks for everyone's support on this thread, it's nice to have some online friends

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