What’s on your mind? The Haven version.

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Too much on my mind. And almost none of it is positive. I'm in the worst place I've ever been in my life, on the verge of losing everything, and I don't know how to even begin to cope with it. Too depressed to think rationally.

So I'm just trying to find new ways to distract my brain from cyclical thinking, and hoping the problems will go away. Even though I know they won't


Also it's that time of year where I start having flashbacks to my initial Long Covid symptoms, so being reminded of that overwhelming sense of dread does not help matters one bit.

Colorado, Baby!

What's on my mind? Plenty. Too much in fact, but here are the main things.
1) A big financial solution to most of my problems
2) Politics this year for the US is bloody wild.
3) I've worked with my ex-girlfriend for a year now
4) Robert Downey Jr. is... Dr. Doom? Very mixed on that
5) Development for my second book
6) Should I get back into gaming
7) Will that girl text me more or leave me on read?
8 Hope I don't run into another Holy Witch

It's nice to see you again Sabbra! ^

I don't know why ILs avatar suddenly shot into focus, but I can now see it's hair and not a cat.

If anyone wondered why I've been invisible for years and suddenly started haemorrhaging posts.
My partner is interstate looking after frail parents and i only have the dogs to talk to.
Walk/food/toilet/let me under the damned covers is hardly stimulating conversation.

You guys (WP), however, are both entertaining, informative and....tolerant of my foibles.
(I don't recall ever having typed the word "foibles" before. It's jangling my brain)

In which I want to contort into something I'm not but what I really want to be.

Not for survival, not for emotional longing, not for envy, not for some sold out belief in pursue of happiness or what humans are ought to, nor to make up for any deficit.


But to make a point about myself and my existence.
Contrasts, exposure. Data.


That the statement of "nothing is permanent but change" is truer than ever.

Yet the changes are willfully and consciously chosen by myself.
Not by accident and in out of my control, not by some other party, and definately not from coming from a generational or societal echo.


Yes.
Prideful, egocentric. Arrogant.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

One of my favourite workers at my clubhouse had her last day today. I'm going to miss her.

Since Monday my bowel movements have gotten so strained and hard that I am afraid of intestinal blockage and complications, just like Elvis

Costs skyrocketing since Coronavirus. Income not increasing in proportion. Paranoid of being homeless and s**t

Expand comfort zone

Plenty of precious lil "people" have zero job skills, not authorized to work in the country, don't speak English, no high school diploma, convicted felons, still earn enough $$ for room and board and kids and health insurance and car and et cetera. How do they do it?

One of my coworkers said he just got back from a three week vacation in Germany. He only earns minimum wage just like me. How does he afford to go on vacation?