Terrible pain of losing closest person in my life

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It's been 2 1/2 months since I first posted this thread. But the incessant and unbearable pain has been ongoing for 15 months. I am in so much pain I can't tolerate it. I'm just sobbing and sobbing. This is my life now. This is my life forever. Constant, intolerable pain.

(I'm not predicting the future, I am looking at 59 years of evidence. I have never been able to get over any kind of emotional pain, but no pain has never been like this.)

Hugs.

Having gone through unbearable loss 4+ years ago, I can tell you that the pain does lessen over time, but I don't think it will ever go away completely.
I plod about each day trying not to feel completely lost.
It seems only distraction can combat the grief a little, so find something to do that can absorb you, even if it's the simplest thing, like picking up endless sticks and arranging them in a pile.
Helping others can also take the focus off yourself for a while.
I try to keep busy in any way I can because as soon as I stop and start thinking again, as I am now, I turn into a complete mess.

At least I don't cry every day now, that's a plus.

Sending you hugs and love

I can only repeat what Raleigh said: eventually over the years the pain lessens, you learn to put it in a room in your mind and shut the door, for most of the time.

I know that to be true because my dad died 40 years ago. My body and mind couldn't have survived grieving 24/7 for 40 years, it's impossible. My brain had to work it out and deal with it or I'd have just stopped functioning.

And distraction is the best way to help yourself. Maybe writing out your feelings would help you? My feelings go into fiction stories I write, those are brilliant funnels for emotions.

Did I tell you about the Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as Tapping? That is a very good way of processing emotional trauma. I thought it looked really silly at first tapping on my face but it does actually help. And I am REALLY sceptical about alternative treatments like that so it takes a lot to convince me.

Well it won't make you worse, anyway

I remember I started journal writing.
I'd never been able to consistently keep a journal in my life before, now I'm still going, more than 4 years.
I have all sorts of things in there - thoughts, ideas, drawings, diagrams, photos, recipes, quotes, song lyrics, anything I feel like adding, as well as the normal stuff.
It helped to start with a totally blank, visual diary type book.
I think journals with dates etc intimidated me, so that when there were too many blank pages I gave up.
This way I can take it up at any time and it's ok.

That sounds perfect, Raleigh!

There is insurmountable evidence that writing it down helps get the feelings out of our bodies and minds and frees us. Handwriting is better than typing too. The pen and paper is more physical and connected to our minds and bodies than typing at a keyboard.

Also art therapy, drama therapy, music therapy etc. All those creative subjects are very helpful.